5O Shades and a daughter
by Alexandra Zeola
Summary: What if Christian had a daughter by a previous sub who now wants to be part of his life? How will Ana and him survive this new drama added on top of Ana's pregnancy and Christian's overall drama filled life? Does fifty shades have room for a daughter or will it be the end for our love birds? Spoiler alert. Disclaimer to E.L James . Please review and any questions PM me
1. The Note

"Ana?" His soft voice makes me stir in my sleep. Why is he waking me? It's the middle of the night. My tired eyes stay closed but I let out a small groan, letting him know I've heard him but I'm not waking. Annoyingly I feel his arm wrap around my stomach, his hand resting on my little bump, I desperately try to kick the wave of pleasure that rushes through me, it happens every time he touches me and he knows it will wake me. Rolling my eyes, thankfully I'm facing away from him so he can't get annoyed, I turn to face him. His beauty silences me , still after all this time my husband can make me speechless with his sheer beauty .Those striking grey eyes stare down at me as he rests up on his elbow , it's like he can look right into my soul. I look down; I'm mad at him for waking me and therefore can't let his eyes get the better of me, they have a power over me

"What Christian? I snap, I can hear the smile in his voice as his finger runs over my cheek and across my lower lip

"Did I interrupt your beauty sleep Mrs Grey?" I glance up at him and purposely roll my eyes , smiling in triumph as I see his expression change to a colder one "Ana what have I said about rolling your eyes" I match his tone , we're equals in this marriage , well at least that's what I want

"And what have I said about letting me sleep Mr Grey" softening my expression I place his hand on my little bump "and it's not just me you've woken up" my heart leaps as he smiles that beautiful smile of his , watching him closely as he leans down and kisses my little bump , I feel my whole body shiver.

God one kiss and I want him,_ stop it Ana it's just your hormones_, he looks up and our eyes meet and he smiles that smile, oh who I am kidding I always want him. And I can have him whenever I want, he's mine. I scold myself_, now is not the time to get distracted Ana, _I'm still not happy he's woken me. I move back sharply and his smile vanishes "Well come on then what's so important that you have to wake me and little blip up at ... "I check our bedside clock and gasp "half 3! Christian I have work tomorrow!" Make that this morning! What the hell is he thinking! I'm fuming as I wait for his rush of apologies and expect to hear some lovely dovey response about how he just had to see my eyes or something like that, which in all honesty I love hearing him say but can't his declaration of love for me wait until the sun has risen?

Except he doesn't say anything, his eyes are dark and his body is tense. I feel my heartbeat quicken , shit I've pushed it too far , oh god what's he going to do to me , surely nothing to harsh I mean I am 6 months pregnant, he'd never ever put little blip in danger just to punish me surely? I unconsciously bite my lip in fear and meet his eyes, pleading him to ignore my smart mouth this one time. His eyes give nothing away and neither does his voice as he slips out of bed and puts on a pair of grey pyjama bottoms, even when I'm worried about his twitching palms I still watch him dress, greedily drinking in his body. He doesn't even look over as he walks to the door, shouting over his shoulder to me as he exits "Taylor texted me that he needs to talk to us, he said its urgent so I suggest you put some clothes on and come to the office Mrs Grey" Finally he turns to look at me and his eyes are so empty of emotion it scares me, double shit I've really pushed my luck with him. We just stare at each other for a while before he speaks again, that cold tone is right back with him "Now Anastasia!" and with that he leaves.

It takes me exactly 20 seconds to jump out of bed, a task which has become hard now thanks to little blip, and pull a light pink silk nightie over my body, before swiftly making my way to Christian's office, my hand protectively over my bump as I walk, I'm not known for being the most graceful of people and am prone to falling on my face if I'm not concentrating. I walk briskly through our lovely new home and finally reach Christian's office, taking a deep breath, and knock softly "Come in Anastasia" Christian's voice booms at me, taking another deep breath, I walk through into the office. Christian is sat in his office chair reading what looks like a hand written note , his face gives nothing away to what he's thinking as usual , I clear my throat and he looks up briefly and nods towards a big arm chair. My inner goddess and subconscious are both staring at me with worry and are both shouting the same thing _how bad will he punish me? _Shaking them both from my head I move to the arm chair and sit down carefully, keeping a hand on my little bump. Christian stops reading and looks up at Taylor, who is stood next to Christian's desk, like my husband his expression is impossible to read.

Christian catches my eye and I see a flicker of a reassuring smile and I instantly relax _oh thank god he's not angry anymore _he looks back at the note than up to Taylor "Are you sure this isn't some kind of money con?" My moment of relaxation ends _Money con? What on earth is Christian talking about?_

"We're sure sir, I sent Sawyer over to the ladies address and she's telling the truth" _Ladies address? Telling the truth? What's going on? _My heart is in my stomach and my mouth dry, I need to know what's going on but both Christian and Taylor are staying silent. I want to scream at them both but I can't find my voice. Christian stands and starts pacing his office , running a hand through his thick gorgeous hair.

"We need to make sure the press don't get a hold of this and keep my family away for a while , I don't want them becoming panicked about this" _Ana breath! _My inner goodness is hiding somewhere and I'm left with my subconscious , thankfully she is still calm _he'll tell you what's going on in a moment , he knows you're in the room _I nod to myself and take another deep breath, feeling my panic start to dissolve, finally I find my voice.

"Christian what's going on? What's written in that note?" He stops pacing and turns to face me, his mouth is in a tight line but his eyes look horribly sad and I have to fight my inner goddess ,who has emerged from her hiding spot and is now begging me to run toward him and engulf him in an embrace , I ignore her and stay where I am. I have to find out what's going on, if I embrace him then he will seduce me with those eyes and he'll never talk to me about it. He might be 50 shades of fucked up but I've worked him out a little. I watch him as he walks to the office door and locks it with his key, placing the key in his back pocket "Did you just lock the door while we're still inside?" He ignores me and I stand to check the door, yep he's locked us in, but why? I turn towards the desk and he's holding out the note, his eyes are so sad, wait no that's not sadness its fear. He's scared, oh god the only things that scare Christian Grey are me or anyone else in his family being hurt and the idea of me leaving him, which I'd never ever do. I take the note and read;

_Dear Mr Grey_

_My name is Esmeralda Gold and 7 years you and I had a 'relationship' of sorts and during that 'relationship' I fell pregnant. I knew you didn't want a real relationship with me so I left, thinking I could look after a child on my own, and I have and she is perfect in every single way. Her name is Victoria and she looks so much like you. I am sorry to have to tell you this now but I have come into some financial trouble, as I have had to leave my job, and am no longer able to provide for Tori on my own. I know you said you don't speak to your subs once the contract has been ended but she needs to know her father , she keeps asking me questions and I have no way to answer because I know nothing about you. I read that your married now, I was shocked. She's a lucky lady to have won your heart._

_ I beg you to at least meet Victoria and explain that she isn't weird for not knowing her dad, she only has me and I just know I'm not enough for her. _

_I have added my number and address at the back of this letter. I beg you Christian please meet her. _

"Ana!" His voice is the last thing I hear before the room goes black.


	2. Running to daddy

_Owe my head _I open my eyes slowly and wince as a sharp pain cuts through my temple _Ouch! Jesus Christ what have I done to my head? _Rubbing my sore head and sitting up gently I survey my surroundings, I'm in bed. How did I get back to bed? My last memory is sitting in the arm chair watching Christian, why was I watching him? Wait he had something in his hand, a piece of paper. Then I remember, The Note. He has a daughter. My husband, my fifty shades of fucked up, has a seven year old daughter. And she wants to meet him, probably be a part of his life, of our life. Its then that I realise I'm crying , I try to stop but they keep coming , falling in buckets down my cheeks , choking me as numerous emotions rush through me. I feel so betrayed, so alone. The fuss he made about me making sure I never got pregnant when he proposed the sub contract .., "Christian!" I shout his name as loud as I can knowing he will think I'm in pain, which in all honesty I am but it's emotional not physical, and make him run to me faster. As expected he's rushing through our bedroom door and by my side within seconds, his eyes full of concern as he examines me, paying close attention to my bump.

"What's wrong, is blip ok?" I push his arms away hard and he falls back against the floor, his eyes wide with confusion.

"You lied to me Christian" He's struck silent and taken aback by the venom in my voice, I've never been this mad before and especially not towards him. He moves back to kneeling next to me, he reaches for my hands but I move them away "The contract you asked me to sign when you wanted me to be your sub, it stated that I ensure I never fell pregnant, it was a clear command and yet one of your previous subs obviously didn't have to follow that particular rule which makes me believe she wasn't a sub at all! You were more than just her Dom Christian!" My voice catches and I fight myself to not cry, I will not let myself appear weak. He shakes his head vigorously and sits on the edge of the bed and tries to take my hands again "Don't you dare touch me" There that really got to him, his face is a sheet of white.

"Ana please listen to me it's not what you think, she was my first Sub, my first anything after Elena, I didn't know what rules I had to implicate and what precautions to put in place, all I knew was how to dominate someone. Esmee meant nothing more to me than any of the other fourteen, I told you I've only ever cared for you Ana, only you. I love you" Rolling my eyes at him I slip out of bed and put one of my wrap dresses on, they highlight my figure whilst not constricting my bump and Christian loves me in them _then why are you putting one on when there are plenty of pairs of tracksuit bottoms and tops in your wardrobe _states my subconscious with a smirk, she's been taking lessons from Christian it would seem, although she does have a point.

Quickly I change out the dress and throw it behind me with disgust, changing into really baggy black sweat pants and a navy blue cami top "you know I've put up with a lot from being with you Christian but this , this is just too much" He jumps up with impressive speed and is grasping my arm within seconds , I desperately try to pull away without looking into those eyes , eyes which cast a spell over me and make me forgive him instantly "Let go of me Christian" His voice is so broken that it hits me like a ton of bricks

"Please Ana you can't leave me, please I'm literally begging you here , stay with me. I need you more than I need anyone else in this entire world. You and blip, you are my entire existence. Please Ana, please" I keep my head down and yank my arm away from him with all my strength, he staggers back and I can hear his gasp.

"Ana please, please don't do this to me" I grab one of my gym bags and frantically pack up some essentials.

"I'm not leaving you for good Christian I just ..." My voice trails off as I feel tears fill my eyes, I stop them with a deep breath "I just need some time to process this" His arms are around my waist, pulling me close to him.

"We can get through this Ana , I'll do anything to make sure this doesn't get between us" I remove his arms slowly and carry on packing.

"It's already come between us Christian. I need to be away from this place , and you" my words knock him down hard and he sits down on the bed , his eyes dead of emotion as he starts to visibly shake.

"No , no you'll never come back if you leave. Ana I'll be alone. I never ever want to be away from you. Please" His eyes have lost their beautiful sparkle as he looks at me "Please, please stay" my inner goddess is choking on her tears but thankfully my subconscious knows I am doing what's right and keeps my inner goodness quiet, yes the pain I am feeling at the idea of leaving is physically crippling, but I can't think straight around him. I need to talk to someone who will always lead me in the right direction. I need to talk to my dad. Zipping up my bag with more force than necessary I heave it over my shoulder and take one last look at my husband , a man I love more than life its self but who has an seven year old daughter with one of his ex submissive slaves.

"I'll call you when I've had time to think, promise me you'll let me have my time, don't follow me" He doesn't answer but I know he's heard me. I take a large gulp of air before spinning on my heel and heading down the elevator and into my R8. Placing my hands on my little bump and I know I'm right for leaving. I can't deal with this while pregnant; it's not healthy for me to be around so much stress. So I start the engine and drive towards Ray.

reach Rays and bang on his door , my tears have been falling since I left the house and now my shoulders are shuddering as I gasp for breath ,I'm literally chocking myself with my own tears. Ray opens the door and his face tells me how terrible I must look , his eyes are full of fear and concern as he pulls me into his house and holds me as I feel my body shake violently , my legs give way and I crumble to the floor, my dad's arms are still around me as he holds me against his chest, his voice is a soft hum in my ear as he strokes my back, _just like Christian holds you _my inner goddess cries out at me and I am glad my subconscious shuts her in a closet and tries to make me calm down , but even her calm seems forced and her eyes are full of hurt. I'm so weak, so in pain, so in need of my husband. No! I can't be near him now, not when he's got a 7 year old daughter, a daughter who will take him away from me, and blip. I'm brought back to reality by my dad's soft concerned voice "Annie what's wrong?" I crumble again.

"Oh daddy he has a daughter" Ray's tenses slightly.

"Who Annie?" it takes me a while to get his name out.

"Christian" another sob rockets through me "she's 8 and she wants to meet him" Ray holds me closer against him.

"Oh Annie I'm so sorry that's such bad luck" Bad luck! It's more than bad luck it's an absolute nightmare.

"I've left him daddy " Ray lets go of me and I slump on the floor , looking up at him.

"Annie, no you can't leave him for such a silly reason , you two were meant for each other , anyone can see that" No, he's suppose to tell me that every things going to be ok not tell me I'm making a mistake , has he not seen the films where the heartbroken girl runs to her dad just so she has someone to cry to.

"Dad I can't. I can't be with him if he already has a child , what about my baby" my hand instantly goes to little blip as tears stream down my cheeks , my baby needs their father but he already has his first child.

"Annie it's not Christian's fault this has happened, if she's 7 I'm guessing he never knew she existed. You can't blame him" Yes I can and I will, I look away and Ray pulls me close again "Annie do you really think this is the best way to deal with your problems, by running away?" I shake my head and rub my nose with the back of my hand, I feel six again.

"No but every time I look at him I remember he has a daughter by another woman and it kills me inside" ok so it's not all about the fact little blip might not be the centre of their fathers affection but more the insane jealousy I feel that another woman has a child by my husband, ok so he wasn't my husband at the time but he is now and he's mine. I can feel the smile in Ray's voice.

"Annie he married you , not this other woman , it's you he loves" I look up at the man who raised me , and am comforted , he's right I am the girl he married , the girl he would do anything to protect. But I'm also the girl who he wanted as a sub and who failed him because she couldn't handle the pain. A thought strikes me and I shudder _Esmee can handle the pain, she was his sub, a real sub who signed the contract. She can give him what he needs _I lose my breath and am suddenly hyperventilating dangerously, Ray jumps to get me into a proper sitting position "Annie breath! Breath!" I can hear his words but I can't do what he's telling me , all I can do is imagine my Christian and this Esmee woman in the playroom , she'd know how to pleasure him , she knows what he wants . He may choose her! "Annie! Breathe Annie! Please!" Once again my vision goes black.


	3. Forgive to forget?

Hey everyone .

To say i have been overwhelmed by the amount of reviews and followers this story had gained since I posted is truly the worlds biggest understatement. I swear down i've never cried , laughed and shouted horray more times in my life. I'm a huge fan of these books and have always loved the idea of writing something to do with them , however I never saw myself actually writing something to then publish it.

I just want to use this space to say thank you to a few people ;

Lisalilac – thank you for being my first ever reviewer J

jcp77 – Your review really helped and I just want to thank you for taking the time to comment. Your right my Ana is a little more feisty , when I was reading the books I wanted her to fight back a bit more so I thought I'd bring that into this , also she's pregnant and when my one of my friends was pregnant her emotions were all over the place causing her to cry and shout all at the same time. In regards to Jack I've kinda moved him out the way for the moment and decided on a different path for Ana and Christian's drama filled lives hehe. Thanks again for reviewing J

ArellaWhite – Yes she does pass out a fair bit its true hehe I'll keep it in mind to keep her up on her feet a bit more J

Thank you again to all of you . I'm currently working on chapter 6 (which is a Christian point of view) and am planning on uploading by Tuesday at the latest. This chapter is a bit short but its just a fill up to get the ball rolling.

Alexandra x

For the second time that day I wake up and I'm in bed , but it's a bed I don't recognise , the room is to clean and it feels mechanical and shiny. Then I spot the machine hooked up to me and reality hits. I'm in hospital. The first thing I think is that I've lost blip but looking down at my bump and feeling a reassuring little kick I relax knowing blip is still with me. So why am I in hospital?

I search the room and take in the light pink curtains and white walls, there is an empty arm chair next to my bed and the sun hits the leather making the light hit my eyes, I shield them and turn my head towards the beige wood door, it's closed. I search my brain for my last memory and everything tumbles back , the note , arguing with Christian, Ray holding me while I cry , realising that Christian will be around an ex sub , an ex sub who he has a daughter with.

It's too much, I've remembered too much! And the pain in my head has returned and it's agonising. I scream out but no one comes to help me, why am I alone! Where's my husband! And then I remember the last bit of my puzzle. I've left him, I'm alone. I sob for what seems like hours before my body gives into exhaustion and I pass out again.

When I wake I'm still exhausted, the sun has long since gone and has now been replaced by a large full moon, its light floods my small hospital room and shines on the man sat next to me. I gasp when I see him, he's asleep but I know the second he hears me move he'll wake up, even in his sleep he is always alert. Keeping my breathing still and silent I survey his handsome profile, the sharp line of his jaw perfectly highlighting the soft smooth lips which I've kissed so many times, his eyes now closed but still so perfect against his skin with their large thick lashes, that hair which makes me groan with desire when I get to run my fingers through it. He's breath taking, he's mine, but he's got a daughter with another woman, a woman who can give him the dark pleasures which make him who he is, he can be the man he is with her but with me he has to be kind and appreciative, even in the playroom he is constantly on edge knowing I can only take so much. Esmee isn't like me, she will let him punish her, and she will obey him and let him dominate her fully.

My tears catch and I yelp slightly , his eyes open immediately and lock on mine , his hand reaching for my face "Oh thank god your awake" I try to pull away but he stops me and leans up to kiss me , a deep needing kiss , like he's worried he'll never be able to kiss me again.

"Christian I..." He silences me with another kiss, resting his forehead against mine as he breaks away "I know baby and I'm sorry. I won't meet her. I choose you over her Ana. I can't live without you so if you don't want to me to meet her than I won't. Please just come home" looking into his eyes breaks me and I feel my tears start to fall again , god you'd think I was all cried out but obviously not as I am once again choking on my own tears.

"No Christian I can't make you do that. She's your daughter, and she's innocent in all of this, she deserves to know who her father is. No one should have to grow up without their dad" his eyes widen as he realises I'm talking from my own experience "trust me on that one Christian. I would never ever stop a girl meeting her father. No matter how much it breaks my heart to know she's yours" my voice cracks as tears flow from my eyes , my hands resting on little blip.

I sit up gently and buzz for the nurse, Christian's eyes never leave me as I move but I refrain from looking at him, the pain in my heart is still too strong to look into those eyes for too long , a petite young nurse with bright red hair wanders into my room and I ask her to check if I'm able to go home , she checks my chart and goes to collect the doctor , I feel Christian's eyes burning onto my skin , god I want to look at him so bad but I can't , I want to stay strong and his eyes make me weak .

"Ana please" I keep my eyes locked on my bump , gently caressing blip who gives me a supportive little kick , I giggle softly and stroke my bump again and feel blip kick once more.

"Hmm maybe you'll grow up to be a football player with that kick little Blip" Christian's gasp knocks me back to reality and within seconds his hand is on my bump and his smile is breathtaking , his lips gently kissing the spots of my belly where little blip kicks.

"Hello little blip , this is your daddy speaking , can you hear me?" Blip kicks in response and tears once again fill my eyes. Christian looks up and I can't help but meet his deep grey eyes , my throat catches as he smiles , a deep apologetic forgive me smile "I think little blip wants to hear their mummy's voice as well Ana" his hand reaches for mine and he gently kisses it , a spike of pleasure mixed with deep love hits me and I launch myself into his arms , luckily he has amazing reflexes and his arms wrap around me tight , his breath is warm on my skin as he kisses my neck , cheek , eyes , anywhere and everywhere he can reach "Oh Ana , my Ana , I'm so sorry. Please I beg you my one and only love come home. I'm nothing without you Anastasia Grey. You are my life" I cut off his plea with a passionate kiss , smiling as I feel his body tense in surprise before relaxing dramatically , his arms tighten around me and he kisses back with intensity.

He cradles and kisses me for what seems like a lifetime and soon my head is rested against his chest as we both stare down at Little Blip. Christians soft voice breaks our comfortable silence "Does this mean you're coming home" I look up into those eyes and know I could never really stay away from him , no matter how angry or upset I am I will always end up back in his arms . Because I love him, and he loves me. I nod softly and kiss him.

"Yes Mr Grey, I'm coming back home. I've only been gone what 4 hours" I giggle softly trying to cheer him up but he stays anxious and upset.

"They were the worst 4 hours of my life" I crumble inside, Damm it how did I think he'd find it funny me leaving like that, I know him better than that.

"I'm sorry Christian, I was scared and confused. It's a lot for me to take in this ... stuff" thankfully he smiles down at me and plants a soft reassuring kiss on my lips.

"I told you we'll get through this. I will not lose you. Not for anyone" Not even for my own daughter, the words are unspoken but his eyes tell me the truth. He'd pick me and blip. And it is in that moment that I make the biggest decision of my life

"Call her" Christian looks taken aback.

"What?" I kiss him again and smile softly.

"Call Esmee, make a meeting. I want to meet Victoria" he eyes me suspiciously, panicked if I'm playing some sort of game, I smile trying to reassure him "I'm sure Christian" I answer his unspoken question, seems I can read his mind a little as well, his eyes close briefly and when they open they are warm and full of love.

"Mrs Grey I love you so much" And once again we're kissing like teenagers.


	4. Esmeralda , friend or foe?

Hello everyone J

I've been working on chapter 6 and 7 recently and am now just about to start chapter 8 so everything is running smoothly; I hate waiting for updates on stories and really don't want to make you all wait too long.

I just want to say thank you again for every single follow, favourite and review. It really does mean a lot to me and I swear I have not stopped yelping with joy, much to my family's annoyance hehe

I'd really appreciate responses on how everyone feels about Esmee and Victoria as I'm unsure about what route to take with them and it'd be great to get some ideas from all of you J

Also Ana's constant blackouts and pain will all reveal its self soon, just be patient hehe

Well that's enough from me hehe back to the lovely Ana and not always so lovely Mr Christian Grey

A X

...

I watch Christian pacing the length of our glass wall , his hands constantly running through his thick hair , a clear sign that he's agitated , his lack of control over the situation is obviously really getting to him. Suddenly he stops pacing and shouts out "Where the fuck is she!" he hits the glass wall with his hand and the bash makes me jump , thankfully I'm sitting down on our plush white leather sofa.

"They might have got stuck in traffic" my voice sounds frail , I'm tired of watching Christian become more and more agitated as the hours click on , I'm also annoyed that Esmee has the audacity to keep us waiting for nearly an hour. She said five , that's the time we agreed to have this meeting , its almost 6 and not one word as to where she is. That's just rude , who the hell does she think she is wasting mine and my husband's time like this. My subconscious smirks at me from her armchair _don't pretend to be annoyed Ana , you know full well your happy she's pissed Christian off ,you want him to be angry at her _I swat her away and instead study my husband , god he's gorgeous , he's wearing a new pair of expensive jeans and a crisp white shirt topped off with a simple but classic black blazer , he looks like a Abercrombie model.

"What if something's happened to them? A car crash or maybe Victoria's fallen ill and had to be taken to hospital? What if they've been hurt?" Christian stares out the glass wall , which backs onto the large open driveway. I on the other hand can't take my eyes off him , this man who I think I know so well still has the ability to completely confuse me. When I announced my pregnancy he was furious , completely and utterly livid , to the extent he stormed off to his fucking Mrs Robinson instead of being there to support me. And now he has the audacity to say he's worried about a child he's never even met! How can he have changed his mind on children so quickly?

"Christian you don't know that , stop thinking everything is the worst case scenario" I sound like a sulky teenager , I know , but hearing him be so worried about someone else's daughter , a child I have no connection to what so ever , both hurts and worries me. But I can't let Christian know this , he already has enough on his plate then having to deal with my paranoia.

"My life is the worst case scenario Ana" He doesn't even look at me as he says this and the pain it causes makes my anger strike up fast.

"Excuse me! Are you trying to tell me that living in this house , being married to me and expecting our first child together is the worst fucking scenario!" My subconscious frowns at me , probably because she thinks I'm being unreasonable towards him ,and yes I probably am but hey I'm pregnant it's normal for me to be overemotional. And right now I'm overall angry!

"Ana you know full well that's not what I meant" finally he turns to face me but his eyes are full of exasperation , well he's not the only one who's getting exasperated.

"Oh so what did you mean then Christian? That only know that you have a daughter your life suddenly has meaning and if something were to happen to her , before you've even met her I might add , then it would be the end of life as you know it!" My throat kills from all my screaming but my anger washes over my pain. Everything that's happen these past two days has just been building and building and now I have the opportunity to let it out. Who cares if I'm being dramatic or jumping to conclusions , Christian does the same all the time and for once I want to be the one to point out his mistakes.

"Ana stop this , your being ridiculous because of the baby , this is your hormones speaking" Christian points at my bump before turning back to look out at the driveway. I spring to my feet and march over to him , standing in front of him so he has to look at me and not the bloody drive way.

"Me being ridiculous , have you seen how you're acting Mr Grey!" I place my hands on my hips and challenge him.

"Yes Ana your being ridiculous. Now go and sit down before all this stress your causing yourself effects blip" placing his hands on my shoulders he spins us around and gently pushes me towards the sofa before turning back to look out at the driveway. My anger has spiked again and I feel a cramp ripple through my stomach , maybe I should stop this now I have been warned about stress causing blip distress , but I need to stand my ground with him , otherwise we'll never have an equal marriage.

"I think I'll stand actually" He turns to face me with an annoyed expression.

"Anastasia I will not ask you again , sit down and be quiet" I can see his dominating side emerging and it flues my drive to rebel , I'm his wife not his sub and he will not control me.

"No Christian , I'm going to stand , but your more than welcome to sit down if its playing on your mind that much" I flutter my eyelids cutely , knowing my smart mouth will just wind him up even more. He starts to walk over to me , a light amused smirk on his lips , my heart beat quickens and my anger vanishes and all that's left is lust for this gorgeous man . Unfortunately he stops as Taylor enters the room.

"Mr Grey" Taylor nods a greeting to Christian "Mrs Grey" he nods to me and I smile back , poor Taylor I know he can probably feel the sexual tension he just walked into.

"What is it Taylor?" Christian says , back to his calm and controlled employer voice.

"Miss Gold has arrived , I've sent her and her daughter through to the formal living room" I take a deep breath as Taylor's words hit me like a ton of bricks , Miss Gold has arrived , she's here and so is Victoria.

"Thank you Taylor. Me and Mrs Grey will see them now , can you tell Sawyer to take Miss Gold's Car through to the garage please" Taylor nods and exits , leaving me and my husband in a strained silence. Thousands of feelings are rushing through me but the main emotion I feel is fear , a fear that Christian will see Esmee and realise he's married the wrong woman , a woman who is incapable of satisfying him , a woman who can't endure the pain he so longs to give in order to feel control. All I can think about is that now he has a daughter with Esmee he'll want to be with her , and therefore leave me.

"Ana , stop thinking you're not enough for me. Just because Esmee is here does not mean I will leave you . I will never leave you . It's you I love , only you" Once again Christian has proved he can read my mind , but I don't question him and instead wrap my arms around his waist and bury my head in his chest , breathing in his familiar scent , smiling as I feel him hold me tight and kiss my hair. Of course he'd never leave me , I know how much me and little blip mean to him , he tells me every single day for god sake. I'm his and he's mine.

"Remind me to thank you properly for being so wonderful Mrs Grey" he whispers in my ear and I giggle, his hand tightens around my waist "that's my favourite sound" he kisses my cheek just as we enter the formal front room and my heart drops.

Esmeralda Gold is stunning, long thin legs and a killer figure with snow white skin contrasting beautifully against her sky blue strapless summer dress, her chocolate brown hair washing over her shoulders like the chocolate waterfall in Willy Wonka's factory. Overall she looks like a cross between Megan Fox and Miranda Kerr only with the palest of skin. She smiles instantly as Christian and I walk in and her dark green eyes sparkle at him, curse his beauty! I wrap my arm around him and hold him close, marking my territory. Christian indulges my closeness but I know he's smirking at my obvious jealousy. I ignore him and focus on the smouldering brunette in front of me, it doesn't help that as well as being stunning she's also at least a foot taller than me meaning I have to crane my neck to meet her eyes, unlike Christian who is a hell of a lot taller than both of us and is able to look down with ease. Esmee's sea green eyes meet mine for the first time since we entered and she smiles, although it's nowhere near as bright as the smile she sent Christian, she holds her hand out and I take it hesitantly.

"Mrs Grey I just want to say how thankful I am for allowing Tori and I into your beautiful home, I can't imagine how confused your feeling right now but I just want to reassure you that I have no ulterior motives with this meeting, all I want is for my daughter to know her father" her small hand holds mine and something hits my stomach full on and I have to hide my wince, although my ever paranoid fifty notices and whispers in my ear softly.

"Ana baby you ok?" I nod his concern away and look back to Esmee, who seems to be highly concerned for me as well; my she's a good actress. My subconscious narrows her eyes at me from her armchair where she's been reading numerous mummy to be prep guides _Calm the inner bitch Ana , no need to judge the girl before you know her full story _I roll my eyes at her and shake off my worry , putting my best smile on and meeting Esmee's eyes once again.

"You're more than welcome Miss Gold, and please call me Ana. I have to admit I was shocked when we received your letter but I am sure we can work out a successful plan for how to tackle this situation which works for all of us, especially little Tori"

"I'm not little, and I think I deserve a say in all of this, or am I expected just to sit in the background being ignored" A small brown haired girl steps out behind Esmee and looks up at her with crossed arms. I have to physically stop myself giggling as Esmee stands embarrassed by her daughter's lack of respect. I can feel Christians glare, after all I am laughing at his daughter. That same pain kicks me hard and I wince, making Christian's glare vanish as he holds me tight against him, I smile reassuringly at him. Although inside I'm panicking at what could be causing this weird pain, I place my hands on my bump and send a small prayer that it's nothing to do with baby blip.

"Tori what did I say about the way you talk to mommy" Esmee turns to her daughter and narrows her eyes , amazingly Tori gives back the same smirk that Christian gives me , she really is so much like him , although she hasn't inherited his eyes and instead has her mother's mystifying sea green ones. I hope blip inherits Christians eyes and his hair and his mind, oh who am I kidding I want blip to be my personal mini Christian Grey.

"Be respectful and polite" the young girl says with a stroppy roll of the eyes, I quickly glance up at Christian who I notice shakes his head, obviously unimpressed at his daughters respect issues "and I don't call you mommy anymore , that's what babies call their mom's , your plain mom now remember" Tori shakes her head and snorts at Esmee , I would never let my child talk to me like that , Ray never did for me and I would raise my child exactly the same way. Esmee glances over at us and shrugs apologetically, her eyes trained on Christians and I realise what she's hinting at, she's showing him how much help she needs. Sneaky Cow!

"Christian can we talk in private?" my heart sinks, no she can't be alone with my husband, she'll seduce him with her pain tolerance and I'll be left pregnant and alone! I feel another hit to my stomach racket through me and Christian's arms are the only thing that stops me collapsing to the floor.

"Ana! What's wrong? Tell me what you need?" his voice is full of panic as he cradles me close to him

"I need to sit down, I'm exhausted" I feel his lips against my head as he gently picks me up and I snuggle into his chest, it feels so good to be held like this.

"Esmee I'm really sorry but I have to look after Ana, Taylor will be in shortly to arrange another meeting. It was nice meeting you Victoria and I hope we can have a proper conversation next time" I feel his right arm tighten around me as he uses his left hand to shake Tori's.

"My name's Tori, no one calls me Victoria" I can hear the little girls annoyance at having to shake someone's hand; obviously she's not use to people being so formal around her.

"My apologies Tori, again I'm sorry for ending our meeting but Ana's health is of high importance. Excuse me" and with no more than a nod he's spun us around and heading back towards our bedroom. I have to admit I can't keep the smile off my face.


	5. Just a dream

**_Hey everyone J_**

**_I'm really sorry that I haven't uploaded recently but I had a bit of a crisis with my university accommodation for next year , thankfully everything's sorted now . Thank god cus that was sooo much drama hehe_**

**_I have just finished chapter 8 but I may change it before uploading as I am just not sure what direction I want to take with this . So please if you have ideas , let me know as I'd love to know what you all think._**

**_I just want to send a huge thank you to every single reader , follower and favourite. You are all stars to me really :D I cannot tell you how excited I get when I get an email saying I have a new follower, let's just say I shrike with joy hehe_**

**_Anyway please let me know what you think of Christian's point of view J_**

**_Lots of love Alexandra xx_**

* * *

**Christians POV**

I cradle Ana in my arms as I carry her carefully through to our bedroom, her eyes gently closing as she starts to drift off, giving me a chance to appreciate my beautiful wife. Watching the standoff between Ana and Esmee was interesting to say the least, I love watching Ana get all jealous over other women, as long as she remembers I only have eyes for her. I lean into kiss her forehead and leave her to sleep, wandering out the bedroom and back towards the formal living room, hoping I can catch Esmee before she leaves.

"Esmee, can we have a word please" I call out just as Esmee is pulling Victoria towards the front door. She stops and stares at me and I can see her reverting back to her submissive days and it makes me smile. How long it's been since I had the opportunity to be a complete dominate, not that I need that life anymore, I've got Ana who is more than enough for me, but sometimes it feels good to remember what I once had.

"Yes of course Mr Grey" She nods softly and turns to her daughter "Tori go wait with Mr Taylor at the car, I'll be there in a moment" Victoria just shrugs and gives me a nonchalant wave before wandering out the door, her feet dragging as she walks, I resist the urge to shout at her for not picking her feet up and instead nod for Esmee to follow me through to my office, ignoring Taylor's confused expression. I enter the office and sit in my chair, nodding for her to sit down on the dark brown leather sofa to the side of my office.

"Esmeralda we have a lot we have to talk about. Victoria being is of course my main concern but I am also concerned with your attitude towards my wife" Esmee's eyes shoot up and she shakes her head.

"Mr Grey if I came across the wrong way to you and Ana then I am truly sorry" I silence her with my hand and she clamps her mouth closed , I can feel my palm twitching and I fight to keep my voice calm.

"Know one thing, before we agree a further meeting between me and Victoria, I've had trouble with my previous subs in my past and my family has been threatened one too many times for me not to take things like this seriously. So let me tell you now, if you are doing all of this to somehow get back into my life then I advise you to stop" I'm fully in my Dom mode and strangely I feel at home , I feel safe , best of all I feel in control.

"Mr Grey, Sir, I promise you all I want is for Tori to know her father. I would never ever try to sabotage your happiness, all I want is for you to be happy Mr Grey, I've always wanted you to be happy" her sea green eyes meet mine and I feel my breath catch involuntarily. Jesus Christian get a hold of yourself, your bloody wife is sleeping in the bedroom for god sake, a wife you're head over heels for. I nod softly and dismiss her with a small wave of my hand; she stands quickly and is out of my office within seconds. Esmeralda was always good at doing as she was told. She showed me that on our first day, and what a day it was.

"Turn around" I command and she does straight away, keeping her head down as I review her appearance. I smile to myself, she fits the profile I asked for perfectly, with her pale skin and brown hair, an added bonus being her mystifying eye, they are a strange mixture of blue and green with the slightest touch of grey, they are beautiful. She's beautiful.

But the sickening thing is her beauty makes me want to hurt her , beat the shit out of her , take away her ability to control even her most natural responses and have her completely under my control. Because she looks like the woman who abandoned me and let me get hurt, let me get abused, and now I have the power to get that control I went so long without. Elena had shown me what it felt like to be controlled and now it was my turn to experience what she had, she had taught me well, you could even say I was a natural Dom. Although there was a part of me which still felt uneasy, unsure of how far I could push this woman, she's consented and our contract is signed and sealed for the next three months and yet I still worry my anger we'll be too much for her. I stop and make myself remember Elena's clear instructions when she sent me Esmee, the beautiful young brunette stood in front of me right now.

"Remember Christian you are her Dom, you have the control and she does as you say. Don't take no for an answer. Esmee wants to be there, and she knows what she's getting into, so whatever you do don't go easy on her. Ever"

I smile as I remember mine and Elena's time together, she really has helped me, made me a better person. I was so messed up, so hurt and full of rage and had no outlet for it. Now I have a way and it suits me perfectly. If only her stupid husband hadn't caught us, we were perfect the way we were until he came home early and ruined everything, my fist still aches from the blow I threw at his thick skull. Elena has still kept in touch though, thank god as I have no idea how to acquire a submissive my own, and she was the person who advised me to try taking on a dominant role instead of the submissive one, even offering to help me write up a contract of rules and regulations for the subs ensuring everything runs smoothly, which means I can spend all my time starting my business ideas while she works out the paper work. We're a great team.

"Mr Grey?" The brunette's voice snaps me out of my daydream and I jump slightly. She's looking up at me hesitantly, her sea green eyes clouded with a mixture of concern and uncertainty. I step towards her and narrow my eyes.

"I didn't tell you to speak" her eyes widen instantly before shooting to the floor once more.

"I'm sorry Sir, you were quiet for so long, I wondered what was wrong" Damm it! How long had I been thinking about Elena then? Long enough to realise Esmee was still in the room it would seem.

"I still didn't tell you to speak. You know what this means Esmeralda?" I circle her slowly, revealing in the sense of power which fills.

"Punishment Sir" she whispers

"Louder Esmeralda" I'm standing directly behind her

"I need to be punished Sir" She says in a louder voice. I smile wickedly, Elena was right being in control is much far more fun than being controlled.

"Take those panties off and bend over the bench, if you move you'll be punished more. Do you understand Esmeralda?" she does as I tell her and me circle the beautiful sight, such vulnerability all at the hands of me, how could anyone not live with this feeling?

"Yes" she whispers again as she moves into position swiftly.

"Yes what Esmeralda?" I reach for my thinnest and most sharp edged belt, my favourite of all my items, gently running the expensive leather through my fingers. Moving to stand next to her I run my hand over her bare skin, right where I will hit.

"Yes Sir" The second she replies I let the belt hit her skin. Her scream rings out across my playroom. The sound is like a symphony to my dark soul.

A loud bang wakes me suddenly and I jump in my seat , wiping the sleep from my eyes as I stand , only to notice I'm standing with a huge hard on!

"Fuck!" I sit back down and try to somehow cover it with my other leg, an act made difficult by my suit trousers. Shit what to do now? I can hardly call Taylor in to ask him about the bang, he might have worked for me for 8 years but there are only so many things a man can let another man see. I definitely can't let Ana see this, although she can definitely help in resolving this but first she'll want to know why it's happen and I don't want to think about that, especially when I know the answer is thinking about dominating a woman she's just met.

"Mr Grey?" I hear Taylors voice behind my office door.

"What!" I snap, and instantly regret it, it's not Taylor's fault I'm in this awkward situation.

"Mrs Grey is awake and wondering where you are, should I send her to you?" Shit Ana's awake already? How long have I been asleep? I glance at my wrist watch, shit! I've been out for nearly three hours! Its nearly 10 o clock and Ana hasn't eaten since lunch, she needs to eat.

I spring to my feet and exit my office, missing Taylor by an inch with the door as I open it with a push, as I walk as fast as I can towards the bedroom. Ignoring Taylor's muffled voice as he tries to catch up with me, whatever it is he wants can wait, Ana needs to eat something, she's carrying my child and therefore it is imperative that she needs to eats regularly. I sprint past our open planed kitchen and am just about too bound up the stairs when a voice halts me.

"Christian?" I spin round and my grey eyes lock on her beautiful blue ones

"Ana you need to eat dinner" her eyes drop down a little and its then that I notice she's holding a bowl of some sort of rice dish , I sigh with relief that she's eating , although her eyes are still staring at me but not at my face. I watch Gail walking behind her and stop when she sees me, her eyes darting from Ana to me before mouthing something but I can't understand it, she gives up and points at me. I look down. Fuck I forgot the hard on!

"Ana I can explain , it's not what it looks like I swear" I try to walk towards her but she steps back sharply , her bowl of food falling from her hand and smashing against the marble floor , sending rice and tomato everywhere.

"Your aroused by her" her sweet voice is so soft, so broken. It hits my heart like a spike.

"No Ana I'm not I swear" and I'm telling the truth. Esmee is nothing to me, nothing at all, but that feeling of dominating her, dominating anyone, really dominating them, that's what's caused this. And I hate myself for it.

"Ahhhhhhh!" I watch as she yelps out in pain and clutches her bump, our precious little blip, and falls to her knees in front of me, tears of pure pain filling her eyes. Although I don't know if they have been caused by me or the pain, my fear tells me it's both.

"Ana, what's wrong? What should I do? Tell me?" I've never been this scared, scared that she might be losing blip! Scared that I've caused her this pain because of my stupid messed up life!

"Get me to a hospital! Now!"

**Ana's POV**

I wake up with a smile and turn over, expecting to find Christian next to me; I sit up when I find the bed empty. Hmm strange, he almost always stays with me when I feel low, even if it means working on his laptop next to me, he never just leaves me. I purse my lips in thought before slipping out of bed and wandering out the bedroom, heading straight for the kitchen. I've been asleep for hours and I'm starving, not just that but Christian may be in the kitchen and I desperately want my husband to hold me in his arms , he has a way of making me feel so safe and looked after , he makes me smile. I hear movement coming from the kitchen and I quicken my pace, although I stop when I see Gail talking with Taylor in hushed tones. What could they be talking about? I clear my throat and they both jump dramatically. Taylor shuffles slightly before composing himself and nodding a greeting at me.

"Mrs Grey" his eyes don't meet mine, its unnerving how uncomfortable he seems.

"Taylor, is Christian around at all?" I slide onto one of our kitchen stools.

"I think he's in his office Mrs Grey, I haven't seen him since Miss Gold left" Oh thank god she's gone, something just doesn't feel right about little Miss Esmee. And what a little brat her daughter is, such a bad attitude. I gently stroke my bump, Blip will be better behaved with me and Christian as parents, I just know it.

"Ana? Can I get you something to eat?" I look up and smile as Gail asks.

"Yes please Gail, have you got any of the risotto you made last night leftover?" She nods happily before turning to the fridge and preparing me a bowl of her delicious sundried tomato and chicken risotto.

"Gail, can I ask you something?" I whisper, looking down at the black granite worktop.

"Of course Ana" she places the bowl into the microwave and hits in for reheat before turning to face me.

"How do you feel that Taylor has a child with another woman, I mean did it bother you when you two became a couple?" I can see her flinch a little. God maybe I'm being to personal, I mean she is staff at the end of the day, no matter how much I treat her as family it is my husband who signs her pay check and asking her about her relationship might be a step too far.

"Yes it did" She takes me by surprise by answering and I look up at her , her kind eyes lock with mine as her lips curl into a small smile "but then I got to know Sophie and I realised I loved Taylor more because he had her" she smiles to herself , she must be thinking of Taylor , it's such a lovely sight. She has a wonderful motherly smile.

"Didn't you ever feel, I dunno, worried that you'd be replaced by Sophie?" once again she smiles, just as the microwave dings its completion.

"No not really. I met Jason when he already had Sophie so she must have thought I was going to take her dad away from her. However over time I've come to see Sophie as my own, she's my family because she's Jason's" I smile my thanks as the steaming bowl of risotto is placed in front of me , taking a huge spoonful as I think over what Mrs Jones has just said.

Could I see Tori as my own child? I'd like to think so, I'd never seen myself as the type to reject people who haven't done anything wrong, but with Tori it's different. Don't ask me why but something just feels off, how do I even know that she belongs to Christian, apart from Esmee's word we have nothing to go on, no DNA proof. How can I accept her if I know absolutely nothing about her or Esmee, it's just too much to take on.

I jump back in shock as Gail accidently drops one of our large pasta serving bowls, causing a loud bang to resonate around the vast open planned kitchen. Instantly I get up to help her clean up, laughing with her as she complains about her butterfingers. We get the kitchen cleared swiftly and I start to walk back to my chair, I'm still clutching my bowl, just as Christian races past our kitchen towards the stairs.

"Christian?" he stops at the sound of my voice and spins around, his eyes wide and anxious. Where the hell has he been all this time?

"Ana you need to eat dinner" I roll my eyes and as I do I notice a bulge just below his hips and I feel my risotto travel back up my throat. Standing in front of me is the man I love with all my heart and soul , but he's got a huge erection and considering I've been asleep for the last 3 hours I highly doubt it's because of me. That only leaves the stunning brunette we had in our formal living room earlier on today, a stunning brunette who use to be his sexual slave. He doesn't seem to notice what I'm staring at but suddenly looks down and his face visibly shifts to embarrassment as he steps towards me.

"Ana I can explain, it's not what it looks like I swear" he steps towards me again and the sight makes me move back shiftily. My bowl falls from my hand and hits the floor with a loud crash as the china smashes and the risotto is sent flying across the floor. Tears are welling up in my eyes as I look at him.

"Your aroused by her" my voice catches and I have to gulp back a sob. My worst fear was him leaving me now that he's seen Esmee after all these years and this , this is just the first horrific step towards my nightmare become a reality.

"No Ana I swear I'm not" his eyes plead for me to believe him but I don't, I don't believe him, I believe he's been thinking about her. A shocking thought hits me, what if she didn't leave when I went to sleep! What if she stayed and they spoke! Have I already lost him to her?

Another sharp pain rockets through my stomach and I cry out, holding onto my stomach as I feel my legs crumble beneath me as I hit the hard marble floor painfully. Tears fill my eyes as I hold onto my bump , screaming in my head that Blip is safe , that I'm not going to lose my precious little baby before I've even met them. Not Blip! I'd rather die than lose my baby.

"Ana, what's wrong? What should I do? Tell me?" he's next to me in seconds, crouching down with blazing eyes full of fear and pain. Good he should feel bad, he's hurt me, he's lusting for Esmee and therefore hurting me. The pain kicks up a notch and I yelp out, clamping my eyes tight as I try to ride it out and beg my voice to work.

"Get me to hospital! Now!"


	6. Baby in distress

**Hi everyone :) **

**Just a quick thank you to everyone's reviews and all my lovely followers and favourites. **

**I also just want to put anyone's mind at rest and make this clear now that this is not a cheating story line. Both Ana and Christian will always be faithful. Although the rest is going to be drama filled of course hehe**

**I'm sorry its taken so long to update but I'm going back to Uni soon and had to sort some stuff out before I got down to writing more , but it's all sorted now so yay **

**Anyway on to the story , hopefully this chapter will clear up why Ana has been fainting so much , as I know lots of you are getting annoyed at her weakness. **

**Alexandra xx**

* * *

The pain I feel increases as my emotions heighten. Everything feels so wrong! I feel trapped in my own inner turmoil. This overpowering drama is literally suffocating me , I need to get away , I need time to breath and think. I need to see a doctor!

"Christian please . Please get me to the hospital. Blip is in trouble , I just know it!" my voice is so weak and broken. My whole body is fighting to keep standing but all I want to do is sleep. Sleep and never wake.

"Breath baby , keep strong for us Ana. Please don't let this break us. You just have to breathe through this , it will be over soon" Christian's voice is nearly as broken as mine. He knows how much he's hurt me by his deception. He's been thinking about another women and not just any women but an ex sub who he's got a daughter with. In my eye's that's just as bad as physically sleeping with someone.

"Stop telling me to breath and get me to the hospital!" I shout at him and once again pain racks my body causing me to scream out. I can't even look at him , because in some weird way he's caused this. My pain is caused by my stress , that much is obvious , and he is the only thing that causes me stress , him and his fifty fucking shades!

"Taylor! Get the car ready and ring my mother and tell her to meet us at the hospital. Tell her to stop whatever she is doing , Ana needs her!" I refrain from shouting at Christian for directing his anger at poor Taylor , it's no use causing another unneeded argument.

Within seconds of Christian barking his orders at Taylor I feel strong arms picking me up effortlessly and carrying me out the door towards the waiting SUV. Another kick of pure pain slams into me and I scream into Christian's chest , tears of raw emotion flowing freely down my cheeks. I desperately fight the sudden exhaustion that takes over , I refuse to blackout again. I'm not going to be weak little Anastasia anymore.

"Breath through it baby" sooths my husband as we speed down the highway towards the hospital.

"Stop telling me to breath! I am breathing Christian!" my anger is so intense that I startle Taylor as he drives us and I catch his anxious eyes staring at me from the rear view mirror. Poor Taylor he really does have to put up with a lot working for Christian and me. I send him a weak apologetic smile and he nods softly before turning his attention back to the road.

"Taylor drive faster! I want us at that hospital now! Put your foot down or so help me god you won't be hearing the end of this!" I snarl at Christian's anger. I don't care how worried he is or how much he hates not being in control. I will not have a good man like Taylor being spoken to like that! He has nothing wrong!

"Stop shouting at him" unfortunately my voice betrays me and comes out as a barely audible squeak.

"What was that baby?" his arm is around me swiftly and his voice full of that love and concern I know and love , although I wish he would keep that voice at all times.

"I said stop shouting at Taylor. He's done nothing wrong Christian and you know it" another wave of pain kicks me hard and I wince , shutting my eyes in an attempt to fight the desperate need I have to shut down. Using every ounce of strength I have I move away from his arms and lock my eyes with his. "The anger you have against Taylor is just your way of ignoring the anger you should have against yourself. You're the one in the wrong here Christian , not Taylor" I notice Taylor's eyes watching me again but I ignore him . I know he doesn't like me defending him against Christian , he's a very loyal employee and also Christian's friend , but I need to say this. I'm the only person who Christian listens too , at least I think I am. My husband still hides so much from me that sometimes I wonder who he really trusts with all his secrets. I keep this to myself though and instead watch his grey eyes blink rapidly , obviously not expecting such a deep conversation from this hasty trip.

"Ana I..." I cut him off as we reach the hospital. Leaning over carefully and opening the door so I can slide out of the SUV. Ignoring Christian's anger as I walk away from him and head straight for the reception desk.

"Ana! Ana stop. Let me handle this" he races over to me and grabs my arm , pulling me back before I can enter the building. Not this time Mr Grey. For the first time I will control the situation.

"Christian let go of my arm" his eyes meet mine and I can physically feel the panic that is pulsing through him. My behaviour is unusual to him , yes I go against him but never when I'm this much in pain. I know he wants to be the knight in shining armour that goes storming into the hospital and makes sure that I am given the best treatment available straight away. He has that power , he's Christian Grey for God sake. He always gets what he wants. But not this time.

"Ana please let me help" his eyes are tearing up , the light has completely dwindled from them and left them empty and desperate. It's a killing sight to see him so lost , so scared of being left alone. Once again he's that lost little boy in mismatched clothing desperately trying to wake the women who he loves with all his heart. But my heart is too broken , too destroyed even , to let him take this from me. I need to show him my hurt , my pain. This is the way it has to be , for myself and blip. We have to fight our own battle for once.

"Go home Christian. You've got me to the hospital , you've done what I asked. Now I'm asking you to leave me alone. This is hurting our baby , the stress is too much for me , it's dangerous for me to surround by so much. So please do as I ask and let me heal" slowly I back away from him , letting his arm fall to his side as he lets go. His whole body shrinks in on itself as I move further away from him.

"Your leaving?" my stomach twists and knots as another hit of pain crashes against me but I hardly feel it , all I am thinking about is keeping myself moving further and further away from the broken man in front of me.

"No . I just need time. You need to work out what to do with Esmee and Tori and I can't be there to witness it. It's too painful to watch Christian. I'll be here when you're ready to face everything but right now I can't be a bystander in this betrayal. I just can't do this. I'm sorry Christian , really I am. Now please go home" and with that I turned on my heel and practically ran towards the large glass doors of the hospital. The second they slammed behind me I felt nurses run over to me in a panic as I felt the exhaustion I'd been keeping in finally take over , my body slipping to the ground as the darkness I'd become use to covered me like a blanket.

* * *

"Ana darling? Can you hear my petal?" my mom's soft voice brings me out of my restless slumber and I open my eyes to her smiling but concerned face , her sweet eyes are locked on mine as her hand reaches to hold mine tightly "Oh Ana , my sweet little girl what have you done to yourself?" I can't help but smile at my mother's cuteness.

I sit up and wince as I notice the bandage wrapped tightly around my bump. Pure panic hits me and I gasp , thankfully my mom calms me with a soft shake of the head "your baby is well Ana. Although your blood pressure has spiked dangerously causing the baby to go into massive distress, you need to be more careful my darling. You need to keep calm , everything you feel the baby feels" my eyes move to my bump and once again my eyes are full of tears. I did this to my baby , I caused the most precious thing in my life harm? How could I be so stupid!

"Can I go home mom?" she rests her hand over mine on my bump and shakes her head softly , leaning over me to wipe away a tear.

"Not yet my darling. Doctor Trevelyan-Grey and Doctor Greene want to keep you in for a few days to make sure there hasn't been any permanent damage to your baby. Those cramps you were experiencing were caused by your blood pressure Ana , not to mention the blackouts. You really need to remember your condition before letting your stress levels rise. It's not healthy to be this stressed when you're carrying a child" I nod softly as I take in everything she's saying , my mind racing as I remember all the stress I've had to endure recently. Esmee and Victoria coming out of nowhere. That was the first time I blacked out.

"Ah Ana your awake , how are you feeling dear?" I smile as Grace enters my small hospital room looking as beautiful and motherly as ever in light beige suit trousers and a pale pink blouse with her doctor's coat on over the top. It's impossible not to smile when Grace is around , she just has such a caring nature to her, that just eases any stress and tension a person may be feeling instantly.

"Still a bit weak but better" she smiles again and nods a polite hello to my mother before checking my chart at the bottom of my bed. I bite my lip as I brace myself to ask her a question that needs to be answered."Grace have you spoken to Christian at all?" she seems taken aback by my question and just stares between my mom and myself for a few seconds before taking a deep breath and putting my chart back in its holder.

"He called me yes , although he hung up very quickly. He sounded extremely upset about something" she looks up and meets my eyes "I'm guessing you know why" instantly I feel sick and I gesture for my mum to pass me a sick bag , she does and I vomit dramatically.

"Jesus Ana" Grace exclaims as she rushes out to grab another doctor as my mother pulls my hair away from my mouth as I continue to empty the contents of my stomach into the sick bag. Tears fill my eyes as I remember watching Christian stood in front of me as I walked away , his eyes so dead of emotion as if his entire soul had switched off from the inside. And yet he still had called his mother to make sure I was cared for properly . He still cares even when I run away. I fall back against the pillows as my vomiting stops and once again my eyes close and I fall into a deep sickness induced sleep.

* * *

**Christians POV**

Watching Ana walk away from me has got to be one of the most painful experiences I have ever had to endure. My whole existence is her and my baby , a baby she is carrying. To lose her because of my stupid arousal for a woman I haven't thought about for nearly 8 years makes me hate myself more than ever before. Once again my sickening past is fucking up my future. A future I so want to create with Ana. A women with whom I see myself as being happy with , a woman who I love with everything I am. She is my life and I've lost her! Again!

"Taylor!" I yell down the hallway as I enter the house. Suddenly I remember Ana's words _the anger you have against Taylor is just your way of ignoring the anger you should have against yourself. You're the one in the wrong here Christian , not Taylor _she's right , I am angry at myself. I'm fucking furious with myself! But I shouldn't take that out on Taylor , this isn't his fault, its mine!

"Yes Mr Grey?" he steps out of his office and I notice Mrs Jones poke her head around the door , her face is as white as a sheet and I know she's been worrying about Ana. God everyone's worried about Ana , she's been in so much pain recently , it can't be healthy for her to be blacking out so much. I smile a small smile at her and she wipes a tear away before going back into Taylor's office. Taylor stands at attention , obviously expecting me to shout at him for not driving fast enough earlier.

"I just want to apologise for my anger directed at you earlier on and just now. I shouldn't have spoken to you like that , you were driving perfectly safely and I shouldn't have told you to do otherwise. I'm sorry" I nodded awkwardly as Taylor nodded back at me , obviously not have expected me to say sorry. Is that really what people expect of me? To never apologise when I'm rude? Maybe being this powerful isn't always a good thing. Look at what I've lost because of it.

"Mr Grey?" I look up as Taylor speaks , running a hand through my hair as I do.

"Yes Jason?" Ana always said I should speak to Taylor as a friend as well as my employee and deep down I do trust this man with mine and my family's lives. I think that means he deserves to be called by his first name from time to time.

"Gail and I were wondering if you had heard anything about Mrs Grey's condition. Gail heard Mrs Grey complaining about abdominal cramps and worried about the baby" once again Gail's head pokes around Taylor's office door frame and I beckon her out into the hallway , smiling as she reaches for Taylor's hand. Instantly I wish Ana was here with me , I miss her so much it physically hurts.

"My mother is tending to her , she promised a full report as soon as Ana woke up" I check my watch "however that was a good half an hour ago so perhaps I should ring again , just to check everything's ok" I desperately try to keep my voice calm but the thought of Ana not waking up makes me die inside and I feel my voice catch. Thank fully Gail and Taylor choose to ignore my moment of weakness and instead smile at me before turning back to Taylor's office. Leaving me to make the dreaded phone call.

"Christian?" My mother's voice instantly calms me and I smile that she still makes me feel so safe after all these years.

"Mom , I'm calling about Ana. Has she woken up yet?" saying the words cuts me to the core and I have to sit down on the edge of the sofa to stop myself collapsing. Please God let her be ok , let her still be with me.

"No not yet my darling , she's weak Christian. The baby is in serious distress and its draining her dramatically" No! No not my baby! Not my precious unborn baby! I'm its father and I'm helpless to save it from this pain. I caused this! I caused my baby and my precious pain! How could I be so fucking idiotic to ever think I was becoming a good man! I'm a monster!

"Mom please help her! Please she's everything to me , my baby and her they are my life" tears rush down my cheeks as an image of my Ana lying lifeless on a hospital bed haunts my mind. I can't help her! I have no control and I am lost , so lost.

"I'm sorry my darling but there is nothing I can do. This is down to Ana , she just needs to keep fighting to keep herself awake. She's strong Christian , she will come through this but I can't do anything to speed up the process . I so wish I could my darling" I slam the phone down as I give into my sobs. My mom was my last hope of gaining control and even she can't help. It's down to Ana now , everything that has any meaning to me is now in the palm of the most beautiful and wonderful woman I have ever met. My Ana. Please let her and my baby be ok.


	7. Hospital aftermath

**Hello everyone **

**Sorry it's been so long since the last update but once more University stuff has overwhelmed me , but I've got a week of free time now so fingers crossed I can get a few more chapters out before it all kicks off for me hehe**

**Thursday was a very eventful day for me as I got to go down to Piccadilly Circus in London and had the pleasure of meeting the incredible E.L James and got all three of my fifty books signed! She is amazing honestly! **

**Right now onto the chapter! Once again I just want to stress that this is not a cheating storyline , but that doesn't mean Ana is going to run back to Christian straight away. Hope you enjoy and once again please review and PM as I love hearing what you all have to say. **

**Alexandra xxxx **

* * *

Its dark when I wake up, my eyes take a while to adjust to the darkness. And then I see him, his tall frame filling the plush armchair next to my bed as he snores softly in his sleep, how long has he been here? I never ever would have expected him to stay the night, not after all that's happened. Slowly I sit up and examine his profile, dark olive skin and thick curly hair, those deep brown eyes unseen as he sleeps soundly. What is Jose Rodriquez doing at my bedside?

Not that I'm not happy to see him, he is after all one of my closest friends, but since I married Christian our relationship has been ... different to say the least. However he was there for me when I nearly lost Ray, not to mention the fact he nearly lost his dad as well. I had thought we had become closer because of our shared circumstance but he'd seemed even more distant after Ray was confirmed fully healed. Our relationship use to be so close, he was someone I could always run to if I needed a friend. I clear my throat and he wakes immediately, sitting bolt upright in his chair, his dark brown eyes locking on my blue ones.

"Ana! You're awake? Its late you should be resting" he shifts forward and takes my hand , his eyes still burning into mine , his fingers intertwining with mine.

"Jose what are you doing here? How did you know I was even  
admitted?" he smiles softly once more and squeezes my hand gently.

"Your mom rang, said you could use a friend. And what with Kate jetting off to Miami with Elliott, I'm afraid I'm all you've got. I hope you don't mind me being here Ana" of course, I'd completely forgotten Kate had decided to do pre wedding holiday while I was pregnant, I really don't want to be a bridesmaid at this size. Jose's eyes are filled with anxiety, it's obvious he's unsure as to whether I'm glad to see him or not. Instantly I feel terrible for the way I've neglected our friendship.

"Of course I don't mind Jose. If I'm completely honest I'm getting sick of being here now, it's been three days and they just keep saying I'll be able to go home soon, but it's not soon enough" I squeeze his hand back and his smile is so warm that I can feel my stress releasing, I'm still cared for my best friend, a friend I have treated atrociously because of my controlling and overbearing husband.

"You'll be out soon Ana, your mom said you've been getting stronger every day." Mom hadn't said that to me, although in all honesty I haven't been awake enough to actually have a full blown conversation with someone, apart from Blip who I talk to everyday. "Ana, do you have anywhere to stay once you're discharged? Now that you've left Christian that is?" I look up from my bump, which I realise I've been stroking since I woke up, and meet Jose eyes once more. Such kindness and concern for me, it's all there in his eyes, all his emotions shine at me from those deep brown iris's. But wait, I never told him about me walking away from Christian, I never told anyone. Not my mom, not Grace. So how does Jose know?

"How do you know that?" I move my hand away from his and I see his eyes widen in worry.

"I just assumed you'd leave after you found out about his child with that ex of his. I have to tell you Ana I want to ring his neck for what he's done too you , you deserve so much better than that..." I cut him off with my hand and he clamps his mouth shut dramatically. How can he know so much! I've kept quiet, dead quiet! No one knows about Esmee and Tori! Not even Grace who is Tori's new Grandmother for God sake! And yet somehow Jose has found out mine and Christians secret before anyone else! It makes no sense, but I'm about to find out.

"How do you know about Victoria?" I move as far away from him as I can without straining myself. Jose tries to hold my hand again but I snatch it away. I don't know how he could have found out such deep personal secrets, it makes no sense to me, and that scares me.

"You talk Ana; you talk in your sleep and well I listened" Shit! Double shit! How much did I say, what else does he know? However much I'm angry at Christian right now I would never ever tell his secrets , our secrets , but I can't control myself when I'm sleeping!

"Jose you can't tell a soul" Panic racks through me as I think of my mom finding out about Christian and I's personal stuff , she's a romantic heart , it'd kill her to imagine her daughter in such a dark relationship. Not that I've ever been an official submissive to Christian but we aren't exactly the vanilla express all the time.

"I won't Ana I promise you" once again he takes my hand and I just know I can trust him. He's always protected me , always been there for me. I know he won't abandon me now.

"Oh no , I forgot I did tell Ray. It was just after I'd found out and I was so upset. God what's he going to think now?" once again I'm panicking , what if Ray tells my mom!

"Ana stop panicking! The doctors have told you to keep your stress levels down so stop thinking things through so much. Ray will look out for you no matter what , and that means if you've told him to keep it quiet about this kid then he will , ok?" I nod and he squeezes my hand affectionately "So do you have a place to stay?"

"Why do you ask?" he seems fixated on fining out and I can't work out why he's so obsessed.

"Well I've recently moved to Seattle"

"What? When? You never said" he stops and processes what I've said.

"I didn't think it right to call. We both know me and Mr Grey don't see eye to eye. In all honesty Ana I hate that man , and I'm this close to going round to that extravagant house of yours and smashing his face in for hurting you like this" I shake my head at his anger and he calms down , I smile weakly as I feel his hand tighten around mine. I knew Jose didn't approve of me and Christian but the passion of his anger is so aggressive that I'm taken aback by it.

"When did you move? Wait what about WSU?" he glances out the window as the heavens open and the Seattle streets are drenched in this sudden storm.

"I dropped out" I gasp and he meets my eyes once more.

"What! Why would you do something so stupid!" Jose is an intelligent young man with a bright future in front of him! What the hell does he think he's doing dropping out of college when he has one year left! It's stupid , it's immature , and it's not something the Jose I know would do.

"Because I don't want to be an engineer Ana , you of all people know how much I want to pursue my photography. I can't keep pretending to myself that I actually enjoy my degree! And anyway you were the only reason I stayed at that god forsaken University for so long. I had to come to Seattle , if not for my job, but to ensure I didn't lose you" my mouth goes dry instantly and I move my hand away , causing his eyes to widen in confusion.

"Jose we spoke about this. I'm married remember" his eyes cloud over with anger and he stands abruptly , startling me slightly.

"Yea, to a complete bastard who has broken your heart!" I sit up and grab his hand , hoping this will calm him enough to sit back down. A petite nurse rushes in at the sound of Jose's shouting but I shoot her a warning look , which she notices and backs away without Jose noticing.

"Jose please this isn't the time or place" he nods and sits back down , holding his head with one hand and squeezing mine with the other.

"I'm sorry Ana. I just can't stand watching this happen to you and know that I am completely useless to help you. It kills me to see you hurt" his words are so genuine that I feel tears fill my eyes , all he wants is to help. How can I say no?

"You could help by giving me a place to stay? Mom's going back to Georgia with Bob and Ray's got his routine at his , he doesn't need me coming in burdening him" his head snaps up and his smile is so bright and infectious that I find myself smiling right back.

"That's what I was trying to say . It'd be my pleasure to look after you Ana. You know your more than welcome" I lean forward and gently kiss his cheek , who cares if I'm sending the wrong message , he deserves my thanks. I don't deserve such kindness from him and yet here he is , I mean he's given up his degree in order to stay close to me! How can I refuse his kindness when all I've done since I met Christian is push him further and further away.

"Thank you Jose. It means a lot to still have your friendship" once again he squeezes my hand and smiles gently at me.

"I'll always be here for you Ana . Always"

* * *

I'm packing up the last of my things when Grace enters , her light brown suit highlighting her sandy brown hair perfectly , she smiles as she sees me.

"How are you feeling Ana dear?" I take my bag off the hospital bed and walk over to her , once again her sheer presence makes me relax and I can't help but return her warm motherly smile.

"A thousand times better thank you. I'm just glad to be able to leave this hospital really" I giggle and Grace smiles once more , placing her hand on my small shoulder.

"Take care of yourself Ana. I know you and Christian are going through something at the moment, god knows what considering he refuses to talk to me about it , but whatever the issue you two need each other. You just have to believe in the fact you can overcome anything as long as you stay true to your love" I nod softly and she leans in to kiss my cheek before turning around on her heel and exiting the small hospital room , leaving me with my thoughts.

So Christian hasn't told his family about Victoria? Still? Surely he needs to talk to Grace sooner or later about it , she is after all Victoria's Grandmother. Maybe he's struggling to build a strong enough relationship with the girl , she did seem rather stubborn at the house.

Silencing my thoughts I take one last look at my surroundings , checking I've not left anything, and make my way out to the parking lot where Jose is waiting to take me back to his apartment. I know how it looks , me walking out on Christian only to go and stay with a man everyone knows has a thing for me , but I truly believe Jose wants to help me. He's my best friend , a friend I need right now. I need someone to talk to , someone who knew me before I was Mrs Grey. Someone I can trust to talk to me honestly. Jose wants nothing from me but my friendship , ok he does but he knows now that it will never happen , and I believe him when he says he's accepted that. It's all innocent.

"Ana!" my heart stops as I hear that voice. No! Not now. He promised he'd stay away , he said he'd give me time! I take a deep steadying breath and turn to face him , his grey eyes meet mine from across the parking lot and he starts to sprint towards me . Part of me wonders if I should run away , perhaps head back into the safety of the hospital , but I stay put and within seconds he's stood in front of me. The beautiful Christian Grey is inches away from me and for the first time I feel absolutely no pull to him.

"You look so much better , you've got your colour back. Your beautiful" I look down and he reaches to hold my chin , I stop him and step back , letting his hand fall to his side.

"What are you doing here Christian. You said you'd let me have my time" he shakes his head and closes his eyes suddenly , as if he physically can't take in my words.

"You've had three days. I've come to take you home where you belong Ana" his eyes open and I swear I see tears forming. Tears won't work this time, too much has occurred for tears to fix my broken heart.

"I need more than three days. Have you sorted stuff out with Esmee and Tori?" he shakes his head and my voice catches slightly as anger ripples through me , what the hell has he been doing then?

"Talk to me when you've sorted out your domestic issues Christian , then and only then will we talk" I start to walk towards Jose's car , thankful that he's looking at his phone intently and hasn't noticed Christian talking to me , but Christian's voice stops me.

"Who are you staying with Anastasia?" it's not a question it's an accusation. I know he can see Jose in the car. His tone is dripping with anger and I know it's killing him to think another man will be in the same car as me. I turn back and challenge him , placing my hands on my hips.

"A friend Mr Grey" his eyes flare with pure infuriation and he steps forward , but stops when I put my hand up "one more step and I tell Grace about Esmee and Victoria" he stops and gasps , his eyes darting to the hospital door , where he knows Grace will be found.

"Who are you? My Ana would never say something so vile" he shakes his head in disgust and looks at the floor before pinning his eyes on me.

"Right now I'm not yours. And you should have thought of that before you had a dream about a woman who you once had as a sex slave! How do you think that makes me feel Christian? To know that my husband is aroused by a women who has the ability to give you what I can't! You have no idea how much you hurt me and until you do I want you to stay the hell away from me!"

My words snap him out of his anger and he gasps audibly. I hear Jose get out the driver's seat and look over my shoulder at him , putting my hand up to stop him running over. I turn back to Christian and take in his hunched shoulders and broken expression.

"Goodbye Christian"

Turning back to the car I throw my bag in the boot and slip into the passenger side of Jose's pickup truck. Jose says nothing as he puts the truck into gear and we pull out of the parking lot towards his apartment. I glance in the side mirror just in time to see Christian fall to his knees and Grace rushing out to help him.


	8. We need to talk about Jose

**Hellooo everyone x**

**Wow can I firstly say how thrilled I am that this story has 101 followers! It is such an amazing feeling and I am thankful to every single one of you. **

**This chapter is a long one but I hope it's also enjoyable. I'm still working on my villain issue so if any of you have ideas on whom you would like to see be the bad guy please please please let me know as I really do love hearing what you all have to say.**

**I've also created a poll on the issue so please go vote on who you'd like to see be evil hehe **

**Once again I just want to stress that this is not a cheating story, but that doesn't mean people will always be honest hehe**

**All characters belong to E.L James, well apart from Esmeralda and Victoria who are mine.**

**Now on with the chapter**

**Alexandra xxxxx **

* * *

"Ana! What the hell have to done to my bathroom?" I giggle as I hear Jose's voice from the bathroom and I know he's not impressed by my new decorations. Heaving myself out of the armchair I've been sitting in ,where I've been reading the latest manuscript Hannah has sent me to ensure I'm not too behind when I'm return to work after blips birth , I waddle over to the small bathroom.

I've been staying with Jose for nearly a week now and in all honesty it's been really good, of course there have been awkward moments here and there but that's normal. Overall it's been good to spend some time with Jose, it's weird but I feel like I've forgotten so much about him that every time he does or says something I find myself smiling ridiculously. His apartment is small but it's cosy and comfortable and I can't help but compare it to the grandeur and luxury of Escala. Here instead of having blinding white all over the place Jose has used a colour pallet of soft warm caramels and chocolate brown to create a real cosy home. It's wonderful to feel so at ease in every room, although there's only a 4 rooms, but still it's so cosy it's impossible not to feel relaxed all the time.

I enter the bathroom and instantly smile as I take in Jose's horrified expression as he reviews the bright pink toilet paper and fairy lights surrounding the mirror, not to mention the pink duckie that now resides on his bath shelf. He shakes his head in disbelief at me.

"What seems to be the problem Jose?" I giggle and lean against the doorframe. He just shakes his head again and holds his hands out to my pink masterpiece of a bathroom.

"Ana I know I said make yourself at home but I swear I can actually feel my manhood dying in this room. Please get rid of all this ... pink!" I giggle again and gently pat his shoulder, that's how small this bathroom is, I can literally reach him where ever I stand.

"Maybe you should start embracing your femininity" he gasps and shakes his head.

"Oh no I'm all man" I giggle again and roll my eyes , something I've been doing more and more since I've been away from Christian , strangely it feels weird to not be shouted at every time I do it.

"I know your all man Jose. I'm sorry I'll get rid of the pink , on one condition" his eyes meet mine and I can't help but smile at his obvious worry , jeeze you'd think I was asking him to commit a crime not let me decorate his precious apartment.

"I want to change the decking area" once again he shakes his head and moves towards the living room, which is bathed in light from the large glass door leading to the decked garden.

"Oh come on Jose, I need to thank you in some way for letting me stay here this long. Let me create the garden of your dreams for you, I have the money to do it" he opens the large glass door and steps out onto the decking, taking a deep breath, before turning to face me once more.

"It's his money Ana. And I don't want anything that's his in my home. Ever" I gulp and hesitantly follow him out, covering my eyes as the sun shines over me brightly.

"Jose please don't. I know you hate him but he's still my husband , and you know how much it hurts talking about him" he knows all too well considering he's been unable to get a good night's sleep for the last week as he's had to help me stop crying. The pain I feel without Christian cripples me every day, and yet I don't want to run back. Not yet anyway.

"I know Ana, I know. But see it from my point of view. He comes out of nowhere and suddenly your infatuated; to the extent you completely ignore me. I was here first Ana, and you choose him over me. I understand you love him but that doesn't mean I have to like him. So to answer your condition, the answer is no. You cannot change this decking, don't change anything" suddenly he stands "I have to go meet my publicist before the show tonight. Your still coming right?" I nod and he smiles "bye Ana, chin up Steel it's not all bad, you still got me" he kisses my hand and suddenly he's gone, leaving me in the beautiful Seattle sun in his empty decked garden.

I sit in the sun for what seems like hours, just staring into the living room through the open glass door, taking in the light brown couch and beige wood coffee table which is piled high with numerous girly magazines, the one thing Jose doesn't mind me leaving around the place. Those magazines give me an insight into his life, what functions he's attending, what newest project his company is investing in and most importantly whether or not he's told the public about his daughter. A daughter who one day will inherit his entire fortune, isn't that the first born child's destiny, to follow in their parents footsteps? What about the second child? What about my little blip? What's their destiny?

My phone pulls me from my thoughts and I glance at the caller ID, instantly ignoring it as I see his name. That's the 50th call this week. I never pick up. I'm too scared to talk to him, to worried as to what he'll say to me. What if I've driven him right into Esmee's arms? What if he wants a divorce! I wouldn't be able to handle that happening, which sounds stupid considering I'm the one who's run away, but I've only done this because he needs to work out this out on his own. I can't fight this battle with him, it hurts far too much to be there and watch her with him. I can't let myself witness that. However it still kills every time I see his picture and notice the sadness behind his fake smile, he's hurting without me. My phone beeps in my hand and as I expected he's emailed after the failed phone call, this being his 80th email.

* * *

**From: Christian Grey**

**Subject: Talk to me**

**Date: March 21****st**** 2011 17:35**

**To: Anastasia Grey**

Ana my love please talk to me, I need you home. It's been so long and I'm finding it hard to cope without you here with me.

I know you're mad and you have all the right in the world to hate me right now but please I beg you to at least let me try and win you back.

I'll do whatever it takes Ana. I will never stop fighting for you. Not till the day I die.

Please come home.

**Christian Grey**

**Depressed and alone CEO, Grey Enterprise Holdings, Inc**

* * *

Taking a deep breath I write my reply, something I haven't done to any of his other emails.

* * *

**From: Anastasia grey**

**Subject: Talking hurts**

**Date: March 21****st**** 2011 17:39**

**To: Christian Grey**

Talking hurts to much right now Christian. I need to keep strong and this is the only way I know I will, you mess with my head and make me forgive when I'm just not ready.

Soon we will talk but right now I need my time. Let me heal. Please.

Have you told Grace about Tori yet? If she is really your daughter Christian she deserves to know her family. You can't go on pretending she doesn't exist.

Face your demons, fight this battle.

Then and only then will I come back.

This is the way it is.

Ana

* * *

Pressing send causes another rush of tears and I put my head in my hands as I feel my body wrack with despair. I miss him so much it's painful but I'll never get anywhere by being weak. He's put me through so much since we met that I don't even know where the old Anastasia Steel is. I'm a different person to the young clumsy girl that fell into his office all those months ago. I've seen things and experienced things which no one could ever understand and yet I'm suppose to carry on as if there is nothing wrong? But there is something wrong. I've married the love of my life but he's too much for me sometimes , I want the playful fifty , the shy fifty , the man who dances with me around his apartment and takes me on jet skies. But sometimes he's so closed off and secretive, his dark soul still has such a hold on him that he shuts down on me. I know it seems dramatic to act like this after him just having a dream, it's not like someone can control their dreams, and I understand that. But the dream was just my tipping point. It is everything; everything I've ever said I've been okay with is now something I need to seriously think about. I can't keep pretending that I understand him when all he does is mess with my brain with his words and his looks. I love him so much that my logic is thrown out the window. Only now that I am away can I see my life for what it is. A mess!

I wait for his reply but none comes. Good, this means he's at least respecting my wishes by leaving me alone. Annoyingly though I kinda wish he'd get at least a little bit annoyed, maybe I am changing him, but the big question is if I'm changing him for the better or worse? My phone beeps at me and I roll my eyes, expecting another email or text from my ever impatient husband. Although it's from Jose not Christian, thank god.

_Hey Ana_

_Hope you're not sulking around the flat, its suppose to be a calming place not a depressing one J_

_Just wanted to let you know that the show starts at 7pm, and that I've arranged a cab to collect you at 6.30, hope that leaves you enough time to get ready. _

_Let me know if you need me, I'll be at the gallery if you get bored._

_Love Jose x_

I re-read the text and feel my lips smile, trust Jose to check up on me when he's only been gone for 20 minutes. Tonight is a huge show for him, hundreds of magazine editors and travel companies are coming to review his work as well as discuss freelance work with him, and yet he still takes the time to text me. It's such a small thing but it means the world to me.

Since Jose has moved to Seattle his photography career has rocketed and his photo's are becoming more and more popular among both commercial magazines and businesses looking to spice up their offices, tonight being the prime opportunity for him to get some permanent buyers.

At first I refused his offer to attend, I'm really showing in my pregnancy now and it's made me seriously self conscious around crowds, but Jose has insisted. Claiming I'm the only person whose praise he looks for, which is sweet but I know deep down he desperately wants to sign more professional buyers. He's also widening his range of photographs, which was mostly down to the success of his portraits of me at his previous show. He now specialises in both landscapes and portraits, mainly beautiful women, something Jose is more than happy to boast about when I tease him about still being single. I still remember the day I moved in and the bickering argument we had.

* * *

"So should I set myself up on the sofa?" I ask innocently as Jose opens the door to his ground floor apartment, the building is stunning but not intimidating like Escala, Jose stops dead in front of me and I bash into his front as he spins to face me.

"You really think I'd make a pregnant woman sleep on my couch? Ana I'm not that heartless. No you take the bed" he spins back and carries my bag through to his bedroom, located at the end of the apartment.

"Jose I can't ask that of you. This is your apartment after all" I walk in hesitantly and instantly smile at the soft caramel walls and soft wood flooring. Taking in the numerous sepia style photographs filling the far wall , a soft beige wood table and chairs set underneath a huge blown up print of the Seattle skyline , It looks like the view from Escala , its breathtaking.

"End of conversation Ana. You sleep in the bedroom" he wanders back in and puts his hands on his hips before gesturing to the apartment "so what do you think? Not bad for a college dropout hey?" he laughs and I feel myself blush , remembering my lecture at him in the hospital when he told me that he'd decided to leave his degree.

"It's lovely Jose, really homely and cosy. But really I'd prefer to sleep on the sofa. I mean what if you meet a lady friend and you want to bring her home, can't really do that if I'm in your bed now can you" I say with a giggle and he instantly laughs with me, raising his eyebrows in agreement. Although he stops laughing and looks at his fingers awkwardly, I stop giggling and soften my voice "Jose what's wrong?"

"I won't be bringing anyone back here Ana" I stay silent and he fidgets uncomfortably.

"You never know Jose, there's a special someone for everyone remember" he looks up and his dark eyes meet my light blue ones.

"I know but the thing is I've already met mine but she married someone else" I gasp and shake my head softly, looking down at the floor awkwardly.

"Jose we spoke about this" he just nods and runs a hand through his hair, my heart instantly drops as I remember Christian and the way he does the same thing.

"I know. Guess life's a bitch that way hey? Take the bedroom Ana, please" I nod my head and he walks past me, heading towards what I guess is the kitchen. I sigh deeply and make my way to the bedroom in silence.

* * *

Jose still brings up his comment about life being a bitch to him and nine times out of ten it has something to do with me being with Christian. I understand that he feels I picked the wrong man but in all honesty I didn't pick Christian, he picked me and I just couldn't stop myself falling helplessly in love with him. I never wanted any of this. God knows my life would be a hell of a lot simpler if I'd never met the elusive Mr Grey but then I wouldn't change anything about him or my life. Yes it's been drama filled and potentially life threatening at times but then the love I feel for that incredible man is so real and overwhelming that sometimes it's worth the hurt. However it's all well and good for me to think this but to actually live this life is another battleground all together, which is why I need this break, if not for our marriage to survive but to ensure I don't lose my mind. _Make your bloody mind up Ana, one minute you want him to change and the next you're saying you wouldn't change a thing about him or your life! You should like a broken record! _I swat my subconscious away and she just narrows her eyes at me over her glasses. She has a point though, which just makes me even more peeved off at her.

See this is what I mean; he messes with my head so much that I end up arguing with myself for hours on end only to give in and go on living in a delusional bubble of happiness. This time though I need to face my issues and demand a change, even if it means breaking his and my hearts in the process, I can't let myself turn a blind eye anymore. Stepping back into the apartment I wander over to the bedroom and start browsing my clothes for something appropriate to wear for the show, nothing looks good on me anymore. The best I can aim for is slightly overweight at best; otherwise I just look like a walking whale. It's so depressing.

By 6.15 I'm dressed in a sheer black lace dress with a soft belted waist, it covers my bump perfectly and has the ability to make me look young and chic and not huge and mismatched. Tying my long dark brunette hair into a soft undo, adding a black ribbon around the hair tie to ensure no stray tendrils fall out of place, my hair has a mind of its own and rarely does it behave itself. Slipping some white gold earrings in, a gift from Christian when he had to go to New York for a weekend, and slipping on some black flats, even though I wish I was still able to wear my heels but my ankles are beginning to swell and heels would kill me. I hear the cab beep its horn outside and quickly check my reflection once again , ensuring I look presentable , I am after all going to support my best friend and that means making sure I make him proud to be seen with me. I lock the front door behind me and slip into the passenger seat and check my phone for any emails or texts. My heart sinks when I am greeted by an empty inbox.

The warehouse turned exhibition hall is packed by the time I arrive, which I may add is only 10 minutes after the opening time. I smooth my dress down as I exit the cab and smile as I spot Jose standing just outside the large glass doors of the grey concrete building, his dark blue tux is slightly too big for him and I'm guessing its one of his dads old ones, but he stills as handsome as ever as he greets the guests with his natural charm, even going as far as kissing the ladies cheeks causing them to blush furiously. He looks up as I walk over and his face breaks into the warmest more genuine smile I've ever seen, he whispers something to the professional looking woman next to him before sprinting over to me.

"Ana you look absolutely stunning" I blush and suddenly I feel his lips against my cheek, his arm snaking around my waist as he does. Hesitantly I step back and gently shake my head, telling him he's a bit too friendly. He just sighs and rolls his eyes at me, a small smile crinkling his handsome face. "Fine I'll tone down the love sick puppy act a bit" I giggle and weave my arm through his, thanking him with my smile.

"Come on I want to show you off to these stuck up snobs , make them green with envy at my hot date" once again I shake my head at him , my heart sinks as his bright smile fades instantly.

"Jose I'm not your date, I'm here as your friend to support you. Remember?" he just nods and sighs deeply.

"Can't we pretend? Just for tonight? Please Ana, you look so good on my arm. Please let me dream the dream, just tonight" his eyes plead with me and pull at my heart strings, it's like he's looking directly into my soul and instantly I want to say yes. But I can't do that to Christian, ok so he'd never know if I did but I'd know and that's just as bad. How can I get this angry at him for dreaming about Esmee when I'm here pretending to be his enemy's girlfriend? It's not right and I refuse to do it.

"No Jose, we can't. I'm sorry. Now come on show me your work before it all gets sold" I squeeze his arm, praying he'll drop this fake date idea and move on. Thankfully he just shrugs and takes me into the huge expedition hall. It's full to the brim with his photo's, and people. Professional looking expensively dressed people who are all gazing at Jose's photographs with pure appreciation and wonder. And why shouldn't they be impressed? Jose is insanely talented. Photos of Seattle fill one side of the room, every single one is more amazing than the other and they literally take my breath away with their beauty. Seattle is a beautiful city full stop but through Jose's camera lens it has become precious in its beauty, as if it's unworldly and somehow a brand new world.

"Oh Jose, they are beautiful. Completely and utterly breathtaking" I literally cannot take my eyes off the various prints that fill this enormous space.

"I could say the same for you Ana" I glance over to him and his eyes burn into mine , his breath catches and I have to pull myself away from him "Ana please don't say no anymore. Please" no, not now. Not when I need him in my life more than ever before, I need my friend but he wants more and I cannot give it to him.

"Jose we spoke about this! I've said no" I keep my voice low but make sure I exaggerate my exasperation. I am sick and tired of having this conversation with him. He knows I'm married for god sake!

"You'll come around Ana, one day. But how long I can wait is another matter entirely" What? I'll never come round to him, never! What the hell is going through his head?

"Jose I..." He cuts me off with a raised hand and I clamp my mouth shut. Never has he silenced me like that before.

"I mean it Ana, you will come around and when you do I promise I'll never ever hurt you. Unlike that husband of yours that is. Where is he tonight by the way? Heard from him at all?" I shake my head and he smirks "he's moved on Ana , maybe you should do the same" and before I can protest he leans forward to kiss my cheek and moves away from me , leaving me in the middle of the hall alone.

What the hell is he talking about! How does he know Christian's moved on? How can Christian move on? We're still married! Has he got with Esmee? Does Jose know more than I do? But what about Christian's email? He said he wanted me home! Oh how I wish I could talk to him.

"Ana?" you have got to be kidding me! Wait maybe I have a new power, wish for something and it happens, either that or I am the unluckiest woman alive right now. Spinning round I stare into his grey eyes and against my will all I want to do is run to him and never ever let go. I don't and instead I cross my arms and stare back.

"Seriously Christian your stalker tendencies are getting ridiculous now! Can you not take the hint that I don't want to talk to you!" I shout as loud as I can without causing a scene but his eyes still search the hall to ensure no one is staring. No point as everyone is transfixed by the beautiful photo's surrounding us. His eyes meet mine suddenly and I'm taken aback by the anger in them, what the hell's pissed him off so much?

"What the hell are you talking about you fucking invited me" WHAT! This has got to be some sort of joke!

"I did nothing of the sort!" Hmm that came out a bit too posh and loud. Shaking out my shoulders I walk past him and ordering him to follow with my hand, thankfully he follows without an argument. We walk towards the entrance and slip into an enclosed area just behind the entrance pillars that hold up the concrete ceiling. I check to make sure no one can see us before turning my dagger eyes on my husband.

"What on earth makes you think I'd want to spend an entire evening with you, especially after I've just found out that you've supposedly already moved on from our marriage? You really are sick sometimes Christian Grey" his grey eyes are sparkling with anger and he reaches into his tux pocket and produces a soft grey piece of paper , it's the invite Jose's team created for tonight's event!

"This was stuck to the gates of our house Anastasia. It's addressed to me from you!" I grab the paper and my name stares back at me, alongside his name and the information for tonight's exhibition. Shit he's telling the truth! Who the hell sent this to him, as well as pretending to be me!

"Christian I swear to you I didn't send this to you. I've been at Jose's all day" I ignore his hiss of breath at Jose's name and carry on "this invite is a fake"

"Well then if you didn't invite me. Who did?"


	9. Show time

**Hellooo everyone **

**Wow what a response the last chapter got, lots of anger towards little miss Ana hehe**

**Which I have to admit I wanted so even though it got you guys a bit peeved I want you to be a little annoyed with Ana , mainly because throughout the books I was constantly getting peeved off with her and her decisions so I wanted to bring that into my story as well. **

**I've also had a lot of comments about who people want to see play the villain and would like to announce that the final villain and their motives will be revealed very very soon. Thank you so much to everyone who has voted and I hope you agree with my choice. **

**Anyway on with the chapter, expect a big twist at the end hehe**

**Alexandra xxxx**

* * *

Somewhere someone has turned on the music system and everyone is swaying slightly as they walk around the blown up shots of Seattle as Owl City plays in the background causing a laid back slightly clubish atmosphere, it fits Jose's work perfectly. But I can't appreciate the music because my eyes are locked on the fake invite in my left hand , my brain frantically trying to work out how Christian could have got this , because I know one hundred per cent that it wasn't through me.

"Ana say something" his voice is his usual commanding tone but there's a hesitation hidden beneath his calm exterior and I just know he's frantically trying to work this out as well.

"I need to use the bathroom" he seems taken aback before recovering and nodding quickly. I check that Jose is out of sight , now is not the time for him and Christian to have a testosterone filled battle , spotting him at the back talking to a leggy blonde , who looks weirdly familiar but I can't place her , I dart out from our little hiding spot and make my way to the bathrooms upstairs , Christian is hot on my heels and I spin around at the top of the stairs and face him "I don't need your help peeing Christian" he just groans and ignores me as he walks towards the ladies door "you are not coming in with me!"

"I'm going to wait here for you Anastasia, now hurry up and pee we have to talk to Taylor about all this" What why? And since when have we been a 'we' in this , it was only this afternoon I was telling him to leave me alone and now he's waiting outside the bathroom for me. Uhh this man is going to age me with the stress he causes.

"Fine, but only because I want to know who's pretending to be me, no other reason Mr Grey" I shoot him a pointed look before darting into the bathroom, just catching his smirk as he leans against the wall.

Once I'm inside the safety of the bathroom I finally let myself breathe deeply, feeling a mix of emotions rush over me as I lean against the sink. Who sent him that invite? Was it Jose? No he'd have told me, and anyway Jose can't stand Christian so for him to invite him to the biggest show of his career is a little farfetched. What I can't work out is why someone would want Christian to attend, yes he brings a lot of press with him but still they could have just invited him through his company, why go to the trouble of pretending to be me? Not just that but it must have been sent by someone who knows Christian and I are apart at the moment, and thankfully that is a very small list. A hard knock on the bathroom door startles me and I yelp a little, God you'd think I'd seen a ghost.

"Anastasia are you okay in there? You've been a while" there's no hiding his concern in his voice and weirdly it makes me smile that he's worrying about me. Maybe I have been too harsh, God knows he wants me back but when will I be ready? Only time will tell I guess.

"I'm fine. I'll be out in a moment" I take a deep breath and stare at my reflection , how strange that I've experienced so much since I met Christian yet my appearance shows none of my scars. They are all below the skin, messing up my emotions and reactions. No amount of make up or however beautiful the dress I will always be tainted by the events I've experienced. And it's all down to the beautiful man stood outside this very bathroom. A man who after all the shit I've put him through this past week still wants to be with me. Still loves me.

Suddenly my eyes are full of tears and I hold my head in my hands as my body wracks with sorrow. I've messed up so much by being a ridiculous drama queen! I just want to slap myself for the way I've acted. Yes he deserves my anger but not my attitude; this is after not his fault. Esmee came out of nowhere for god sake, he knew nothing about Tori, and yet I abandon him when he needs me the most!

But he needs to sort this stuff out and I just can't be there to watch it. I'm too weak, I try to be strong but it's hopeless. I will always be hopeless when it comes to Christian because I'm hopelessly in love with him. There's another hard knock at the door but I ignore it, instead focuses on trying to breathe through my tears. So much has happened that I'm not thinking rationally, if I was a bystander watching another person I would be so angry with them for being such a pathetic person. I have acted atrociously to Jose all in an attempt to piss Christian off! I've sent him signals that have given him hope only to reject him when he's poured his heart out to be numerous of times.

"Ana, are you sure you're ok?" hearing his concerned voice hits me like a ton of bricks and instantly more tears rush to my eyes. I don't deserve his concern. I don't deserve anything right now.

"Ana answer me!" I can't find my voice; tears are filling my eyes and falling down my cheeks in huge waterfalls. Suddenly the bathroom door opens and Christian bursts in , his eyes searching the room before they lock on me and his jaw falls to the floor "Jesus Ana!" he's by my side in seconds , holding me against his chest as his arm wraps around my waist , letting me cry into his shoulder, my tears staining his expensive tux.

"Christian what's happening to us?" he looks down and his beautiful grey eyes meet mine and he shakes his head softly.

"We just lost each other baby, but I meant what I said in my email Ana, I will never ever stop fighting to keep you with me" I break my eyes from his and stare at the floor. Gently he takes my chin in his hand and tilts it up to stare at him once again "what are you thinking?" I bite my lip and he takes a sharp intake of breath but I ignore it.

"I'm still mad at you. I don't know if I can completely forgive you just yet." His grip on me loosens and he steps back a little, searching my face as if he can't believe what I've just said.

"Ana what do you want me to do? Please tell me and I'll do it" I shake my head and he sighs exasperatedly.

"You're like a Yoyo! One minute you're telling me you love me and that you'll never leave and then you're leaving me standing alone in a hospital car park! Then I have to endure 8 days without you , feeling my heart break more and more as every second passes and I'm alone ,not to mention your inability to talk to me. Which frankly I think is just rude Anastasia. And then I get that invite and I'm overtaken by my joy thinking you've finally decided you want to work this out only to find out it's some sick persons joke! And now you cry in my arms and act all helpless and the victim when in reality Anastasia you are being spiteful and it frankly doesn't suit you. And don't say you haven't because I know why you're really staying with your slimy little friend downstairs. That's low Ana, bringing his hopes up only to crush them. And don't think I don't know you did it to piss me off. So well done Ana you did piss me off, hope you feel better now" I try to make my voice work but it's useless , his eyes are so cold and it kills me that his rage is directed at me , but what hurts the most is the fact that he's right. I have hurt people, especially him and Jose.

"Take my advice Ana. Move out of Jose's and get your own place if you can't face coming home. But don't pretend you're doing this for anyone but yourself. I love you Anastasia but right now you're not the women who fell into my office and stole my heart, she would never have done that to her friend and you know it" all I can do is nod and another sob hits me full on and I look up to see Christian physically battling with himself to not come and help me, I know how much it hurts him to see me so upset. He helps me to my feet and gently leads me out the bathroom, ignoring the weird glances we get from two women in charcoal black suits heading in the opposite direction, and down the stairs back to the main floor. We stand in the middle of the dance floor and suddenly his lips are on mine, his hand on my cheek as his fingers brush against the tear stains from my eyes. His kiss is needy and passionate as well as tainted with deep sorrow at our current situation. This is how he communicates, and right now he's hurting. We break apart, his hand still resting against my cheek.

"Think about what I said Anastasia and remember your home will always be with me and if I have to wait for that clumsy girl with the smart mouth to return then I will learn to be a patient man. Because she's worth the wait" my heart is in my mouth as he leans down to kiss me again before turning on his heal and leaving me standing in the middle of the dance floor.

"Oh good there you are. Home time I think? Think you'll let me share your bed tonight Miss Steel" I'm pulled from my silence as I feel Jose's arm wrap around my waist and pull me tightly against him, his left hand resting over my bump. Something I don't let anyone except Christian do, blip is after all his child.

"Jose stop" I pull away quickly and turn to face him, stopping him from coming any closer with a raised hand "you know I'm married"

"Yes Ana I do but I'm kinda hoping you'll leave that arsehole once and for all and be with me. It's only a matter of time before I win you over; I'm the one you are supposed to be with. Not him" he steps forward again and reaches for my hand. I step back once more and he narrows his eyes at me, it's the same look he gave me that night at the bar when Christian had to intervene.

"Jose please we're friends. Just friends" he shakes his head and steps towards me again, the room is less busy now and the few people remaining are so drunk they can barely stand let alone notice the scene occurring right in front of them. Suddenly I'm scared.

"Stop fighting what's meant to be Ana! You are meant to be with me! What has Christian ever given you but heartache and pain! I'd never hurt you and yet you hurt me constantly by rejecting me what is rightly mine!" Its then that I smell the alcohol on him, just like the bar, he's wasted and angry. A seriously dangerous combination, how I wish Christian had stayed with me. He'd protect me.

"Jose please just stop. I'm sorry, I should never have come to stay with you, I realise that now. If I ever gave you the wrong idea then I am truly sorry. Please stop this" his eyes are alive and he leaps forward and grasps my arm, pulling me hard against him and I trip into his arms. I try to pull back but his hold on me is too tight and I'm trapped by his strong arms.

"You are not thinking of leaving are you Ana? Because it was really kind of me to let you into my apartment like that, you're not going to be rude and throw it all back in my face now are you? I thought Ray and Carla taught you better. Maybe that's what Christian fucking Grey has made you! A selfish, money grabbing little whore! Well I can make you better Ana, you just have to let me" his breath is a mix of strong alcohol and cigarettes and I wonder when he started smoking, something we both hate, or at least he use too hate. The smell makes me gag and I have to take deep breaths through my mouth to stop him seeing.

"Jose please I'm begging you. Please let go of me , you're hurting me" he doesn't and instead he tightens his hold so my bump crushes against him , its sore and I yelp out a little "Jose please , please don't do this, It's not like you" wrong thing to say as his eyes change dramatically as he smirks wickedly.

"Your right Ana it's not me, it's who you've made me" I gasp and shake my head, does he really think I did this to him. Have I? I didn't mean too. _Just because you didn't mean to doesn't stop you doing something _my subconscious mutters silently as she watches silently petrified by Jose.

"Jose please I'm truly sorry, I never meant to hurt you or lead you on or anything like that. Please let go of me" he shakes his head and I fear that he's going to try and kiss me but suddenly a voice stops him.

"Yes let go of her Jose" he rolls his eyes and let's go of me suddenly, catching me by surprise so I slam to the floor after losing my balance. I look up and gasp, my head hurts and my eyes are bloodshot from the tears but I can still see her clearly.

Elena Lincon. Elena Lincon has come to my rescue. But why?


	10. Elena the Hero

**Hellloo readers x**

**I just want to apologise for the delay of this chapter, I was hoping to have it up by Tuesday night but University stuff got in the way. Thankfully I'm all settled at my Uni now which means lots more writing hehe**

**Your reviews just get better and better and I love reading them. They really help me write so please do keep them coming. **

**As I said before the true villain (or villains hehe) will all be revealed very soon, although I'm sure most of you have worked out the culprits already hehe**

**Thank you to everyone who voted and gave ideas. **

**Now on with the chapter!**

**Alexandra xxx**

* * *

**Christian's POV**

Speeding down the interstate calms my mind and it instantly relaxes me, giving me a needed escape from the mess that has become my life and marriage. How could Ana do this to me, I'm so angry at her and yet all I want to do is turn this god damm car around and go to her. Something deep inside me is screaming to turn back, that somehow she might have changed her mind and now wants to be back with me. There is nothing I want more in this whole world then to have my Anastasia back in my arms where she belongs.

I'm her husband, it's my job in life to protect her, be there for her, hold her when she cries and laugh with her when she laughs. But she's walked away, left me alone, and then to add salt to my already stinging wound she goes and stays with a man I physically despise. The women I held in the bathroom early this evening was not my Ana. My Ana wouldn't do that to me, hurt me that much.

Of course I understand the mistakes I've made but then everyone makes mistakes. She's made numerous mistakes for God sake! Mistakes that have caused her to nearly lose her life! I still get angry when I think of her stupidity with Leila. I told her to stay away and she does the complete opposite! How can she have the audacity to get this mad with me over a dream when she is constantly raising my stress level with her constant disobedience!

I slam on the breaks as a black BMW cuts me up dangerously, cutting across and into my lane and dropping their speed once they are in front.

"Fucking Basterd!" I run a hand through my hair and quickly call Taylor from the cars phone system. He picks up after the first ring.

"Mr Grey?" Taylor's sharp voice fills the car.

"Taylor I need you to track this number plate" I'm an in the moment kinda guy and right now I'm in the moment to show this driver just how bad my road rage can be. Don't mess with Christian Grey when he's stressed. I call out the plate numbers sharply, narrowing my eyes as the BMW swerves dangerously into the right lane before cutting me up again. This driver is just looking to have an accident.

"Got the car tracked sir, will there be anything else?" I glance in my rear-view mirror and cut into the right hand lane and speed up to take over the BMW, trying to see the driver. Damm it! Bloody tinted windows. I can see it's a woman and there seems to be a child in the back.

How fucking stupid does this women want to be. Driving like an absolute idiot with a child in the back! I'd never ever let Ana drive with our child in the back, let alone drive at the speed this idiot is doing. Some people don't deserve children the way they act.

"Mr Grey?" I shake my head and speed up a bit more before turning my attention back to Taylor.

"Get me all the information on the person who owns that car" I hang up quickly and call Ana's mobile unconsciously , for some reason seeing that women with her child has made me miss my wife massively.

The phone rings and rings but she doesn't answer and my heart sinks dramatically, she never picks up anymore. I'm just about to end the call when I hear her voice, its weak and she sounds like she's been crying.

"Christian" once again my heart sinks and I have to tighten my hold on the steering wheel to stop myself reaching for the phone , like it will somehow make me be closer to her.

"Ana baby what's wrong, where are you?" I check the road signs and look for the easiest way to turn back towards the show, there is none. Fuck it, illegal move it is. I dart over the middle lane straight to the left hand lane and take the nearest exit, slamming on my break as I hit a set of lights. Ana's crying on the line and my heartbeat accelerates. I need to get to her, I need to help her. Nothing else matters.

"Ana tell me what's wrong!" I can hear her trying to talk through her sobs but they are so intense they are literally choking her, stopping her from talking clearly. The sound is like a dagger to my heart and I have to stop myself screaming at her to talk to me. If she could just tell me what was wrong I'd find a way to help, I'd do anything to help.

"Jose... he ... he tried too...tried" once again she chokes on her sobs and rage fills my body. I will kill him.

"I'm on my way. Where are you Ana, tell me where you are" it takes every single ounce of my self control not to yell at her. If she had just stayed at home this would never have happened! That fucking basterd wouldn't have gotten the wrong idea and he would have kept his filthy hands off what is mine!

There's a big bang in the background, it sounds like someone closing a door. Suddenly someone else is talking, the voice sounds familiar but I haven't got time to think about it as once again that BMW is cutting me up. What the hell is wrong with this driver! Did they follow me! I have to slam on my breaks once more and I hear my engine screech in anger at me, time for a new car maybe.

"Christian, Ana is fine, she's with me and she's safe" I pull my attention from the road and stare at the phone in its holder.

"ELENA! What the fuck is Ana doing with you?" I scream at the phone as loud as I can. Ana hates Elena, despises her with a passion I've never seen from someone so kind and loving. She would never go with Elena voluntarily which just makes my heart drop and my anger spike.

"I was at the show when Ana's friend got to friendly. I helped her Christian" words fail me as I reach the residential streets; I'm almost at the show venue. I glance in the rear-view mirror and notice that my shadowing BMW has disappeared; I make a note to get Taylor to hurry up the info on the driver.

"Don't make me laugh Elena. You hate Ana you'd never help her. Now you better tell me where you are and I swear if she's hurt you will be the one I hold personally responsible" turning into the venue's road I park up and wait for Elena's response.

"We're at my apartment; I'm guessing you remember where I live Christian. After it wasn't long ago you came to visit" I can practically hear her flirty smile and it makes me sick. Especially because I know Ana is probably still in the same room and can hear all of Elena's lies. It's been months since I last spoke or saw Elena and I've never been happier, she's poisonous and I'm so glad she's out of my life.

"I'll be there in 5 minutes. I mean it Elena if Ana is hurt you better leave this country because I will make your life a living hell if you don't" she laughs mischievously and I can vaguely hear her talking to someone , I'm guessing its Ana but I can't hear her or the person. She comes back on the line and her smile is clear through her voice.

"Don't worry Christian my life is a living hell at the moment but I have a feeling things will soon become better. See you soon" she kisses her lips before hanging up on me.

"Uh that women!" running a hand through my hair once more I glance at the picture key ring I have of my beautiful wife "I'm on my way baby , stay strong for me"

* * *

**Ana's POV**

Her blonde hair is pulled up into a perfect bun and her red square necked figure hugging dress highlights her perfect figure. Seeing her looking so beautiful while I look bloated and flustered in my pregnancy just makes me hate her even more. Couldn't my rescuer been some tramp off the street and not this walking talking super model.

She holds out her hand but I refuse it and instead heave myself off the floor, admittedly rather unladylike but who cares. Standing straight I look Jose in the eyes and I can see how pissed he is that Elena stopped him; suddenly I'm very thankful for Elena getting involved. I send her a small smile and she smiles back warmly, it's a very un Elena smile and it worries me instantly. What's her game?

"Anastasia is this young man bothering you?" I narrow my eyes at her and send her a confused look. What does she think he was doing apart from bothering me!

"Yes he was" I dart my eyes at Jose and he actually has the decency to look slightly ashamed , although I think that's mainly because he's intimated by Elena , women of her beauty have power over men , just look at her and Christian's relationship.

No Ana! Don't think about that, she's just saved you from Jose's completely inappropriate behaviour. You need to be nice and you can't do that if you're thinking about her dominating Christian. I watch amazed as Elena turns on Jose and raising a perfectly sculpted eyebrow at him.

"I think it's time you left. We wouldn't want all your buyers knowing about your abusive behaviour against a heavely pregnant woman now would you? God knows what would happen to your career?" Jose gulps and stares around at his precious photo's, all of which have been sold and are waiting to be delivered to their new homes. Jose has made a lot of money and gained a respectable amount of fame from tonight's show and Elena is threatening to destroy it all, God she's powerful. I can see why Christian use to admire her so, that was until he became twice as powerful in his own right.

"I'll go but only if I know Ana will be ok" I snort and both Elena and Jose look at me.

"I'm sorry but if you cared about me at all you wouldn't have touched me like you did Jose" his eyes widen and he looks at the floor. Good be ashamed, he deserves to feel bad. Our friendship is really on the rocks now and it's no longer my fault, but his.

"I think that says it all don't you think Mr Rodriguez? Now I really do think you should leave" he nods and looks over at me once more. I just shake my head and look away; I can't bring myself to look at him after what he did.

I'm just about to breathe a sigh of relief when I feel hand on my waist pulling me back and a something sharp being pressed against my back. Fuck a knife! Jose has a knife! Where the hell did he get that from?

I meet Elena's eyes but they aren't watching me and instead she's looking at something to the side of my head, why isn't she shouting at him to let go of me! I turn my head and gasp as I see the gun in Jose's hand; it's pointed at Elena's head.

"Fuck Jose what the hell do you think you're doing!" I shout as loud as I can and he jumps slightly, the knife digging into my back painfully.

"Shut up Ana, I'm doing this for your own fucking good! You are meant to be with me and if you can't get that into your thick skull then I will just have to show you!" show me! No this won't happen; I refuse to let this happen.

"Calm down now Mr Rodriguez. Ana is pregnant she can't handle too much stress. Let her go and we can talk this through like rational adults" finally Elena speaks, her eyes trained on the gun in Jose's hand.

"Shut the fuck up you! I don't even know you and you think you can tell me what to do! Who the fuck are you anyway?" Elena smiles softly at me and I send a silent sorry to her for being such a bitch , she's here for me now and right now she's all I've got.

"I'm a friend of Ana's. Just like you Mr Rodriguez. And just like you I don't want to see Ana get hurt. Now please let her go so we can sort this out" Jose tightens his hold on the knife and his lips are against my neck, kissing the skin and I have to stop myself gagging. He whispers softly.

"Is that true Ana? Is this woman your friend?" I nod, unable to speak as his lips are once again against my neck causing my whole body to tense, desperate to get him away from me.

"See, she trusts me and you can trust me as well. Now let go of her Jose" Jose hesitates, his eyes going between me and Elena.

"Please Jose" I let out a strangled sob and I can feel him remove the knife from my back, letting go of me. Without thinking I lunge for Elena and she catches me, holding me close, almost like a mother holding their crying child.

"Shh hush now Anastasia. Your safe" her hand is gently stroking my hair as I sob into her shoulder.

Never in a million years would I expect myself to let Elena hold me while I cry but then I never expected Jose to pull a knife on me. Suddenly anger takes over and I stand up straight and turn back to my ex best friend. His eyes become bright as I walk over and he opens his arms, expecting me to go into them.

"Ana baby?" keeping my eyes locked on his I raise my hand, watching as his expression changes to one of fear.

"I am not your baby Jose" and with that I let all my anger and fear fuel my aggression and let my hand slam against his cheek, the sound of palm against cheek resonating around the vast empty space. He yelps out and holds his face, giving me the prime opportunity to kick him right where all men feel the most pain. I aim my foot perfectly and he screams out, dropping to the floor with an agonising cry.

"Wow Ana. I'm impressed, who'd have thought someone as tiny as you could be so ... vicious. I'm starting to think I underestimated you" Elena is beside me and staring down at Jose as he withers in pain. Throwing my head back I glance at Elena.

"Yea well living with Christian Grey changes a girl. Let's just say I don't put up with people fucking up my life anymore, it's happened one too many times for my liking" she glances at Jose and then back at me.

"I can see that. Now let's get you home" I shake my head and she cocks her head at me, looking slightly confused.

"I can't go home just yet. Are there any hotels close by?" Elena purses her lips in thought before shaking her head softly.

"There are but they are more than likely fully booked , we can try but I wouldn't hold your breath on getting a room" sighing exasperatedly I hesitantly think about who I could ring to possible let me stay for a bit , I guess there's always Ray.

"Look why don't we go back to my apartment, it's just around the corner, and from there you can ring around and see what's available?" I glance up and try to read her expression , it seems like a totally innocent helpful idea but coming from Elena it just strikes me as a part of some wicked plan. But then she just stayed by my side even when my psycho friend had a gun to her head. Surely I can trust her now.

"Okay, thank you by the way Elena. You didn't have to stay and I am extremely grateful that you did" she smiles a warm, mother like smile, and places her hand on my shoulder.

"You're more than welcome Ana dear. Now come on let's get you sat down with a cup of tea. You've had quite the day" I nod vigorously and let her lead me out , glancing behind me as Jose watches us walk away still on the floor holding his ... sore area.

I turn my head away before sliding into the passenger seat of Elena's pearl blue Audi TT RS Coupe, a beautifully feminine car which surprises me. Although I pictured her driving the cage thing like the Child Catcher from Chitty Chitty bang bang. I smile at the thought of her dressed up in the big black coat and fake nose, it's a rather amusing image.

The drive to Elena's apartment is less than 5 minutes long and soon we're turning into an underground parking lot, a lot like the one at Escala. Elena parks the car perfectly, something I'm still appalling at, and steps out. I get out as well and follow her towards an elevator, waiting patiently as she presses the call button and swings round to lock her car.

Strangely I feel fine , not uncomfortable or angry or even upset , which is strange considering my supposedly best friend just held a knife to my back and I'm now going up to have tea with a women I see as a child molester.

Could today get any weirder? Oh yes I almost forgot someone is pretending to be me and sending Christian invites to events! I involuntarily sigh deeply and feel Elena's hand on my shoulder, she smiles gently before we step into the elevator and she presses the 8th floor button, ahh not the penthouse like Christian and I then.

"Ana when we get to the apartment I want you to sit down straight away ok?" I roll my eyes discreetly. I already have a controlling husband; I don't need her telling me what to do as well. Then I remember that my husband learnt to be controlling from the woman now leading me into a long hallway towards their flat.

"Ana did you hear me ok? You could go into shock any second and I'd rather you were sat down when that happens" Elena's eyes are locked on mine and I nod. She smiles once more and opens her apartment door and steps in, standing back so I can follow.

The apartment is stunning. Sleek and modern just like Escala. _Maybe that's where Christian got his interior design ideas from , now when you go back all you'll think of is Elena _smirks my subconscious , God knows where she's been hiding but she's back and she's not happy I'm spending so much time in Elena's company, I bat her away and instead carry on admiring the apartment.

Living at Escala and now the big beautiful mansion it's easy for a girl to stop appreciating beautiful decorating but not me. Instead I've come to love homely decorating, mismatched furniture and home made ornaments. Elena's apartment is far from homely which its clear cut lines and glass tables and chairs, positioned in the middle of the vast room. But grand and luxurious are definitely words that come to mind as I walk around.

"Ana sit down. Like I said the shock of everything could hit at any minute and ..." I zone her out and instead gaze out at the Seattle streets below. Suddenly the fear I felt back at the warehouse engulfs me causing me to start sobbing uncontrollably.

Flashbacks of Jose lips of my neck, his hands on my body, the smell of cigarettes and smoke suffocate my nostrils and I start gagging desperate to get the feeling away from me.

I can faintly hear Elena giving an exasperated sigh as she takes me by the shoulders and practically pulls me towards a jet black leather sofa , pushing me down and kneeling in front of me , her eyes searching mine but getting nothing back as I continue to sob , my shoulders shaking violently.

"See what I mean. You're in shock Ana but you're alright. Can you hear what I'm saying" I don't respond "Ana I need you to nod if you can hear me" I nod and she sighs relieved "good at least you're still with me. Right now you need to take some deep breaths and I'll go get you some water" elegantly she stands and moves away , stopping abruptly and turning back towards me "deep breaths Ana , they will help I promise" and then she's gone , closing the kitchen door behind her.

Breathe Ana, deep breaths. I do as I'm told but it doesn't work. My tears don't stop and my shoulders are still shaking violently. I can't stop myself thinking about the knife in my back, why did he have a knife? Would he have used it? Jose is my friend, one of my closest friends! How could he threaten me with a knife!

Another sob hits me and I give into myself pity. I miss Christian! I want my Christian!

Almost on cue King of pain sings through the room. I jump off the sofa and run towards my bag, wait I don't know where my bag is! Fuck, where did I put that stupid thing? The song has nearly finished meaning I have seconds before he gives up. No! Wait longer Christian and I promise I will answer this time! I just need to find my god damm phone!

"A HA!" I spot my bag by the door and lunge for it, grabbing my phone just before it stops and put it to my ear. The immense relief I feel washes over me and I let myself slip to the floor, cradling the phone to my ear.

"Christian" A sob catches in my throat as I talk and I know I've now got his undivided attention.

"Ana tell me what's wrong!" he shouts down the phone and his concern is so pure that it wracks my heart. My shock sobs have returned in force and my body starts shaking once again, goose bumps prickle my skin as Jose's attack filters back into my head. No I don't want to remember.

"Jose... he ... he tried too...tried" speaking the words makes it too real and once again my sobs are suffocating me , stopping me from communicating to the panicked man on the other end of the line.

"I'm on my way. Where are you Ana, tell me where you are" I try to speak but I can't. Trying to stand I feel a wave of exhaustion and have to close my eyes as the room starts to spin around me.

Suddenly I feel faint and topple forward, only to be caught by Elena's thin arms. I faintly here the door slam behind me as she takes the phone from my hand and places me back on the sofa , resting my head down on a soft pillow. I fall asleep instantly, just as Elena begins talking to Christian,

I send him a message; he's always been able to read my mind so maybe he'll hear this. I'm sorry, come save me. I close my eyes just as the apartment door opens and someone enters, and by the sound of the heels on the hard wood flooring it's not my husband.


	11. From bad to worse

**Hi my lovely readers x**

**A huge sorry for the length of time it's taken me to update but it's been moving week and so my time has been taken up with heaving boxes in and out of my new flat and then unpacking. Not to mention the move in party last night – most of which I don't really remember but I think I had fun hehe**

**Anyway I have a week until Uni officially starts and am planning on updating every night so hopefully that will make up for my terrible behaviour recently , pretty please with cherries on top forgive me hehe**

**Quick point with this chapter and the story in general , I've had to change a few things regarding one of the characters backgrounds (I'm sure you'll work out which character it is) just so that the story works. **

**Anyway hopes there is enough drama for you all and look forward to reading your reviews. They really do help motivate me so please keep them coming.**

**Thanks again to every single one of you for reading , following and favouriting. **

**Alexandra xxxxx**

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**Christian's POV**

The roads are empty so I reach Elena's apartment in seconds. I slam the car door just as Taylor arrives in the SUV; I'd called him straight after finishing the call with Elena. The speed he must have driven at to be here so quick just shows me how concerned he must be for Ana's safety , he sees Ana as a daughter and to know she may be in trouble probably sickens him.

I don't have time to discuss anything with him; I have to get to Ana. Taylor shoots me a look of understanding and makes his way to the grand glass doors of Elena's apartment building, beckons the smartly dressed doorman over and starts chatting to him. Taking the poor man by surprise as he knocks him unconscious by pressing his thumb against a pressure point located at the back of the man's neck. Shaking his shoulders as he takes the man's master key card and throws it to me, ignoring my impressed expression. Sometimes Taylor's intelligence is frightening, even to me, and I pay him for God sake.

"Let me get the door for you sir , we have a young maiden to rescue" I shoot him a smile before sprinting through the door and up the eight flights of stairs to Elena's door , leaning in for any clue as to what's happening inside.

Images of my beautiful wife hurt, or worse, fill my mind and suddenly I feel the pasta primavera Mrs Jones made for dinner come back up my throat. I shudder and take a few deep breaths, my panicking is getting the better of me and I need a clear head when I beat the shit out of Elena for hurting my Ana. Not that I know she's definitely hurt her but I'm guessing she has, and in my mind that's enough of a reason.

"Sir?" Taylor's voice brings me back and I notice the key card in his hand, poised over the apartment lock pad.

"Open it!" my voice comes out much harsher than I want but Taylor ignores it. Holding the key card over the lock and moving back as the door goes green and opens. I waste no time in barging in, startling a very comfortable looking Elena. She stands once she's composed herself and wanders over to meet me, a strangely calm smile on her lips.

"Christian how nice to see you. You know I do have an intercom, you could have just rang the bell" her calmness unnerves me and I step away and search the room.

No sign of Ana, just the same cold lifeless furniture that I have in Escala. I really should redecorate, letting Elena pick my decorator was a huge mistake. Anything to do with Elena being in my life was a mistake looking back on it. I should have stayed away, why didn't I stay away?

"Where is she!" all my emotions fuel my anger as I shout, thank god for my height as I tower over Elena. I want to intimidate her like she use to intimidate me. I'm powerful here now Miss Lincon.

"Where's who Christian?" rage fills my blood and I grab her shoulder, shaking her violently. Out of the corner of my eye I see Taylor searching the various rooms; his eyes are dark and sad as he doesn't find her. He turns and shakes his head and my heart plummets. Letting more anger take its place, anger I fully intend to vent on the scared women in my arms.

"You know exactly who I'm talking about Elena! Now tell me the fuck where she is or so help me god you will not see tomorrow!" her eyes widen in pure fear, she's seen me angry of course but this is anger on a whole new scale. I am literally burning on the inside with pure unadulterated hatred.

"She's in bed" her voice is a whimper and she closes her eyes, bracing herself for more of my anger.

"If you've laid one finger on her..." her eyes spring open and I'm met with intense brown eyes.

"Who the hell do you think I am Christian? She's pregnant! I'd never hurt a pregnant woman. I do have a heart you know" I sneer at her and let go of her shoulders.

"No you don't! Now tell me where my wife is! Tell me now!" my voice is full of rage now and I can see Elena visibly wince at the volume of my shouting.

"She's asleep!" she shouts back and Taylor rushes to the bedroom door and check it.

"The bedroom is locked Sir" I narrow my eyes at Elena and she steps back hesitantly, reaching for something. Taylor notices as well and reaches for his gun; I stop him when I see her pull out a silver key.

"I have guests and I didn't want Ana to be disturbed. Calm yourself down for goodness sake; you're like a cat on a hot tin roof. She's fine, a little shaken up but that's to be expected. Poor girl didn't see it coming after all" I know she's talking about Jose, a man I am seriously considering removing from this world if he so dare touch what's mine ever again.

"Just open the door Elena!" I shout once more and she winces at my tone before going to the bedroom door and opening it. Moving out the way as I rush past her. Stopping at the sight I see as I enter.

Ana's eyes are closed tight as she snuggles into one of the big pillows, her small arms cuddling it to her chest. She looks so beautiful that she takes my breath away. Her small face is calm in her slumber, her shoulders relaxed, it's so different to the high emotion filled woman I held in the bathroom not two hours ago. In sleep she's returned to the Ana I fell in love with, she's that clumsy girl who needed someone to look after her but yet had the smartest mouth I'd ever seen. She's pure perfection.

"See, she's perfectly safe here Christian. You need to start trusting me when I say I care about you and want you happy, and its obvious Ana makes you happy so why would I hurt her? I've realised you and me will never happen again , I've done wrong in the past I know and I don't expect your forgiveness straight away but I hope in time you'll let me be your friend once more" I shudder at the thought and shake my head quickly.

"No" I move over to Ana and go to take her hand, wanting to see her beautiful eyes and feel her back in my arms, but my hand is seized.

"Don't wake her, she needs her rest. She's had quite the scare and might still be in shock" however much I hate to agree with this vile woman she does have a point.

First things first I need to know the full story about Jose and knowing Ana she'll probably continue to defend him , sometimes she's far to kind hearted. I pull my hand away and shake my agreement, following Elena back out of the bedroom and over to her white and grey marble kitchen.

"Right now talk and don't hold back. I need to know exactly what happened" she raises an eyebrow at me before shaking her head softly.

"I thought you were brought up with more manners" she shrikes as I grab her wrist and spin her round.

"Don't you dare talk about my upbringing? You fucked up my upbringing by seducing me then abusing me! Now tell me what happened so I can get my wife away from this fucking mess and never talk to you ever again" the hurt in her eyes evident and she looks down momentarily.

"You don't have to be so cruel Christian. All I want is you happy, I hate seeing you get hurt" I let go of her wrist, ignoring her wince as she rubs it gently.

"I'll be happy when you start talking. Tell me what happened!" she takes a deep breath and looks up at me. My heartbeat is so intense I'm worried she'll be able to hear it.

"He had a knife" he's dead! Jose fucking Rodriguez will die! I turn quickly and motion for Taylor to follow, heading for the door. I'll find Jose! I'll find him and make him pay! No one pulls a knife out on my wife and gets away with it; he's a dead man walking!

"Christian stop!" I ignore Elena's plea, I'm nearly at the door. Suddenly she's in front of me, her arms stretched to both sides so she's blocking me. I shift my gaze and shake my head, desperately trying to stop myself from hitting her out the way.

"Elena get out of my way" amazingly my voice is calm. Calm but deadly.

"No I won't, I know what you'll do if I let you go. Ana and the baby need you here not behind bars" she needs to get out of my way! The longer I am here the less time I'm spending beating the shit out of a certain Mr Rodriguez.

"I'd get away with it" she narrows her eyes at me, something I hate people doing, it's almost as bad as eye rolling. Oh how I miss Ana's eye rolling though, it's annoying but in such a cute way.

"You're powerful but not that powerful Christian. Now calm the hell down and lets act like a grown up for once hey?" I roll my eyes and let her lead me back towards the sofa's , pushing me down by my shoulders so I sit down.

"He touched what's mine. No one touches what's mine" suddenly I feel tears fill my eyes. What if she'd allowed him to touch her, what if she's fallen for him? I can't lose her, I just can't.

"Christian stop, I know you're thinking she's going to leave you and be with him but she's not. He pulled a knife on her remember. Not really your typical wooing technique" against my will I laugh and accept the large tumbler of scotch she passes me, downing it straight. Passing it back to her, only to get it re-filled instantly.

"What happened between you and her Christian? Last time I saw you both you seemed stronger than ever. A united team against all who went against you, it was sickeningly cute. What changed?" I squirm uncomfortably and shake my head. I don't want to talk about Esmee and Victoria, I'm too ashamed.

"I don't want to talk about it" the scotch warms me from the inside and surprisingly I find myself feeling comfortable, safe even. Like before when I had Elena has my friend, a trusted friend. But I don't trust, no make that can't trust her, too much has happened since then.

"Talk to me Christian, there was a time you told me everything. You trusted me above everyone else, I miss those days" her eyes are full of sadness and I feel my heart pang a little, she did after all help me through a lot over the years. But that doesn't make me forgive her, not by a long shot.

"You have yourself to blame for that Elena" I spot a flash of anger, and I wonder if she's going to argue back, but instead she just nods. Which catches me off guard; it's not like Elena to admit she's wrong.

"Your right, I have acted appallingly towards you and Ana and that was wrong of me. I do see that now Christian. But I just couldn't understand why Ana made you change so much, after all I provided you with perfectly skilled, beautiful women. I still can't understand what it is about her, but you love her" I nod and her smile brightens.

"I do love her, I really love her. She makes me a better man, the man I've always wanted to be but never thought I could be" her hand finds mine and squeezes tightly, and I actually find myself squeezing back.

"So tell me Christian, what happened between you two?" I take a deep breath.

"I've got a daughter" Elena's face falls and her gasp fills the large room.

"WHAT! With which one?" her face is pale with shock and her hand tightens around mine, it's refreshing after Ana's reaction.

"Esmeralda" suddenly she's on her feet, pacing the room. She's more annoyed than me.

"But she was your first? How could you have let that happen? For God sake Christian I told you the precautions to take!" I feel like a six year old being scolded by a teacher, it's actually rather enjoyable. Like how it use to be all those years ago. Suddenly I wonder if she's going to punish me. She always did know the best forms of punishment. I scold myself and instead focus on her questioning.

"I know, I don't understand it either but it's happened and Ana left me because of it" I'm not going to mention the dream, it's not relevant, and it hurts to remember the pain I saw in Ana's eyes after she found out" that same feeling of heartbreak hits me and I look to the floor, closing my eyes as I fight the tears that threaten. I hate crying, it's the ultimate sign of weakness.

"Well have you checked?" I look up and stare at her confused.

"Checked what?" she sighs exasperated and suddenly her palm is hitting my cheek at full force. The sting is small but my anger is hard. I stand ready to hit back but stop when she speaks.

"Checked that she's not lying Christian! Gotten a DNA test for example!" she's so angry she's actually spitting her words out.

"I didn't think about that. I mean Esmee said she had loved me when she left , why she would lie if she had once loved me" once again her palm hits my cheek , this time on the other side.

"You stupid man! You really think that because a woman once loved you they'd never hurt you? My love has made you naive hasn't it" her patronising laugh kicks my pride hard.

"Maybe your right"

"Of course I'm right! No wonder Ana's so upset! You've basically accepted this child without a second glance and yet when she told you about her pregnancy you went and left her!" I notice how she doesn't mention it was her I had run to that night , good because I'm still angry at myself for doing so.

"She knows I'll love our baby when it's born" and I will , more than life itself. I want to be a dad , Ana's made me ready for that amazing journey.

"Yes now! But when you found out you wanted her to get rid of it! How do you think that makes her feel watching you accept another women's child without a seconds glance!" I hadn't thought about the effect this might have had on Ana , I had just assumed she'd stick with me , like a wife should.

"So what should I do?" she sits down and taps the seat opposite , beckoning me to join. I run a hand through my hair and sit down , my emotions are all over the place.

"Get a DNA test before you do anything. Esmee was very young when you two became involved , if I remember rightly she'd only just turned 20 , and you were only with her three months remember. How do you know she's not fallen into some money problems and is now looking for a way to easy financial help. After all it's clear you're a changed man since you've been with Ana , which makes you an easy target"

"Aunt Elena? Where's your hair dryer?" A young women's voice filters from upstairs and Elena is suddenly on her feet , rushing to the foot of the stairs and shouting back up.

"On the side , near the bathrobes" suddenly a loud thud is heard and then a crash of something glass hitting a hard surface.

"Opps I think I just broke your Chanel perfume. Sorry Aunty" Elena's shoulders tense slightly before relaxing , obviously after she'd taken a deep breath.

"Its fine now hush up I've got company down here" there's an authoritive tone to her voice but also a kindness , a kindness that only comes from speaking to a person you love.

"You have a niece? I Didn't even know you had a siblings" I have had numerous background checks done on Elena over the years , mostly because she was a business partner but also because I like to know about the people who surround me. Both friends and enemies.

"Not through blood , she's the result of a two year affair between my husband and his pretty little assistant, not that she ever told him though and ended up marrying someone else and pretended the child was his. Her mum passed away though recently and the family found out about the affair and threw her out. I'm kinda the only family the poor girl has" I nod , mentally noting to add this new information to my file on Elena when I get home.

"I can't find it! And who's your company?" once again Elena is deep breathing , slowly becoming agitated at her niece's neediness.

"Look harder than and he's just a friend , no one you know I'm sure" she turns to me slightly and mouths a sorry , which I answer with an understanding smile. Mia is exactly the same , constantly needy but strangely cute and endearing.

"A he? I'll be right down"

"Stay upstairs young lady"

"I'm 24 years old Aunty you can't keep telling me what to do" the sound of heels on wood flooring is suddenly heard and Elena turns back to me , shrugging her shoulders in defeat.

"Guess you're about to meet my niece" I smile softly , showing its fine for the girl to join us. After all I do have to stay until Ana wakes. Might as well get a little more information on this niece so I can add her to my file.

"So where's this gue..." the young woman stops as she reaches the bottom of the stairs , her dark brown eyes wide with shock and her small mouth wide open.

"Mr Grey?" I can't believe it , no won't believe it! How can this be possible! The one sub that I found myself , without any help from Elena at all and she's her fucking niece!

"Leila?" she nods slowly , her eyes locked on mine. I need to get Ana away , now!

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**How do you all feel about Leila being in the story? Just too let you all know Elena knows nothing about Christian and Leila's relationship or Leila's past behaviour. **


	12. Little Lady Leila?

**Hello everyone, **

**I'm so sorry that I haven't been updating much but please be patient , I've had loads to get sorted for my second year of uni such as paying rent and bills as well as sorting out work and what not. I've tried to write as much as I can but writers block hit at one point and inspiration just didn't come.**

**However with the help of your lovely reviews I battled through and have now completed chapters 13 , 14 and 15 and will update again soon. **

**Once again this is not a cheating storyline but is a drama storyline**

**Hope you enjoy where I take this and let me know what you think through your reviews and comments**

**Alexandra xxxx**

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**Leila's POV**

"You know each other?" I keep my eyes locked on him as he nods to Aunty Elena. He can barley look at me and instantly my heart yearns for him once again.

It's been nearly three months since I last saw him, but he still visits me in my dreams, reaching out and taking me away from all the hurt in my world. He takes me away to his apartment and keeps me safe, keeps me protected from the lies and deceit that fill this horrid world.

But that's dream Christian. The man in front of me right now however is real life Christian and he looks absolutely furious. His bright grey eyes are alive with emotion as his breaths deeply, trying to calm himself. He's not the controlled man I remember but instead he looks scared and hesitant, its strangely unsettling and I find myself stepping away from him, causing him to raise a eyebrow in my direction. Finally Christian answers Aunty Elena's question, sending me a look which tells me to just follow what he says.

"Leila interviewed to work at my company and was perfect for the role but unfortunately I found someone else and I had to let her go" his eyes meet mine and I find myself nodding slowly, sending my aunt a small smile.

I'd forgotten how good he was at charming people, although Aunt Elena looks to be having none of it and suddenly she's staring at me with a look of pure horror. What the hell's up with her I wonder?

"You were his submissive weren't you? Oh Leila you stupid girl!" Christian gasps and narrows his eyes at my aunt but she just ignores me and waits for my reply. I look up at Christian , not knowing how he wants me to act , but he's not looking at me and instead seems highly interested in Aunt Elena's bedroom door , is he tired or something? I just nod at Aunt Elena, watching her whole body sink in on itself.

"When?" her voice is a low whisper and her eyes cloud over with hurt, why is she getting so emotional about this? I'm a grown woman for God sake! I can be with whoever I want and what I do with them is my business and mine alone.

"Elena you don't need to know the details" Christian is right back to his controlled persona, once again my heart pangs in memory of our time together. We were so right for each other and yet he left me, left me like everyone else has done.

"Yes I do Christian! Now tell me when this happened" her voice is cold and demanding and makes me shudder , never has she spoken to anyone like this around me , nine times out of ten she's lovely to her guests. And she's always loving and caring to me, especially when I'm feeling upset and need a shoulder to cry on, and she's been my shoulder for a whole month. I thought I knew her so well, obviously not.

"It was about three years ago now. It's been over for ages Elena, and I haven't spoken to Leila since I promise. If I'd have known she had any connection to you I swear I would have stayed away" What! But he had said he'd needed me, needed me as his sub because he couldn't have someone else owning me! Why is he lying! Does he want to hurt me? Is that why he's here? To just make it even harder for me to move on from him?

"You should have checked her background check! This is unacceptable Christian , she's my fucking niece!" technically I'm her step daughter she hates being called step mum so we decided to stick with Aunt Elena instead , that way she still feels a little young.

"I did do a background check! It never came up! If she was registered as being born into this other family then they would have been put down as her birth parents! What did you want me to do run blood tests against you and all my fucking subs! Sorry but I had better things to do then waste time!" his anger is at its maximum, as is Aunt Elena's. Suddenly it hits me how close they are, their body language matching the other perfectly. There's only one way they could have developed this closeness, they must have once had a relationship of their own.

"I feel sick" the words are out of my mouth before I realise I've said them and its only when I see two pairs of eyes locked on me that I realise I must have spoken aloud.

"Come sit down Lulu dear , this must be a hard time for you" I nod softly and accept my aunts warm hand , letting her cradle me as she takes me to the sofa and makes me sit down , adjusting the pillow under my head.

So many feelings and thoughts are rushing through my head, feelings I haven't allowed myself to think about because they just upset me. But here he was, the man who haunted my dreams and filled my head with memories of better days, and with those memories came those painful feelings. Feelings of a lost love , of a deep longing to me be cared for and protected. To be loved and wanted.

"Why didn't you tell me about Leila being with you , I knew every single one of your subs!" Christian flinches at my Aunt's anger , it's so strange to see him out of control with something. There must be some kind of history between him and Aunt Elena for him to allow her to talk to him like that. My curiosity is seriously intrigued.

"Leila wasn't like the others , I found her by accident" he was telling her the truth! Not using the intern lie as we always had , this was just getting stranger and stranger. How could he trust my Aunt so much to tell her his darkest secrets , our secret.

"You found her by accident? What like how you found Ana? Oh Christian please tell me she signed all the contracts" my aunts eyes find mine and they are dark with anger "you did sign everything right?"

"Of course she signed , Ana is the only one who's never signed because Ana was never a real submissive. Leila was!" his words kick my heart hard but I hide my pain , he knows I love him because I told his little wife back in her office. Hearing him say her name , knowing she was always more to him than just a sub unlike me and the others , there is no pain like it.

Suddenly there is a flurry of movement from Aunt Elena's room and Christian is up on his feet and entering the room within seconds , a huge smile on his face as he rushes away. I look to Aunt Elena , hoping for some answers , or even just some clue as to why Christian is so happy. All I get is a short shake of the head and a finger pointing to the front door , telling me its time I left for work.

I shake my head and her eyes narrow dangerously , her body shifting to face me as she motions for me to leave once more. I stand and shake my head again, accidently knocking a glass vase off the coffee table as I stand.

I can hear Christian's voice muffled with someone else's, a female's voice. Without thinking I pick up another vase and throw it across the room, hoping the sound will draw Christian away from the bedroom.

After all there's only one women I know who Christian would run that fast to , a woman I long to be , to live the life she leads because she posses the world's greatest prize. The heart of the world's greatest man. Mrs Anastasia Grey. And from the look in her eye as she walks out the bedroom, wearing what looks like Christian's shirt, she is not happy to see me.

* * *

**Christians POV**

"Ana? Baby are you okay" her beautiful blue eyes flutter open and lock on mine and just like in my office all that time ago I still wonder if she can see into my soul , her eyes have such a power of innocence that they literally take my breath away.

"Christian?" her voice is soft and full of sleep and it warms my heart instantly , such beauty and innocence wrapped up in one beautiful young woman , my sweet wife Anastasia.

"I'm here baby" gently I slip under the covers with her and pull her onto my lap, relishing in the feel of her breath against my skin as she snuggles into my chest. Her sweet scent filling me, making me feel light and protected, as if everything will always be alright so long as I have her. Nothing else matters but keeping my Ana close to me.

"What? When did you get here?" her voice becomes short and jumpy and I gently sooth her by rubbing her arm softly, holding her small body closer to my chest.

"About an hour ago baby, you were fast asleep" gently I place a soft kiss on the spot just below her ear and she tightens her hold on me.

"You could have woken me, why didn't you?" those blue eyes lock on me with a curious expression, to know what she was thinking would be such an advantage.

"You looked so peaceful , you looked like the old Ana" a warm smile fills her lips and she looks down , her fingers entwining with mine as I hold her close.

"Before I became the world's biggest drama queen and stormed off like a petulant child you mean?" I can't help but laugh at her cute description of herself, thankfully she giggles with me, filling the room with her soft beautiful laugh.

"Yes before you grew horns and became a feisty little Anastasia, I have to admit I was quite taken aback by how smart your mouth can really be" she giggles again and my heart leaps in my chest. This is what I've missed the most, just being with her like this, holding each other and talking as if we have no cares in the world. I've missed the man she makes me, the better more loving Christian Grey that only she can awaken.

"Is Elena still here?" her voice is muffled against my chest but still audible, obviously she doesn't want our conversation to be heard, and neither do I considering Leila is only meters away from the most precious person in my life, I really don't believe she's fully recovered from her mental lapse and therefore have promised myself to keep Ana as far away from Leila as I possibly can.

"Yes she is baby but we're going to leave any second now. I'm taking you home Ana , back where you belong" suddenly I fear she's going to reject me like she has the many times before but instead she kisses me , her soft full lips pressing against mine in a way no woman has ever kissed me before. Like a puzzle piece fitting with another our lips meet and mould against the other, our eyes closed as her arms fold around my neck, my hands running up her bare back.

"Oh Ana , how I've missed you" I kiss her neck softly once more and reveal in the soft sweet moan that escapes her lips , a sound almost as precious as her little giggle. All of her pressed against my chest, her body warm and comforting. Instantly I want her, no need her, need to feel the connection we have, to reunite and put the last few weeks far behind us. I can feel how Ana wants me too and it fuels my deep desire, her hips are softly grinding against my erection and the feeling spikes deep inside me, burning hot and powerful.

"Christian we can't, not here. We need to go home , take me back home" her words make my heart burst with joy and gently I raise her little body into my arms and lift her from the bed , realising her dress has been removed leaving her in just her black lace undies , her beautiful baby bump on show.

"Yes Ana, you are coming home" once more her lips are on mine and I feel myself become lost in her sweetness, my love for her growing by the second as does my desire to be buried inside her warmth. The one place I feel at my most happy is with my Ana.

A loud crash startles our moment of love, causing me to jump and nearly drop Ana.

"What was that?" I ignore her and press my lips against hers , causing her to giggle and playfully push me away , I try to fight her resistance but give in reluctantly , lowering her back onto the floor and helping her stand steady , her legs still a little wobbly from her earlier shock.

"It was probably just Elena being clumsy" I say without conviction, in all honesty I don't care what the bang was and instead just want to go back to kissing my beautiful wife. So close, we'd been so close to fully reuniting and being together like we were. I need her back, I need the light she brings to my dark life.

"Yes because Elena is usually clumsy and breaking things" her sarcasm makes me giggle and I watch as she heads for the door, obviously forgetting her lack of clothing. I quickly pull off my shirt and walk over to put in on her, covering her soft pale skin with the white material, watching as it falls perfectly over her.

"Ok so maybe she's changed her character to a clumsy person, but I don't care about Elena and her clumsiness, however your clumsiness interests me massively, it means you're more than likely to fall into my arms from time to time" I kiss her neck gently as I do the buttons up on the shirt, my chest pressed against her back, running my hands up over her beautiful baby bump. Our beautiful unborn baby protected and cared for by their mummy.

"Mr Grey that was extremely corny" that beautiful giggle once more fills the room and I can't help but kiss her neck again , moving my hands up her sculpted body , savouring the fact that she's finally letting me touch her after so much time apart.

"Your right Mrs Grey, I'm afraid I'm rather distracted by your beauty and therefore am unable to properly smooth talk you into submission" she flinches slightly and I realise how submission was probably the wrong word to use.

"Ana you're not my sub, I don't want a sub. I want you , only you" I spin her round to face me , hoping she will see the truth in my eyes and stop fighting me , she needs to come home so we can fight this together. Be a united front against all that try to break us.

Another smash is heard from the main room and Ana quickly turns to investigate , panic hits me as I remember who else is in that room.

"Ana! No wait!" I race after her but its too late.

"Leila!" Ana's voice is filled with shock and anger, even Elena flinches.

"Anastasia Grey. What a surprise to see you here, in my home of all places"


	13. Little Leila Big Problem

**Hello readers x**

**I am so sorry that my updates are getting shorter but I've just been overwhelmed by Uni stuff and house bills and overall moving problems. I really hope I can get everything written up before the start of uni on Monday but I make no promises. **

**This story has a long way to go so expect at least 30 chapters overall – a few have asked how long this will be so there's my answer hehe**

**In regards to the introduction of Leila I am so glad most of you liked the twist , however some didn't and I am sorry for that , but trust me she is a big part of this story and the twist is needed.**

**Also there will be a lot more of Victoria in the next few chapters as I have kinda pushed the daughter element of this story back a little , and this is called 50 shades and a daughter so I really should bring her back. **

**Once again please keep reviewing and commenting as they really push me to keep writing , the support I have from you all is so amazing that all I want to do is make you all happy , however I do have an idea in my head now as to where this is all leading and in all honesty I can't please everyone. **

**Now back to the main drama hehe **

**Alexandra xxxxxx**

* * *

**Ana's POV**

Her eyes are full of a smug arrogance as she stands in front of me, a small smirk of a smile on her lips as she looks me over with an amused disgust.

"Anastasia Grey. What a surprise to see you here, in my home of all places" her voice cuts through my earlier happiness like a jagged blade, her dark eyes locking on mine before looking me up and down with plain revulsion, as she takes in my attire of just Christian's shirt.

"Leila enough" Elena raises her hand and remarkably Leila listens, sighing angrily before spinning on her heel and running full pelt up the stairs. A deep silence fills the vast room, Christian's arms are around me in seconds, and he knows he has some explaining to do.

"You knew she was here, in Seattle?" I can't look at him to hear his answer; he told me he was through with her that we'd never have to deal with her again. Her lost, pale face still haunts my nightmares, the lost broken woman who looks like me and tired to kill me, and now she's returned to my city.

"No Ana I didn't. Elena is her step mom, I had no idea when I met her though I swear" I can hear him talking but nothing registers. It doesn't make sense, seems too impossible to understand. How can Leila be Elena's step daughter and Christian not have known! He must be lying; after all Elena met every single sub therefore she must have known about Leila!

"Ana I know you think I'm lying but believe me I had no idea. I found Leila without Elena's help and Elena only found out about her husband's affaire after they had split. Neither of us were to know about Leila" once again my husband has proved he can read my mind perfectly , however it still doesn't explain what Leila is doing back in Seattle when she was told to stay away , after all Christian is funding her art school.

"Are you still funding her schooling?" his eyes are wide and scared, scared of telling me the truth perhaps?

"No, she left the school and took up full time employment. I haven't spoken to her since John told me about her leaving his treatment"

"And you didn't think to tell me! Christian that woman is psychologically disturbed, she tried to kill me for God sake and you don't tell me that she's returned to Seattle! What the hell were you thinking?" his eyes are wide and scared once more, his face daunt and low.

"I got the email the same day I got Esmee's note. I didn't want to overwhelm you so much on one day" I'd almost forgotten about Esmee. That woman just made my skin crawl, she was up to something and I was determined to find out what.

"Esmeralda! Leila! Can we not have one month where none of your previous subs make an appearance!" he says nothing, letting me get my anger out. In all honesty I knew what I was getting into when I married him but sometimes it just gets too much , after all what woman wants a man who's ex's are practically obsessed with him. Tell me one woman who is able to deal with what I deal with!

Exactly there is none!

"Christian perhaps you should take Ana home now, I need to find Leila, she's a fragile heart and something like this could really mess her up. She's not well, please don't be angry at her" Elena's face is clouded with concern and maternal worry, two emotions I never expected a Bitchtroll like Elena to ever feel.

"Don't be angry at her? You are kidding right? Do you have any idea what that woman has put me through?" Christian steps in front of me, stopping me from slapping Elena hard across her perfect little face. Don't be angry at a woman who threatened to kill me, then came to my office just to see my husband! Once I felt sorry for her, pitied her for her uncontrollable love, but now I've seen her smug little face all I feel is pure hate.

"She's done nothing to you Anastasia , stop this childish drama queen act of yours and act your age" now it's Christians turn to be angry at Elena , his growl rumbling the room as he moves towards her , his tall frame towering over her petite one.

"Stop Elena, you have no idea what you're talking about so I advise you to stop while you're ahead"

"I've been told by Leila about her past issues; she's fought them now and come back stronger because of it. So you're wrong I do know what I'm talking about Christian and I still think its wrong for you both to be so angry. After all its both your faults she is the way she is" Leila's tears can be heard from the bedroom upstairs and instantly Elena is rushing to the stairs , stopping just before to speak to Christian , ignoring me completely, much different to the caring woman who looked after me earlier this evening.

"She's heartbroken" against my will I feel myself fill with sympathy for Leila , after all you can't pick who you fall in love with , no one knows that better than me.

"Elena I swear if I'd have known about Leila before I would have stayed away" she just nods and places a hand on his bicep , an action which makes me sick , I am the only person who should be allowed to touch him.

"Anastasia dear are you ok? You look a little startled" I reign in my sarcastic attitude and wander over to Christian and smile as he wraps his arm around my waist, nodding a response to Elena's concern.

"I guess the shock of seeing Leila again has mixed a little with last night's shock , I suddenly feel rather light headed again" Christian's arm tightens around me and his lips gently kiss my cheek , causing me to squirm happily.

"Let's get you some water and something to eat, you need to keep your metabolism working" I nod and follow Elena though to the kitchen with Christian's arm still holding me close.

* * *

**Leila's POV**

That stupid woman has everything I want and still she acts the fucking victim! How can she talk to him like he's the bad guy when he's done nothing but try to protect her, care for her. I'd give anything to be cared for by Mr Grey, anything and everything!

She doesn't deserve him, she's never deserved him. I deserve him, he should be mine!

My doctors never could understand why I thought this but I know it's the truth, Christian Grey was meant to marry me not her. I would be a wonderful wife to him; I'd never ever disobey him like she does. I'd be a submissive wife, a submissive through and through, and he'd be my master, my lord and master of my entire universe.

I need to show him how perfect we are for each other, nothing else matters, not my job or my family, they will understand that love comes before everything to me. Even Aunt Elena will understand she has too; otherwise she'll never help me take down Anastasia Grey and take her place as Christian's rightful wife.

Wiping my eyes of my tears and slipping out of my bed I try and conduct a plan, a plan to somehow show Anastasia how bad she is for Christian. The way I see it is that if I can get her to leave him then he will be left vulnerable and in need of someone, someone who can show him love and tenderness, someone who can show him what he's been denying himself for so long. Someone like me, for example.

But how to split them up in the first place will be hard, especially with the hold Ana seems to have on my man. It's like he's somehow under her spell, I've always wondered if she's some sort of witch in disguise, it would make sense the way she controls the uncontrollable Mr Grey.

There must be something I can use to split them up! And then it hits me, his phone, he's always on his phone, always! There must be something on there that I can use, some secret he's been hiding from her maybe?

God knows he was always hiding things from me, constantly sending me away from him when he had a phone call. I wonder if Ana is allowed to hear his phone calls or if she too is sent away? How I wish I could know more about why he choose her, what the hell does that mousy little girl have that I don't?

Well now it's time for me to take back what is rightfully mine and that means getting my hands on his precious phone , a task which would not be easy.

_Might as well call Tom Cruise because you're looking at Mission Impossible _snapped my subconscious , who since I'd been introduced to my new Aunt had morphed into a mini version of her and now bossed me around all day long , although she also comforted me and helped me though my dark moments , just like my real aunt does.

Slowly and silently I stepped out my bedroom and made my way towards the staircase, checking if the coast is clear, it's not and I have to jump back and hide as I spot Aunt Elena standing at the bottom of the stairs with Christian and Ana, seeing his arm wrapped around her makes me gag and I have to turn my face away from the horrid sight.

"Anastasia dear are you ok? You look a little startled" my aunts voice is soft and concerned , it's the same voice she uses when I'm upset , the thought of my aunt being kind to that woman sickens me and I have to stop myself from throwing something at Ana's little head.

"I guess the shock of seeing Leila again has mixed a little with last night's shock , I suddenly feel rather light headed again" uh once again she plays the helpless victim! She wasn't so helpless at her office, in fact she'd been far more controlled and intimidating, something's unsettled her, perhaps something I can use to destroy her. The thought makes me smile wickedly.

"Let's get you some water and something to eat, you need to keep your metabolism working" I watch as Aunt Elena leads Ana and Christian away , my heart in my stomach as I see Christians arm tighten around Ana's small waist , he never held me like that. Why couldn't he have looked after me forever?

I shake my sadness and instead concentrate on getting down the stairs without being heard, keeping one eye locked on the kitchen door as I scurry over to couch where Christian's jacket hangs over the arm. It smells of him and I can't help but inhale deeply, remember his arms as they use to hold me, remembering the way he helped me wash when I was sick.

How I long to be held like that again, to be able to use his body wash as I use to when he wasn't watching me, to sneak into his room when I stayed the night and just watch him sleeping, holding his hand and pretending I was sleeping next to him. I tried so hard to show him how much I loved him but he never took the hint, now things will be different. If I can't have him no one can.

I locate his phone in the breast pocket and quickly unlock it. Shit! He has a password! Think Leila what could it be?

Submission maybe? I type it in and get rejected access.

Control perhaps? Once again I'm denied access to the phone.

Perhaps he used her name, the thought makes me sick but I have to try. I type in Anastasia and my throat catches when the phone comes to life, she's his password! That bitch!

Sighing angrily I shoot upstairs with the phone and quickly go to my room, closing and locking the door behind me. Scanning his numerous emails and business contacts fills me with glee, this is Christian, unlimited Christian. This small little device holds his entire life, his schedule which tells me exactly where he will be and what he'll be doing, his bank details all filed individually in his document folder, everything he holds secret is on this phone. And I have it all to myself, oh the possibilities.

Scanning through his calendar I note down his various meetings and occasions, let's just say little miss Anastasia is going to be seeing a lot more of me , I'll be popping up to all these little charity events and family do's. What's this? An email from Miss Gold? Who the hell's Miss Gold?

* * *

**From: Esmeralda Gold**

**Subject: Victoria's parent evening**

**Date: March 21****st**** 2011 23.35**

**To: Christian Grey**

Mr Grey,

I've been trying to get hold of Taylor all day but I think I may have taken his number down incorrectly as I've had no answer.

Tori's parent evening at her school is on Monday the 23rd and I think it would be good for her to have both her parents in attendance , most of her bullies don't believe that she even has a father so having you there would mean the world to both her and myself.

I have attached the email that was sent to all parents explaining the location and schedule for the evening and hope to see you there , Tori doesn't know that I've asked you but I assure you she wants you there.

Please let me know as soon as possible so I can inform the school.

Also I'm sorry to email so late but as I said I have tried to contact Taylor but have had no success.

Esmeralda x

* * *

A daughter? He has a daughter? With an ex sub no doubt! Oh how perfect , how absolutely perfect! This I can use , this will definitely break them up , and not like a petty little break which lasts a week but a real full blown divorce , leaving little Miss Anastasia as a single parent , oh how glorious that would be.

But I heard her mention an Esmeralda , does that mean she knows about this daughter? That could be a problem , but what if Christian is made to choose between this Victoria girl and Ana? Surely a father would choose their daughter , and my how horrid that would make Ana feel to see her beloved husband turn his back on her in order to save another woman's daughter. She'd be a broken woman , she'd become me.

It's the perfect plan for the perfect revenge. Goodbye Mrs Grey , it's time to become Miss Steele once more. First things first I need to make a visit to this parents evening and speak with Miss Gold.

We subs have to stick together after all.

* * *

**And I give you the main Villian of 50 Shades and a daughter , Miss Leila Williams x**

**What's your thoughts on little Leila being a big problem?**


	14. Being Esmeralda Sophia Gold

**Hiya readers :)**

**Once again please forgive me for the late update but University life is proving to be a very busy life and finding the time to write and update just gets harder and harder , but please don't give up on the story because I am hoping to dedicate a whole weekend to getting back up to date.**

**This chapter is all from Esmee's point of view and is just a way to give you all a bit of a background into her and Tori. I have had a lot of people commenting about the stray from the main topic, i.e. Christian's daughter, and promise to bring more of her in throughout the next few chapters.**

**Once again please do review as it pushes me to write and update, even when I'm all sleepy hehe**

**Alexandra xxx**

* * *

"Mom would you hurry up! Mrs Alexander said we have to get there by 6 and its 20 past! I'm always late because of you!" my little controlling daughter rushes into my bedroom , her wild brown curls flying behind her as she runs to stand next to me and tugs at my arm.

"Tori our first appointment isn't until half 7 , we have plenty of time , now help me with my dress and we'll go ok?" she gives a big exasperated sigh and jumps up on my bed to reach the zip at the back of my black shift dress.

"Why are you so dressed up? You usually just wear those gross jeans, the ones with the rips, which nana says make you look homeless" I roll my eyes at her and bat her away, opening my jewellery box for her which should give me 10 minutes of silence. She's such a little material girl.

In all honesty she has a point, I never dress up this much for a parents evening but tonight isn't any parents evening, it's a parents evening that I might be attending with him. Christian Grey!

That's if he replies to my email , which I sent nearly two days ago , it's just rude to leave me hanging like this. My heart is beating incredibly fast and I can feel my earlier lunch come back up my throat , my nerves are shot causing my stomach to feel incredibly uneasy. Without a seconds hesitation I bolt to the bathroom and vomit dramatically , Tori is hot on my heels and just stands at the doorway as I empty my stomach of any substance.

"Ewwwww mom that is seriously disgusting , Martha's dog throws up all the time and Martha says the best thing to do is feed it toothpaste to stop the sicky stuff smelling. Can you eat some toothpaste please cus this place sticks now" no sympathy what so ever is given to me by my lovely little Victoria , instead she's disgusted by me , ok well she's disgusted that I'm being sick.

Funnily enough a lot of people are disgusted with me, mostly my family who have all but disowned me now they have found out the truth about how Tori was conceived. Apparently it's not proper to have a daughter who was once a submissive sex slave and a granddaughter who was probably conceived during a session using whips and chains , or so that's what my mother thinks.

I told my mom about mine and Christian's relationship the week after Derek left , a man who I had told everyone was Tori's biological father , stupid mistake I know but I was young and scared of being judged. I'd even told Derek that Tori was his daughter and at first he had believed me , had even seemed excited that he was going to be a father , but then Tori and I had the accident.

I shouldn't have been driving , I was tired from work and stressed out over numerous things , my mind wasn't in the right mood to concentrate on the road , especially not with a 2 year old Tori singing Disney songs in her car seat behind me. My mind was blocked and distracted and I just didn't see the van as it turned the corner. I slammed on the breaks but it was too late , we collided head on and everything went black.

When I woke up I was in a dark hospital room with an anxious looking nurse staring at me , her eyes grew wide as I looked back and suddenly she was off , racing out the room shouting to everyone that I was awake. Obviously it was a miracle that someone could have survived such a brutal accident. One thought ran through my mind though , was my daughter ok?

Turned out she wasn't ok , far from it. Her injuries were far worse than mine and her blood loss was becoming a serious danger , meaning she would need a blood transfusion immediately. Only problem being I didn't share the same blood as her, which was when Derek offered as he assumed he must have the same blood seeing as he was Tori's father. The test came back and the truth was out there.

Tori didn't belong to Derek and therefore I no longer had a fiancé.

Looking back it must have been obvious that Tori didn't belong to Derek , mostly because we'd only been together a week when I told him I was pregnant. How was he to have known I'd left Christian a mere two days before we met at a club downtown , he couldn't have.

No one knew, not even my parents. I had been the perfect little liar to my parents, telling them that I was enrolling in night classes and weekend courses for my chef qualification, when in fact I was subjecting myself to a world of whips and gags all in the name of pleasure.

Leaving that world had been the single most painful experience because I longed for more , more of him. More of Mr Grey.

* * *

"Esmeralda , I didn't tell you to pack your bags. Why are you not in the playroom like you were told" I freeze in my packing and turn to face him , looking down at the floor as I've been taught to do when speaking to him.

"Mr Grey I have to terminate the contract" his gasp fills the room and I risk looking up , startled by the sadness that fills his young eyes.

"What? But why? Everything was going so well?" he's acting so unlike himself , gone is the confidence , the cold hard shell of a man that I am use too , instead he looks scared and uneasy. Its staggeringly unusual but somehow endearing and engaging.

"Because I don't want to be a submissive anymore" my lie cuts through me and I have to force my tears not to fall. But I can't stay , not now , not when I know he'll just throw me in the gutter when he learns the truth.

"I don't understand , the contract is for three months , you only have a couple of weeks left. What's changed to make you want to leave?" his hurt eyes break my heart but I know I have to keep strong, this is the right thing to do, there is no other way.

"I'm sorry Mr Grey but I cannot stay. I thank you for the time we've shared and wish you all the best in the future" without speaking another word he motions for Taylor , his buzz cut bodyguard, to enter.

"Taylor please remove all of Miss Gold's belongings from this room and then drive her back to her home address" Taylor just nods and takes my packed bag from me before leaving the room.

"Esmeralda if this is what you want you have to sign the termination contract. After that we are through , you are not to contact me ever again and because you have signed a NDA I will expect you to keep quiet about our arrangement. No one is to know about this , ever. Do you understand Esmeralda?" it takes all my strength not to burst into tears right there , how can he go from looking so anxious to be as cold as ice. He's such a complex , beautiful man. He's like an addictive drug which causes extreme pain but also gives me the greatest pleasure.

All I can do is nod and suddenly I feel a stray tear run down my cheek , staining my pale skin , my heart is breaking with every second and I have to fight my body from running to him and throwing my arms around his neck. But I can't because this man is not mine to love , he's never loved me and never will , he won't even let me touch him. My baby needs me, his baby, a baby he will never know because he will never know it was born. This is why I need to leave, because it is impossible for me to stay and keep my baby.

I choose my child over my heart.

* * *

"Mommy pleasseee hurry up. Martha has already arrived and her she's got her baby brother with her and I really wanna see him" Tori is once again by my side and I hastily push Christian from my mind , it's obvious he doesn't care about his daughter enough to get involved with her schooling.

"I'm coming Victoria!" she narrows her eyes at me, god I need to teach her some respect for me.

"Stop calling me Victoria" she pouts childishly, although in all honesty she is a child.

"However much you hate the name it's what I named you and if I want to use your full name than I will" I respond with a small smile and gently ruffle her hair, which I'm guessing she's only just made perfect. My dear little girly girl daughter.

"Mom! You've messed up my princess bow" I can only watch amazed as she rushes to my full length mirror and starts frantically brushing our her long curls , pausing only to stare real close at her face in the mirror , before returning to her extravagant brushing. She's so unique and lovely sometimes that I almost forget her rudeness; it's as if I see the real Victoria, the Victoria who lives beneath the sarcastic and rude little madam that everyone else knows.

Everyone including her father. God I was so angry at the way she acted around him, she's usually so shy around men, especially since she learnt about Derek not being her real dad. But around Christian sarcastic Tori came out to play, and my was she out to show everyone just how in control she can be of a situation. It's one of the many characteristics her and Christian share, and it's something I really love about both of them.

Yes even now after nearly 8 years apart I still love him. Not that I didn't love Derek because I did, everyone did , he was extremely handsome with his jet black hair and bright blue eyes which contrasted his olive skin to perfection , not to mention his hot as hell body thanks to his personal trainer profession.

But he wasn't Christian , he didn't have that mysterious quality to him that just made me melt when I was him , it was like he awoke something deep within me that I didn't even know existed.

Derek fell for me almost instantly, something he made very clear on the night we met. His hands literally never left my body as we danced the night away, and soon I found myself at his small studio apartment in downtown Seattle. The rest, as they say, is history.

Looking back I was stupid to think he would believe me saying I'd fallen pregnant by him, I mean the man had used extra thick condoms and had pulled out before any damage could be done, but he stayed with me through my pregnancy like a real gentleman and before I knew it he was down on one knee asking me to be his wife.

I was speechless at first and then suddenly Christians face filled my mind, he was the man my heart belonged to and yet another man was asking me to be his forever. I felt like I was cheating on him, even though I knew he had already replaced me with another sub. The thought made me feel sick and without thinking about it another second I gave Derek my answer and let him slide the single diamond ring on my finger.

The years passed and the wedding never got planned , no idea why it just never came up , mostly because of me being unable to pick a date where I wasn't working with my catering company or attending some school function for Tori.

According to Derek the wedding never got planned because it was never wanted in the first place by me but I honestly don't think that's true, over the years I had come to love him and to see him leave did hurt. But not as much as it hurt to leave Christian, that was a pain I've never ever experienced since that awful night.

"MOM!" a high pitched screech startles me from my thoughts and I race towards the front door, stopping when I see Tori standing by the door staring at the young woman who she's just opened the door too. Her dark brown eyes look me up down straight away and her smile unsettles me instantly, I reach for Tori and pull her behind me.

"Can I help you?" her eyes lock on mine and there is a sparkle of something dark and sinister in them , once more I push Tori directly behind me , I don't like the idea of my daughter being near this woman , she looks normal but her eyes say otherwise.

"Esmeralda Gold?" how the hell does she knows me? And know my address? I don't like this one bit, something feels wrong about her. I should close the door, should tell her I'm someone else and send her on her way but something about her makes me curious.

"Yes? And who are you?" suddenly she laughs and throws her head back, her arms high above her head in a gesture of glee. I've never seen someone so happy to see me before, it's seriously unsettling. Suddenly her eyes are on mine are full of unrestrained wickedness.

"My name's Leila. I need to talk to you about your daughter"


	15. A mad girl on the run

**Hello my amazing readers, **

**I am so sorry that this update is so late. So many things have happened since the last chapter that I just haven't had time to focus on writing. I am incredibly sorry.**

**As some of you may know I recently lost a friend of mine and so haven't been inspired to write but I am back and ready to give you all some drama. **

**A lot of you have questions which I know I have still not answered but please be patient, there is a lot more to come in this story but I promise everything will make sense in the end.**

**As always I love reading your reviews and am thankful to every single one of you for sticking with me and this story, I will do my best not to let any of you down. **

**Lastly I just want to dedicate this chapter to my dear friend Effie , always in our hearts and minds. **

**Alexandra xxx**

* * *

**Ana's POV**

The drive back to Escala is long and tiring. Christian is sat next to me with his eyes locked on his blackberry screen, although his hand is holding onto mine extremely tight. I can tell something is bothering him.

"What's wrong?" I ask him softly, only to be shushed harshly. Anger spikes through me, we're right back where we started with him hiding things from me. Not this time, we've been through too much. I'm exhausted by this life, all I want is to live a simple life and yet all I seem to get is drama after drama after bloody drama. Noting that we're about half an hour away from Escala I lean forward and tap Taylor on the shoulder as he drives "pull over please Taylor"

"Mrs Grey?" the surprise in his voice is clear and I spot his confused expression in the rear view mirror.

"Anastasia, what are you doing?" Christian is still holding his phone, tilting it towards the door so I can't see the screen, but now his eyes are trained on me.

"Asking Taylor to pull over, what's it look like I'm doing Christian?" my sarcasm makes him scowl at me, his grey eyes darkening dramatically.

"Keep driving Taylor" his eyes are still locked on me as he talks, a hint of arrogance to them. He thinks he has the upper hand; once again he's underestimated me, shame on you Mr Grey.

"No Taylor pull over" I glance at him through the rear view mirror, meeting his anxious eyes "now please" I turn back to look at Christian and smile sweetly, relishing in his amused smirk.

Taylor indicates his intention to pull over to the other drivers and within 10 seconds we're parked up outside a small coffee shop. I nod to Taylor, silently dismissing him, and he silently gets out and wanders into the shop. Even though he's out of sight I know he'll keep his eyes on us. Now however it's time to talk properly with my husband.

"Now Mr Grey tell me what's wrong" his amused smirk vanishes causing my heart to sink a little , I had assumed he was just annoyed about Leila and Elena but he's eyes say there is more to the story. He's hiding something from me, and that usually means there is something dangerous after us. Instantly my hands are on my bump, soothing little blips kicks.

"Christian please, don't hide things from me, not now. We've been through enough together to realise we need to keep strong, and I can't be strong when your hiding things from me , it just doesn't work like that" my voice is filled with worry and suddenly he's reaching over me and unlocking my seat belt , allowing me to climb onto his lap and snuggle against his warm body.

"I'm sorry Ana, your right I shouldn't hide things from you but I get so scared that you'll leave me. You promised not to leave me and then you left and it broke my heart. How can I tell you things that may cause you to leave, how can you ask me to do that?" tears fill my eyes and I burry my head into his chest as dread and guilt fill me. All I ever wanted was to make him feel loved, give him what he'd never experienced from his mother, and yet I've done the complete opposite. All my hard work trying desperately to show him my love for him and I've ruined it.

"Christian I'm sorry. I shouldn't have run away like I did but I was scared, scared you'd realise how inadequate I am compared to Esmee. Scared that you'd realise you'd married the wrong girl. I should have believed in your love for me but seeing her, well it brought back that fear" his strong arms encase my body, his mouth gently kissing my hair as he sooths my crying.

"Hush baby, I understand. God knows how fucked up our lives are and I wish I could make things more simple but nothing will ever change my love for you Ana, nothing and no one. You are my life, my entire world. When are you going to realise that you are all I need?" I look up and meet his eyes, such pure unadulterated love shines back at me causing me to catch my breath.

"I realise it now Christian, I'm so sorry" his smile warms my heart instantly and I let his lips caress mine.

"I'm sorry as well baby" his words are said through our kiss and melt around me. Such a simple word but it means so much, to both of us. However he still hasn't told me what was bothering him when we were driving. Hesitantly I break our kiss and his smile drops a little.

"What was the matter before? You were staring at your phone for ages" his smile drops once more, his eyes cloud over, his hand running through his thick hair.

"Victoria's parents evening is tonight and Esmee has requested I attend" my gasp unsettles him and I try to move away , his arm wrapping around my waist tightly "no , don't move away , please Ana don't move" I nod silently and let him nuzzle against my hair , feeling him breathing deeply against my thick brown locks.

"Christian you don't even know for sure if Esmee is telling the truth. What if Tori isn't even your daughter" he stays silent for a while before giving a soft nod , his hand once again running through his thick hair.

"Elena said the same when I told her" I have to bite back my annoyance that he's once again telling Elena all our secrets , just like he told her about my unplanned pregnancy. My hand once again finds its way to my bump.

"Elena and I don't usually agree on things Christian, this time however we do. Getting a DNA test doesn't take long, I'm sure Grace will be more than happy to get the results rushed through" he tenses, his arm tightening around my waist more.

"No! I will not tell my mother, none of the family can know Ana. Not one single person. Understand?" I nod silently, to scared to talk my real thoughts.

An awkward silence fills the SUV and still Christian holds me against his chest, his arm is so tight around my waist as if he's worried he'll let go and I'll run away again. In all honestly I don't have the energy to run anymore, all that's happened these past few weeks has just drained me so much.

Esmee and Tori, Jose and his completely mental behaviour at the show, Elena being the good guy for once, not to mention Leila returning to Seattle! How am I suppose to keep calm and collected when everything around just wants to cause me stress. Its physically and emotionally exhausting.

Tori could be his , the dates match up after all , but then there could be a possibility that Esmee is lying , after all everyone knows how ridiculously wealthy Christian is , claiming to have a daughter by him would be an extremely easy way to get money. But surly a mother would want to protect their child, not lie to them about who their father is just to get money. Although who am I to judge what a mother would and would not do, I for one would do whatever it took to ensure Blip was looked after. Perhaps all Esmee wants is to ensure her daughter, whether they be Christians or not, is financially looked after. Is that really a bad thing to do?

"You need to get a DNA test Christian, no ifs but or maybe's. We need to know for sure if Tori is actually yours" thankfully he nods, but his eyes tell me that he's hurting. Then it hits me , the reason he's so upset , he's finally allowing himself to trust the world and the people who roam it , only to be used and manipulated by someone he once use to trust. I'd forgotten just how hard it once was for Christian to open up to people, he was so sheltered in his secrets. He's a different man, a man who now allows his feelings and emotions to show, but only to selective people.

"Mr Grey?" Taylor's voice is heard from outside the car, he sounds concerned and anxious. Instantly Christian closes off his emotions and returns to his cool and calm CEO persona.

"What is it Taylor?" reluctantly I move off Christian's lap and settle back into my own seat , gently running my fingers over my ever increasing bump , smiling as Blip kicks where my fingers land.

"I've just received word that Miss Williams was seen at Miss Gold's home , according to neighbours Miss Williams left with Miss Victoria" Oh God! Leila's kidnapped Tori! How the hell did she even find out about Tori?

"Taylor drive us to Esmee's. Now!" Taylor jumps to attention and is switching the engine on in seconds. Putting his foot on the accelerator as hard as he can as we make our way to Esmee's address.

Whatever Leila is up too if she's got hold of Tori, nothing good can come from it.

* * *

**Esmee's POV**

"Excuse me?" The girl's eyes are dark and dangerous, as she stands in my doorway, her hair is damp from the night rainfall and her posture seems off and unstable. All in all she looks completely and utterly insane.

"I said I need to talk with you about your daughter, Christian Grey's daughter" Fuck! How the hell does she know? No one knows! Not even my family, they know how she was conceived but I never ever told them Christian's name. This is impossible.

"I don't know what you're talking about. Now if you don't mind I have a parents evening to attend and would rather like it if you left" I go to close the door but she kicks it back , just about missing Tori , who is stuck to my side.

"Listen here Miss Gold I've walked a long way to get here and if you don't let me in then I'll just have to force you. Everything will be a lot easier if you just shut your mouth and do as I say. We both know how to do as we're told" something in her eyes tells me she knows about my relationship with Christian, she knows all too well what kind of relationship it was as well. Suddenly I feel the need to throw up, again.

"You know?" I can feel Tori's eyes staring at me in confusion, but I ignore her and instead train my eyes on Leila.

"I know Esmeralda. Now be a good little submissive and let me in" I gulp deeply and step aside, pushing Tori safely behind me.

"Let me just put my daughter to bed and we'll talk ok?" she nods, her eyes eerily locked on Tori.

"Mommy who's that?" my daughters voice is scared and nervous , emotions she hates to show anyone , much preferring to be sharp witted and confident when around people.

"No one you need to worry about. We won't be going out tonight anymore" her eyes dart to the living room door, where Leila has just exited too.

"But it's my parents evening" her bottom lip starts to quiver and her big green eyes water slightly.

"I know baby but mommy's got some umm work stuff to deal with, I promise I'll call Miss Alexander and get her to tell me all about your progress ok?" I know how important it was for Tori to have me attend tonight and having to say no is breaking my heart, but that Leila woman creeps me out. The sooner she's out of my apartment, and away from me and my daughter, the better.

"Mommy you look scared, do you need a hug?" I kneel down and open my arms up to her, feeling her small little arms wrap around my neck as she cuddles me close. My precious little girl, trying so hard to stay brave, but deep down I know she's freaked out about Leila.

Something just seems so wrong about her, every inch of me is screaming to get Tori away from that woman. But Leila knows about me and Christian, which is impossible, and I need to know how.

"Listen Victoria what I'm about to tell you is very very important, do you understand that?" I have to whisper in her ear to make sure Leila doesn't hear my plan. She nods, continuing to cuddle into my arms.

"I understand mommy" her voice catches and stabs my heart, my poor little brave girl is scared and its killing me.

"I need you to go to my office and call Jason Taylor, tell him to get Christian Grey to ring me as soon as he can. Do you remember my pass code?" she nods against my shoulder and suddenly I feel her tears against my shoulder.

"I remember my birthday right?" her voice is shaky and her nose is starting to run alongside her tears, the sound is like a thousand knives stabbing against me.

"That's right my baby. Hush now sweet pea you'll be fine, nothing will happen to you. I will always protect you, no matter what you will be safe. Now go to my office and call Jason Taylor. Once you've made the call I want you to go to your bedroom and stay there , don't move until I tell you" I pull away and brush a tear from her cheek , my daughters eyes are now fully filled with tears , her brave outer shell completely broken , letting the scared seven year old within come out.

"That woman looks odd mommy, don't go in there with her" glancing at the door I can only imagine what Leila wants to 'talk' about. I swear down if she touches me or Tori she will seriously regret her actions. Tori's snuffling brings me back and I plant a soft kiss on her forehead.

"I'll be fine baby; it's you I'm worried about. Where's my brave little Tori gone?" she gives a weak smile and scrunches her nose up in embarrassment.

"She's still here mom" I smile back and gently poke her stomach, making her giggle cutely.

"Good, now off you go and do as I said. I'll be back as soon as I can, I promise" she gives a final nod and rushes off towards my small, but cosy, office.

I stand as she enters the office and turn towards the living room door , jumping slightly as I see Leila standing in the door way , her dark brown eyes trained on the office door which Tori has just entered. Shivers run down my spine and once again I feel the motherly instinct which is telling me to get my daughter to safety.

"I envy you" her words are full of spite, her eyes however haven't left the office doorway, a fact which is making me feel even more uneasy.

"What for?" I stand in front of her eye sight, expecting her to instead look at me, however her head just drops forward and she stares at the floor.

"You have a constant part of him; you're bounded to him forever. Whereas I have to be without him. I should be with him" suddenly her eyes dart up and meet mine, such a dark intensity fills them "and you're going to help me"

"Look I have no idea what you're talking about and I really do think you should leave" anger fills her tiny frame and suddenly her hand is wrapped around my throat, all the air leaves my lungs and I gasp for breath.

"Look you stupid woman I have had enough of people like you and that stupid Anastasia thinking you are better than me. You're not! I am Christian's true love and so help me God he will be mine! And if you want your pretty little daughter to keep breathing you better just shut your mouth and help me! Understand?" never have I seen such unhinged anger from such a little person, her whole persona is animalistic and dangerous. Her eyes are filled with pure rage. Its terrifying.

Tori's scream hits me like a ton of bricks and suddenly Leila's pushing me back against the wall, causing me to hit my head hard against the solid wall.

"Mommy!" the hit to my head causes my vision to blur , my body is paralysed with shock , all I can do is watch in horror as my little girl rushes over to Leila and hits her hard in the stomach with what looks like an umbrella. Leila stumbles slightly but regains her balance, towering over Tori threateningly.

"Tori run!" ignoring the throbbing in my head I jump to my feet and run towards Leila, pushing her as far away from Tori as I can, watching as she stumbles back and crashes against my bookcase.

"Mommy your phone didn't work, I couldn't call that man. I didn't know what to do" full blown tears are streaming down her scared little face, her bright green eyes have lost their confidence and instead she looks completely and utterly terrified. I instantly drop to my knees to calm her, holding her close to me.

"Hush baby it's okay. Are you hurt?" I hold her at arm's length and take in appearance, no cuts or bruises anywhere. I breathe a sigh of relief.

"Is your neck ok mommy?" gently she examines my neck, a place where not two seconds ago Leila had a very tight grip on me. I nod and stand up straight, looking over at where Leila is still crashed out on the floor from her tumble.

"I'm fine sweet pea" leaving Tori at the front door I quickly dart into my office, to grab my phone, and then hurry back. I dial Taylor's number and once again the phone doesn't even register the number, how cruel it was for Christian to give me a fake number, how little he must think of me and his own daughter. Hesitantly I type out an email to Christian.

"Mommy" Tori's voice startles me and I look down at her, but her eyes aren't on me but instead seem focused on something above my head, I swivel to see what she's looking at.

That's when I feel the blow of something hard hitting my temple.

Images flash in front of me as I try to regain consciousness, but nothing seems to work. My eyes are closing, my head is pounding.

My daughter is screaming.

Then I hear the door close.

My daughter is gone.


	16. Aftermath part 1

Chapter 16

**Hello everyone :) and a happy new year to you all x**

**I know it has been a stupidly long time since I last updated and in all honestly there is no excuse except I am seriously swamped with my university coursework. Currently I am behind on four essays and still have two scripts to read over before next Monday but I just couldn't start the new year without giving you all a little insight into my future plot line hehe**

**Hopefully I will have updated at least twice before Monday comes around but no promises can be made as I do have to work on my essays but I will try my very best to give you all more. **

**Anyways I hope you all had an amazing Christmas and I wish you the best 2013!**

**Alexandra xx**

**p.s I'm thinking of starting a twitter account , would anyone be interested? Let me know xxx**

* * *

**Tori's POV**

"Mommy?" The room's too dark, I don't like the dark. Where's my Barbie night lights, it makes my bedroom pink, pink's my favourite colour. It smells in here as well, it smells like mommy's sweaty gym clothes when she gets back from her run , it's really gross and I have to crinkle my nose against it. I wish mommy would spray her fruity perfume, the one that comes in the small pink bottle with the gold writing on the side, it reminds me of her and it makes me feel safe.

I don't feel safe right now, not in this room.

Where's my mommy? Is she playing hide and seek with me?

"Mommy? I don't want to play hide and seek anymore" hide and seek is mine and mommy's favourite game, well its mine, mommy says she likes it but deep down I know she'd rather play dress-up with me. But that's only because she never wins, until now that is.

Something's not right, I can feel it, my skin feels tight on my cheeks from tears but I don't remember crying. When was I crying? Why was I crying?

Mommy cries a lot at the moment, especially when she speaks of Grandma and Grandpa, they disowned her when I was born. Mommy says she's happy, says she picked me over them because she loved me more. Perhaps mommy doesn't love me anymore, after all she did seem very mad when she was getting ready for parents night. I know how much she hates going to parent's night, mostly because it's just her whereas all my school friends have daddy's who go to parent's night as well. My daddy doesn't even know me. Maybe that's where my mommy is, trying to find my daddy, the Mr Christian man who owns the big house , I guess Mr Christian doesn't want to know me , after all I was rude , but then I'm always rude.

Mommy says it's because I'm insecure, but I don't know what that means , Dr Michael says I use my sarcasm as a defence mechanism and that the emotions I really feel I refuse to show anyone because I'm scared I'll get rejected. I just think he looks funny with his big round glasses and bald head, a bit like Mr Potato Head in Toy Story. But when I told him and Mommy this I got told off and Dr Michael started writing things down in his notebook.

Mommy cried herself to sleep that night.

A loud bang comes from upstairs, as if something heavy has been dropped, the noise echo's through the darkness, making me cover my ears. Loud noises are like the dark, they scare me. No one but mommy knows about my fears, they are my secrets. Being scared makes you weak and I hate being weak, weakness makes people more likely to hurt you. I refuse to be hurt.

More banging fills the darkness of my room, but it's not just any banging anymore, it sounds like footsteps. Loud, mean footsteps, but not from big boots or sneakers, no they sound like high heels, click-clacking on hard wood flooring. Mommy wears heels all the time, I tired walking in them once but I fell and hurt my ankle. Mommy says I'll learn to walk in them when I'm older, but I only want to wear them because they make people taller and being small makes me feel weak. A feeling I'm more scared of then the dark or loud noises.

Bright light fills the room abruptly and I cower away , it's too bright for my eyes after so much darkness. Then I see her , the woman from the door , the one who made Mommy scared. Who's now making me scared. I can't show her my fear, my fear is my weakness , she cannot know my weakness. No one can ever know. Only Mommy can know.

"Victoria Louisa Gold. Such a beautiful name for such a beautiful little girl" I can't see her face but I can imagine the evil look she must be giving me , her tone is harsh , not sing song soft like Mommy's. Mommy's voice is kind and sweet, even when she's angry. This mean woman has nothing kind or sweet about her , she's like the evil queen from Snow White. She's beautiful but horrible all at once.

"Where's my Mommy! I want my Mommy!" my voice is still strong , ever since Hannah Bird at school started bullying me because I had no Dad I've taught my voice to stay strong , no matter how scared I am I will never show my emotions to people.

"She's gone Victoria. She doesn't want you anymore" What? That can't be true. Mommy loves me , she's always telling me how important and special I am to her. She'd never leave me , never ever.

"That's a lie. My Mommy loves me! Now tell me where she is. I want to go to my parents evening" I shout at her with all my strength. She steps back slightly and I think she's going to give in and tell me where Mommy is. Then I see her hand stretching behind her , the bright light behind her is covered by her hand slightly and I get a glimpse of her small face, pure anger and disgust is all I see in her dark brown eyes , then her hand moves swiftly through the air.

Then I feel pain , lots and lots of pain. Before feeling nothing and seeing darkness once more.

**Esmeralda's POV**

My head is banging furiously and my vision is still extremely blurred, it feels like I've down three bottles of high quality tequila only to endure a fight with a walrus.

"Tori!" I try to stand but my head is spinning and I lose my balance, hitting the floor face first.

"Tori where are you?" I call out again and still get nothing in return, where is she? This isn't like her; the house is far too quiet for her to be here. What were we supposed to be doing tonight?

"Tori! Come here now!" I try once more to stand and thankfully get my vision back to some normality. Why the hell does my head hurt so much? Did I go out drinking last night?

I wander into my bedroom , wondering if Tori is playing in my wardrobe like she usually does when I'm out of the room , and notice my reflection. I'm dressed up, very dressed up, in a brand new black figure hugging dress. Why am I wearing this? I only wear this kind of thing when I'm trying to look good for something. Why would I be trying to look good?

I slip my heels off and rub the back of my head, the pain is the worse there and I can feel an almighty big bump emerging, perhaps I hit my head and that caused me to blackout. But the thing is I don't remember blacking out. I don't remember anything.

I move back into the hall and spot my phone lying on the floor; the contacts book is open on Taylor's number. Why would I ring Taylor? Unless I wanted to contact Christian, wait Christian! Shit maybe Tori's gone looking for Christian; he is her father after all.

Father … fuck tonight's her parents evening! Shit we're going to be so late!

"Victoria Louisa Gold will you stop playing hide and seek and get ready! We have to be at your school for parents evening" I rush into my bedroom and quickly apply some more make up before slipping my heels back on as quickly as I can.

Christian should be coming tonight, Tori is his daughter. He should be there showing everyone that she is loved by both her parents, maybe then the bullies would leave her alone. She may act brave and uncaring but I hear her crying when she comes home, they hurt her so much and yet she never lets them know. She makes me so proud sometimes but it breaks my heart that she's taught herself to hide her emotions so well, she's like Christian in so many ways it's scary. He needs to accept her because I just don't think she will be able to get through it if her own father rejects her.

I reach for my phone just as it starts ringing, an unknown number flashes up at me and I frown in confusion.

"Hello Esmeralda Gold speaking" automatically I go into business mode, who knows this could be a new client calling. Business is low at the moment so all new clients are welcome clients.

"Esmee it's me, are you okay?" Christian? Why is Christian ringing me? Oh wait the email! Maybe he's decided to attend tonight, oh this is great! Tori will be so excited, she'll be sarcastic but I know deep down she'll be happy about her dad attending alongside me.

"I'm fine Christian, I'm so glad you've changed your mind on tonight. It'll mean so much to Tori" I stare at my reflection, mentally checking that I look presentable. If I'm going to be seen with The Christian Grey I need to make sure I look perfect for him.

"What the hell are you talking about?" he sounds angry , what have I done now? That man can never be happy can he , not unless he's around his little wife Anastasia , I don't know what it is about her but I can just see her being trouble between Christian and Tori , she may seem kind and welcoming but there's a fireyness to her that I saw when we meet , a sense of protectiveness over what belongs to her. Well Missy your husband is my daughters father whether you like it or not , well at least I think he is , no he is. He must be , I mean he must be , there was no one else. Okay there was Ethan but he was a one night stand in a club , there is no way , and I mean no way , that Ethan could belong to Tori. I can't even remember Ethan's second name. Karanah or something like that.

Anyway it doesn't matter because I am 100 per cent sure its Christian who is the father … well 85 per cent.


	17. Aftermath part 2

**Hellooo :)**

**Okay it's now 1.44 in the morning and I am still writing for you guys hehe I sincerely hope you appreciate these next few chapters haha , oh who am I kidding I love writing for you lovely lot. Your reviews make me smile so much my cheeks end up actually hurting hehe**

**In regards to this chapter I have to warn you all that you may end up not liking our Mr Grey but you must remember he is not use to situations where he is not in control and when he is out of control he can take it out on others , especially his wife. **

**But do not worry they are not breaking up , not now not ever. But that doesn't mean they are living a fairy tale , this is a drama story after all hehe**

**Hope you enjoy , chapter 18 is on its way **

**Alexandra xxxx**

* * *

**Ana's POV**

I'm sat next to Christian in the SUV as Taylor speeds through Seattle towards Esmee's apartment , checking my watch I notice its almost 9 o clock at night. Where has the day gone? Had it really only been last night that Jose had gone all psycho knife-barer on me? It feels longer, what with the drama that's occurred since.

Christian and I spent the whole day with Elena , talking about everything from her past behaviour and Leila's apparently successful treatment. Although the fact we're now going 120 miles per hour down the interstate because she's kidnapped Tori makes me think she's still slightly fucked up , or is it now considered mentally sane to kidnap children? Something tells me her treatment perhaps wasn't as successful as Elena taught.

Elena . Even thinking about her makes me guilty. She's been so nice since last night , constantly checking on me and asking if I needed anything , which drove Christian mental considering he thinks it's his job and his job only to take care of me. It's strange but for some reason I really do believe she's regretful of her past actions , I mean who stays and protects someone when they have a gun to their head unless they truly care for the person , she could have easily have just left me with Jose. I don't even want to think about what could have happened if she hadn't intervened. Speaking of which I need to ring Jose and give him a piece of my mind , if he thinks I am going to forgive and forget he is horribly wrong. I hesitantly reach for my phone in my bag , which is on the arm rest between me and Christian , he hasn't spoken or looked at me since we got in the car , just stares at his phone waiting for Esmee's call. We've called twelve times but have had no answer and it's driving my control freak up the wall with anger , every so often he grumbles and tightens his fist , a clear sigh of his pent up aggression and exasperation.

"Anastasia what are you doing?" he doesn't look at me when he speaks , his grey eyes still locked on his phone . I snap my hand away from my bag and place them both on my bump , smiling innocently at him , although I know he won't look at me , not until she calls him anyway.

"Nothing , I was just going to check to see if Esmee had rung me" I pepper my voice with sweetness , hoping it will help simmer down his anger.

"Why would she ring you. Tori is my daughter not yours" OUCH! Fuck that hurt!

"Christian…" I try to finish my sentence but he turns his head and shuts me up with his eyes , daring me to defy his unspoken command to keep silent.

"Yes Ana?" there's a mocking tone to his normally soft and kind voice , daring me , taunting me. I know that if I speak he'll have an excuse to vent his current anger on me , give him an excuse to use me as a verbal punching bag. His eyes are my warning. I take the hint and close my mouth and resume my looking out the window pose. The perfect submissive wife , that's who I will be today.

"Sir we're nearly there , would you like me to go in first" Taylor's eyes meet Christians through the rear view mirror , glancing back to the road a few times but mainly waiting for instructions.

"No Taylor. I want you to drop me off and then get Mrs Grey out of here as quickly as you can. Take her to Escala and make sure she doesn't leave. Understand?" I hate it when he talks about me when I'm sat right next to him , it makes me feel like a child.

"Christian I" once again his eyes shut me up and I clamp my mouth closed quickly.

"Understand Taylor" and Ana. It's unsaid but I know it's also directed at me. I nod softly and look down at my lap , begging myself not to cry again.

"Yes sir. Have you had any contact from Miss Gold yet?" Christian checks his phone and grumbles with frustration.

"No! Damm her why won't she call!" I look over and notice its actually Taylor's phone he's holding , where's his phone?

"Christian why aren't you calling her from your phone?" he looks over at me and scowls.

"What are you talking about Ana? This is my phone. Now hush up will you" he snaps angrily at me before resuming his deep stare at the phones black screen. Although I know I'm right , Christian's phone has a small heart sticker that I put on when we got married , its tiny but I know it's there. However on the phone he's holding now its missing. Taking a breath I quickly grab my own phone , noticing Christian's eyes snap over at me , I ignore him and press in his number.

The phone in his hand doesn't ring.

"Fuck! Taylor did you know about this?" Taylor looks over at us through the mirror once more.

"No sir , I have two phones. One for business and one for my personal use. That must be my personal one, when I noticed it was missing I just assumed I'd left it with Gail. I'm sorry Mr Grey"

"Then where the hell is my phone! I NEED THAT PHONE TAYLOR" I wince at the malice in Christian's voice and instantly feel sorry for Taylor. Perhaps Christian's phone's been stolen , after all its impossible he'd let himself lose something as precious to him as his phone. That only leaves theft surely. Then it hits me.

"Leila" Christian and Taylor's eyes lock on me.

"What about her?" I gulp and look at my phone , trying to think about the logic to my accusation

"I think that's how she knows about Tori. You left your jacket in the living room when we went into the kitchen right?" he nods so I carry on "what if she took your phone and saw Esmee's emails. Put two and two together and decided that was the best way to get your attention" I can see the clogs in his intelligent brain thinking my theory through , his eyes closing when he realises the possibility of it all.

"But that doesn't explain how I had Taylor's personal phone in my jacket instead of mine" I nod and keep thinking.

"When did you notice your phone was missing Taylor?" he keeps driving but his speed has decreased while he thinks back.

"Um I guess when I was checking through Mrs Lincon's apartment , I put my jacket down for a second to check her attic while you and Mr Grey were with Mrs Lincon but there's no way Miss Williams would have stolen from me without me noticing Mrs Grey , no way" I smile at his forceful voice.

"She's quick and quiet Taylor , look at the time she got into the apartment while I was sleeping , she was as quiet as a mouse. I'm afraid it is completely possible" Taylor's speed increases once more , I think this trip just became personal to our bodyguard.

"Shit! This is not what we need right now! If Leila has my phone she has access to everything. Grey House, Escala , even the house. All the access codes are stored on that phone" a deep fear has filled my husband's eyes making me desperately want to reach out and hold him , but I resist , he's closed off at the moment.

"Sir we need to speak with Miss Gold" Taylor's voice is angrier than usual , it's clear the fact Leila has out smarted him has annoyed him tremendously.

"Ana give me your phone" I hesitate , I don't like the idea of him calling her with my phone , it just feels wrong. His eyes narrow at me and I give in , turning to look out the window just as he puts the phone to his ear.

"Esmee it's me , are you okay?"

His eyes are glazed over , deep in thought as he listens to his little Esmeralda's voice. I feel sick again. Tapping Taylors shoulder I gently whisper if he can slow down a little , the speed is seriously not helping my nausea , he does with a soft understanding smile , I nod my thanks and slip back into my seat. Christian doesn't even notice my unease , making my heart sink desperately.

"What the hell are you talking about?" I'm too tired to even care and instead focus on the Seattle skyline rushing by as we carrying on speeding across the hard tarmac. Taylor slams on his breaks suddenly as we come to a red light and I fly forward in my seat , my seatbelt practically crushing my chest causing me to yelp out in pure pain.

"Ana I'm so sorry are you okay? Do you need me to pull over?" I rub the sore part of my chest and shake my head softly at Taylor , noticing the fear in his eyes. Is he scared because Christian will be angry that I got hurt or that we have had to stop driving , therefore stopping us from reaching his precious Esmeralda and Tori. I glance over and see Christian lost in his phone call , he hasn't even noticed my yelp!

"Christian?" for some reason I desperately want him to fuss over me , like he did when he came to get me from Elena's. I usually hate his protectiveness but now that he's not caring I want nothing more than for him to hold me close to him once again. Seems both my heart and my chest are going to be hurting today.

The light turns green but Taylor doesn't pull away , he's still swivelled in his seat but instead of staring at me his eyes are locked on Christian , a look of pure disappointment on his hard but comforting face.

"Mr Grey…" Taylor starts to talk but Christian cuts him off with a death glance , holding his hand over the phone.

"Drive the fucking car Taylor" Taylor shoots me an apologetic look before swivelling back and pulling away from the lights at a deadly speed , throwing me back against the seat. I sit back up and turn towards my husband , his handsome profile makes me smile slightly , he really is criminally good looking. He's still on the phone , god knows what that women is talking about but she's taking her time saying it , and reach over to take his hand , desperate to feel his touch against my skin , no matter how small I want to feel him.

"Ana leave it" his whisper knocks the breath out of my lungs and I can't help but gulp back the sickness that's suddenly creeping up my throat. I take his hand forceful and hold it close , he's mine!

"Baby please.." within seconds his hand is over the phone once more and he's taking my hand off his , throwing it back on my lap.

"I said leave it Anastasia! Will you please do what you are fucking told for once in your fucking life!" No! He doesn't talk to me like that , never ever. He talks like to other people , people who he controls , employees and staff , not me. I'm his wife!

"Christian!" I shout back and instantly regret it , his eyes are so dark , so angry. And the anger is completely directed at me.

"Anastasia I mean it. Not now! Taylor how long till we arrive?" Taylor , who has been listening with a disgusted expression , holds up 4 fingers indicating a 4 minuet arrival time. Christian is back on the phone but his voice isn't harsh like it was when talking to me , no instead he's voice is like melting chocolate.

"I'm on my way Esmee , hold on for me okay? We will find her , I promise"

And with those sixteen words my heart breaks for the millionth time.


	18. Aftermath part 3

**Hiya all :)**

**I told you I'd update again before Monday hehe **

**I have some very exciting news for you all … ready?**

**YOU DECIDE WETHER TORI WILL BE CHRISTIANS OR NOT!**

**Yep you read right, I am fully putting this major plot line in you, the readers, hands.**

**As of last night there has been a poll opened, which you can access through my profile, with two options. Yes and No. If you vote yes then tori will be Christians. If you vote no then another man will come forth as the father of little miss Victoria, not saying who he may be. **

**The aftermath section is in 5 parts , 3 of which have now been posted. Part 4 will be posted next Thursday at the latest.**

**And then on the 12****th**** of January I will close the poll and write up the 5 instalment of the aftermath. Revealing a DNA test result hehe**

**So once you've read this chapter think hard about your choice and go vote. It's down to you what happening so if you really don't want him to be the dad go make it happens. **

**In regards to this chapter , give Christian a little bit of slack , he's scared and unsure of the situation he's found himself in . He doesn't know the right way to respond to everything so he instantly goes on the defence. He's still that miss-matched mal-nourished child underneath his CEO persona and this chapter shows his uncontrollable fear. **

**Now I'm going back to my feminism essay , fun fun fun hehe **

**Alexandra xxxxx**

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**Christians POV**

Taylor isn't driving fast enough; we need to get to Esmee's now not in 10 bloody minuets! How can it be that things had been so good , all the drama was getting sorted out , and now all hells broken loose and I am helpless to controlling any of it! I can't cope with this, it's completely unnatural to me and I am finding my temper control cracking at the seams, especially around my smart mouthed wife. God how she irritates me when she disobeys my orders , so much could be avoided if she just stayed with me twenty four seven. But I don't want a submissive , I want Ana , and that means putting up with her stubborn independence _who are you kidding Grey you love her for disobeying you _I knock my subconscious out of my head , although they do have a point. Screw my subconscious.

Who am I kidding though? I love my Ana; I love everything about her because she is so not what I use to think I wanted. She's beguiling and innocent but yet she has such a fire within her, a deep passionate light that I just can't stop myself running towards. I long to hold her, be with her , burry myself deep inside her for hours on end , just to have that connection with her , a connection that only she and I can share. She is my other half, the ying to my yang. My whole fucking existence is Ana.

But sometimes even she pushes me too far. Today is one of those days. Truth be told I know I need to get a DNA test for Victoria and the more I push it from my mind the stronger my doubt becomes about the whole messy situation. Hearing Elena shout at me about my stupid behaviour towards Victoria was hard enough but having Ana get upset earlier as well was the tipping point , I will not have my abusive ex and my wife ganging up on me about something that is mine and Esmeralda's business. However much I love Ana she doesn't need to be so involved , she's causing herself and our unborn baby far too much stress and it's just silly for her to demand to be a part of this.

Speaking of Esmeralda when the hell is she going to ring me back! If Leila has Victoria we need to work out a plan of tracking her A.S.A.P! Now is not the time to ignore my fucking calls! Its official, women cause the most stress, the world of business is a walk in the fucking park compared to women!

Out of the corner of my eye I notice Ana reaching for her bag, what is she up too? The last thing I need is her ringing Kate and telling her everything, especially if Kate tells Elliott, Jesus that would cause fucking Armageddon in my family. No I can't let Ana ring anyone, this information keeps top secret, no discussion.

"Anastasia, what are you doing?" I think I see a text come in on my phone and I keep my attention locked on the phone, something deep inside me feels wrong, something is very very wrong and I desperately need to stop it before people get hurt. I notice her hands move away from the bag and rest on her beautiful baby bump, how much I love that unborn baby of ours.

"Nothing, I was just going to check to see if Esmee had rung me" see what I mean! Getting involved when she shouldn't, if Leila has Victoria that means she's on a mission to hurt me, and that means hurting the people I love the most. I love no one more than I love Ana, if she gets hurt a part of me dies. She has to stay away! This is not her battle!

"Why would she ring you? Tori is my daughter , not yours" Shit maybe that was a bit harsh , once again I see life in the phone and I beg it to tell me something , anything! Nothing but a black fucking screen looks back at me and I growl in frustration.

"Christian…" No that's her 'I have a point to make' voice. I don't have time to have a fucking argument with her about this; there are other things on my mind. Like for example how I am going to keep her away from Leila, that's the most important thing to me right now. Yes I'm being harsh but I have to think and she's distracting me. I turn on my most impressive smirk and lock my eyes with hers, deep grey to scorching blue. _Go on baby, try and defy me again, I dare you. _God how I want to fuck her in this car!

"Yes Ana?" there's a charge of energy between us but I don't think she can feel it, I've frightened her, I'm scared my own bloody wife. How much of a dick can I be today? She gulps and turns towards the window, the perfect image of obedience, it sickens my soul to know I made her do that. I'm just about to reach out for her when Taylors no nonsense voice rings out from the driver's seat.

"Sir we're nearly there, would you like me to go in first?" if both Taylor and I leave the car Ana will follow, throwing herself right into the pit of danger. What if Leila is still at the house, the second Ana enters she'd be at risk! I cannot let her get hurt; I will not let her be hurt again. The only problem is I think I'm going to hurt her more by protecting, I'll just have to hope she understands when I explain later on. Act first, explain later.

"No Taylor. I want you to drop me off and then get Mrs Grey out of here as quickly as you can. Take her to Escala and make sure she doesn't leave. Understand?" I can see Ana scowling at me and can't help but smile at her unbearable cuteness, how I wish I could just kiss away her worry. But that definitely send the wrong message, no I need her angry because then she will sulk and sulking means staying safe locked inside Escala. When I find Victoria and deal with Leila I'll explain everything and we can properly make up, something I am literally counting down the seconds for. I need to be inside her!

"Christian…" I tell her no with my eyes and she clamps her mouth shut instantly, sending a kick of pleasure right to my groin, fuck she's so hot. Controlling her like this is insanely arousing.

"Understand Taylor?" Do as your told baby, you'll get rewarded later I promise. She nods softly and bows her head, so obedient. What's made her act this way all of a sudden?

Then I see the glaze in her eyes. No! Fuck no I've made her cry! What the hell is wrong with me? I can't keep doing this to her, it's wrong. So fucking wrong of me! Once again I have to fight the urge to take her in my arms and hold her close because Taylor is talking.

"Yes sir. Have you had any contact from Miss Gold yet?" I draw my attention away from Ana's subdued face and check my phone. Nothing! What the hell is Esmee playing at! She has my email address and now my number! She should be ringing me back! Its basic fucking manners!

"No! Damm her why won't she call!" my breathing is so erratic I feel like I'm going to pass out with anger. This is just not fucking acceptable! I need to know what it is going on so I can get control. I need to control this! She's my fucking daughter for God sake; she needs me to help her! Images of mine and Ana's unborn baby in trouble stab my heart and I have to fight back my aggression. No child of mine will be hurt while I'm alive. I will find her, I just have too.

"Christian why are you calling her from Taylor's phone?" I snap my head round and narrow my eyes at her.

"What are you talking about Ana? This is my phone. Now hush up will you?" I turn my attention back at the phone, willing it to ring. RING YOU BASTERD!

I hear her hitch of breath and dart my eyes over , trying to stop her but failing she grabs her phone and punches in a number , holding it up she shows how she's ringing me. The phone in my hand however still has its blacked out screen. Fuck she's right!

"Fuck! Taylor did you know about this?" I glare at him through the rear-view mirror and spot his genuinely confused expression, he wouldn't lie to me.

"No sir, I have two phones. One for business and one for my personal use. That must be my personal one, when I noticed it was missing I just assumed I'd left it with Gail. I'm sorry Mr Grey"

"Then where the hell is my phone! I NEED THAT PHONE TAYLOR!" this is fucking terrible, of all the things to go missing my phone is probably the most dangerous. The information that small little device holds is terrifying, my entire life is on that fucking thing! How could I have been so stupid to let myself lose it, I never leave it anywhere, it's always in my jacket pocket! ALWAYS!

"Leila" Ana's voice is barely a whisper next to me put for some reason I hear her as clear as day. One word, one single fucking name and it penetrates deep in my stomach instantly making me feel sick.

"What about her?" I see her gulp and stare at the phone in my hand, as if she's battling with herself.

She tells me about her theory on Leila acquiring my phone when we were with Elena , the one time I leave my jacket and phone unattended a pshyco ex sub steals from me , fucking murphy's law I think that's called. The annoying thing is that when you eliminate the possible the impossible seems highly probable, good old Sherlock Holmes, and it is extremely probable for Leila to steal my phone. Shit! Things just went from bad to fucking catastrophic.

"But that doesn't explain how I had Taylor's personal phone in my jacket instead of mine" note to self get a phone that isn't the same as my body guards.

She goes on asking about how Taylor came to realise the loss of his phone, listening to her theory I can't but admire her intelligence. My lovely wife never stops impressing me, and I can't seem to stop making her cry. Uh why is everything so fucking dramatic at the moment? It's driving me mental.

"Shit this is not what we need right now! If Leila has my phone she has access to everything. Grey House, Escala, even the house. All the access codes are stored on that phone" no! Ana! I can't protect her; I can't lock her away because the person I am trying to protect her from has all the codes. No! This can't be happening!

"Sir we need to speak with Miss Gold" Taylors voice is angry , I think he's pissed that he was out smarted by a young girl , but then Leila isn't herself at the moment , she's a heartbroken desperate shell of her old self.

"Ana give me your phone" I hold out my hand but she hesitates and I raise an eyebrow at her, it's just a bloody phone call for god sake, what's her bloody problem. I snatch the phone away and punch in Esmee's number, she picks up instantly.

"Hello Esmeralda Gold speaking" she sounds so confused, obviously not use to having unknown numbers ringing her. Her formal tone makes me smile a little but I hide it in case Ana notices, thankfully she's once again staring out the window at the blurry images rushing past us.

"Esmee it's me, are you okay?" I can't help the panic that comes out in my voice, although I feel nothing for Esmee she is Tori's mother. Not just that but as my first ever real sub she was a pivotal part of my life, not that I'd ever say that to Ana, it'd break her heart.

"I'm fine Christian, I'm so glad you've changed your mind on tonight. It'll mean so much to Tori" I listen careful, hoping to hear her laugh and tell me she's making some sort of sick joke. She can't honestly think it's funny to joke about Tori's parents evening when we suspect she's been kidnapped! Something's wrong, something's happened to Esmeralda, I can just feel it. Panic kicks my stomach once more as I lose even more control, making my anger spike dangerously.

Is it me or are we driving slower?

"What the hell are you talking about?" Esmee starts to talk and her emotion filled speech breaks my heart.

"Her parents evening Christian. Look I know I should have told you I was pregnant but I was scared , scared you'd make me get rid of the baby and I just couldn't have done that , not at such a young age. It would have haunted me my entire life, yes having a daughter at 21 was hard but I love Victoria, she is my life, my shining little light at the end of every horrible day. My parents didn't approve and when they found out they disowned me, I pretended for years that Tori belonged to another man in the hopes he would accept her but in the end the truth came out and like everyone else he left me. She is the only person who hasn't ever left me and today it's her parents evening and I want you there. So please make sure you arrive at the school address I gave you in …" her voice trails off and I can imagine her realising the time. Memory loss, she's obviously forgotten the kidnap. Oh my poor Esmeralda, no mother, no parent, should have to go through the horror of losing their child.

I vaguely register the car slamming to a halt and a small yelp coming from somewhere but all I can truly hear is Esmee's confused mutterings, her memory is returning, she's remembering everything, and she's all alone through it. My heart is with her in so many ways.

"That woman, Christian there was a woman here, I remember her, she was at my door, she knew, she knew about us. How could she know about us? She knew about Tori. No Tori!" her scream hits me like a ton of bricks and I close my eyes, feeling every single ounce of her pain "she took her! She took my baby!" then there's just sobs, the sobs of a mother without her baby.

"Christian?" Ana's voice washes over me as I hear Esmee calling out for Tori, I can imagine her running from room to room desperately searching for her most precious treasure.

"Mr Grey…" Taylor's voice is clear in my ear and I have to fight the urge to hit him, how dare he interrupt this phone call. I look up at him and cover the phone with my hand so Esmee doesn't hear.

"Drive the fucking car Taylor" I need to go help her, this is my fault. I brought Leila into hers and Tori's life. It is my responsibility to fix this.

I listen more as Esmee starts telling me about Tori's childhood, telling me all about how beautiful she was as a baby and how everyone told her she had the world's cutest baby girl. Suddenly I feel something on my hand and I pull it away.

"Ana leave it" I whisper harshly, feeling sick that Ana is sat next to be with my baby in her stomach and yet on the phone a woman has lost their baby. A baby who also belongs to me. I've lost one of my babies.

"Baby please…" her use of the word baby makes me shudder inside. These are unknown feelings to me; this is why I didn't want to become a parent so quickly! I don't know what feeling is the right one and what ones to hold back on. I'm scared and confused all at the same time. Anastasia is not helping me right now! She's making this harder because she's going to make me be a father all over again! I can't be a father! I DON'T WANT TO BE A FATHER ANYMORE!

"I said leave it Anastasia! Will you please do what you are fucking told for once in your fucking life" like when I say don't get pregnant I mean don't get fucking pregnant!

"Christian!" her feisty rage fights back but I shoot her down with a look of pure disappointment; I will deal with her once Victoria is returned to Esmeralda.

"Anastasia I mean it. Not now! Taylor how long till we arrive?" Taylor doesn't even speak but instead raises four fingers indicating a 4 minuet arrival time , seems he too is pissed off at me , well I don't fucking care , I sign his pay cheque so he will do as I say. Taking down my anger I put the phone back to my ear, stunned to hear Esmee's strangled sobs.

"If she dies I'll die as well Christian. Bring me back my baby please" I fight my own tears and take a deep breath.

"I'm on my way Esmee, hold on for me okay? We will find her, I promise"

And I will find her. I'll be a good farther to my unwanted daughter. Victoria Louisa Gold, Daddy's coming.

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**Remember to vote! **


	19. Aftermath part 4

**Hello hello hello my amazing , fantastic , super doper , dazzling readers , **

**I know i've been acting terribly lately and I am extremely sorry for the ridiculous delay for an update.**

**Please know that things at home have been rather difficult recently which has caused a huge wave of writers block. But that is over and I am back , well as back as I can be with it being exam time hehe**

**Here is Aftermath part 4 – no DNA yet but don't you worry its on the way. **

**Also my apologise to anyone who gets annoyed because of this chapter but I need to stir up the drama after my long absence. **

**As always I love your reviews and look forward to hearing what you all think.**

**Alexandra xxxx**

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**Leila's POV**

I stare at Christian's phone, watching it light up with her number. Anastasia. Such a sickening name, a name I have come to despise so greatly I don't think it's possible for me to hate it more. Everything about that name just makes me feel sick with pure anger.

I can vaguely hear my own phone buzzing next to me but I ignore it, it's probably just Aunt Elena asking me to go back to hers so she can 'help me'. All she does is make me take pills and go to work , apparently the pills will help me forget but I can't forget , I refuse to forget my love for my master. How can I forget him when he is meant to be with me, he's always been mine but he just doesn't know it, but he will. I will make him realise how perfect I am for him , I can do as I'm told , I can be obedient , but most of all I can rid him of the people who are out to hurt him.

Starting with Miss Esmeralda Gold and her bastard daughter.

Daughter, son, husband, wife, I want that life and yet I'm alone. Am I a bad person because I want to be loved? No, I don't think I am. Christian can make me happy and I know I can make him happy as well, surely that means what I'm doing is right? I'm trying to make him happy and yet all he does is push me further away.

Well not this time, no this time he will be mine and little Miss Anastasia will watch alone while he makes his choice. I will make her feel the pain I felt, the pain I am still living with. I will have my revenge, even if it kills me.

**Ding, ding, ding **

The timer wakes me from my daze and I stand, throwing the phone down on the table where it hits the wood with a crash, and make my way towards the basement.

9pm. Time to put Victoria Gold to sleep.

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**Anastasia's POV**

There are lots of positives about being 7 months pregnant , one being its only 2 and a bit months till I meet my precious little Blip , however one of the biggest negatives about being 7 months pregnant is it stops me running , instead I have to do this weird waddle/hop thing. Which according to my husband is just not a fast enough mode of travelling, a fact he has been yelling at me since we got out the car ten minutes ago.

"Anastasia! Will you please hurry up!" I try to speed up but my bump stops me from seeing the floor and I trip on a rock, hurtling to the floor at a daunting speed "CHRISTIAN!" I call out in the hopes he'll turn round and help me but he's too far ahead, he can't hear me. I brace myself for the impact but suddenly I'm being caught and held against someone's chest, my eyes are clamped shut as tears of fear rush down my cheeks. Just the thought of Blip being hurt because of my clumsiness makes me feel sick, not to mention the fact Christian hasn't even looked back to make sure I'm okay. You'd think he didn't care about our baby at all.

Wait.

Does he care? Is that what all this is? His way of showing me he doesn't want this baby?

"Ana? Ana are you okay?" Sawyer's voice breaks my inner thoughts and I look up, so that's who caught me. I nod and he lets go of me, however his arm stays on my shoulder reassuringly.

"I'm fine, thank you for catching me Sawyer. I've always been clumsy, I guess the dark and the speed I was going was just asking for trouble" I giggle softly in an attempt to lighten the mood but it's obvious Sawyer is fuming. Come to think of it was Sawyer even on duty tonight? I swear it was just Taylor in the car with us when we pulled up outside Esmee's apartment building, guess he got called in by Taylor earlier on.

"Are you sure? The baby, is the baby okay?" his eyes scan mine and I'm taken aback by how worried he is. Over the years I have really come to trust Sawyer, perhaps even more than I trust Taylor, but then I guess that was bound to happened because Sawyer is with me every second of every day, you could say I spend more time with him than I do my own husband, especially now when Christian is so preoccupied by the Esmeralda saga.

"The baby's fine Luke, I swear everything is fine. Where are Christian and Taylor?" I notice the worry in his eyes vanish and get replaced by a deep relief, I never expected him to care so much. Anyway it doesn't matter right now, what does matter is finding my husband.

"They've gone up to Miss Gold's apartment , I advise you stay here Ana , Leila could still be in the apartment and sending you up there as well could be seriously dangerous" I glance up at the tall but slightly boring looking apartment block , it's nothing compared to Escala that's for sure.

"No I want to go up Luke, I have too" he sighs in frustration but gives in.

"Fine but make sure you stay behind me and if I say run Ana, I mean run as fast you can, understand?" his pale green eyes are locked on mine and I nod silently.

"Let's go then" Sawyer glances around three times before entering a code into the keypad , something he must have got from Taylor who I know has built an entire profile on Esmee's apartment building , enters the building and heads straight for the elevator. I follow silently; too scared to even breathe in case I make too much noise.

We enter the elevator and Sawyer presses the button for Esmee's floor, the lift comes to life and we ride up silently. My heart beat has never been so quick; it's practically beating out of my chest. I didn't know it was possible to feel this sick, if it wasn't for Sawyer standing next to me I am pretty sure my dinner would be making an appearance on the shiny wood floor of this elevator.

"Ana?" Sawyer's voice filters through my foggy mind and I turn my head slightly so he can see I'm listening.

"I have to see this Luke" I know why he's hesitant to let me into Esmee's apartment. Christian and Esmee are together through this tragedy, Victoria is their daughter, and little Blip and I will have to watch on the outskirts. Sawyer knows how hard this is going to be for me and he wants me to turn away, to go on as if this isn't happening but he doesn't understand that in doing that I will only be hurting myself more.

So when we reach the door to apartment 32 I am the one who takes the key from Sawyers pocket and with a heavy breath it is me who opens the door.

I wasn't ready for what I saw.

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**Christian's POV**

Being scared is new to me, as new as falling in love was.

That's where all comparison stops. Falling in love made me happy and still makes me happy. Being scared however is killing me , physically and emotionally , I can't feel anything and yet I feel sick , my body and mind feel separated , as if my body is moving without any direction from my brain , my brain is dead with fear.

My daughter, my poor sweet little daughter, has been kidnapped because of my sick past. This is my fault. The guilt is so harsh on my heart that I can physically feel my entire body straining to keep together, while inside my soul is practically dying. I am to blame; it's me who has caused all this pain.

The car turns onto Esmee's street and within seconds we are pulling up outside her building , I notice how small it is compared to Escala , the walls are a bare red brick and simple black windows. No life, no colour, it looks boring and lifeless. I note to myself to arrange a more expensive , Victoria deserves to grow up in splendour , that's why I work as hard as I do , to make the best possible life for my family.

Speaking of family, what the hell does Ana think she's doing walking so bloody slow! We need to get to Esmee; I need to be there for her.

"Anastasia! Will you please hurry up?!" I don't bother turning round to talk to her, my voice is loud enough for her to hear me, I don't have the time to stop and lecture her. I notice a brunette women entering Esmee's building and my heart plummets. Leila, she's going to kill Esmee. Shooting a panicked glance at Taylor I notice he's spotted the woman as well but doesn't know whether he should pursue her , after all it could just be my panicked mind playing tricks on me. I nod approval and within seconds Taylor is off down the sidewalk towards the building's boring looking entrance, his right hand poised over his gun.

"CHRISTIAN" Ana's scream of my name makes me stop, but only for a few seconds. Esmee! Staring at the high rise building I spot her scared face in a third storey window. She's searching for me. Without a second thought I take off towards the entrance, passing Taylor and the mystery brunette, and storm up the stairs two at a time.

I reach apartment 32 and recklessly bash my fist against the thin wood door, this place is falling apart at the seams. The hallway is dead and lifeless, pale grey walls with wood panelling matched with dirty wood flooring, the only light supplied by a cheap looking lampshade and a low lit wall light. Anger spikes through me and I take it out on the door, smashing my fist so hard against the wood that I hear the splinters cracking slightly. If only Esmee had told me about Victoria earlier, I could have helped them, done what is right for them! If I'm her father she should have the best, not be growing up in Seattle's lowest slum building. This is wrong, so wrong.

The door opens slowly, revealing a broken woman, a beautiful broken woman. I reach out and let her go into my arms, her tears soaking my shoulder as her small body shudders in sorrow.

"Shhh Esmeralda, we will find our daughter, hush now please" cautiously I rub my hand over her back; the smoothness of her skin hasn't changed, still so soft. Her head moves up slowly and those eyes meet mine , deep sea green meeting silk grey , but they aren't full of life like they use to be , instead they are lost , searching for a clue as to where her child might be , they are desperate eyes of a desperate , desolate , woman.

"I just want her home Christian, I need her here. I can't sleep or eat or think, I'm dead without her here" her voice is a low whisper, catching with her sobs as she tightens her hold on me. There was once a time I would have punished her for touching me like this but now things are different, she isn't just a woman she's the mother of my child, my only child. She is allowed to be close to me, I want her close to me. She sneezes through her tears, making her stand back slightly, her head bowed as she rubs her nose. It's a submissive stance and makes my head spin with a deep dark desire; I push it away and step into the apartment, closing the door behind me.

"What about your body guard?" she stands back out of my arms and I quickly scan her appearance, searching for any bruises of cuts which might give me an idea as to what happened. She's wearing a short figure hugging black dress , her hair is lose around her shoulders , overall she's beautiful and immaculate. It's only when you see the mascara marks down her cheeks and the puffiness under her eyes that gives away her distraught emotions. I also noticed a darkening around her neck; the sight makes me feel physically sick. I follow her through a small hallway, decorated with numerous pictures of Esmee and Tori as well as single shots of Tori at school, towards a large open planned kitchen/living room space.

"He'll be in soon , he's probably securing the building" her eyes shine with panic and I reach out to hold her hand in reassurance "it's just a precaution Esmee , there's no need to panic anymore , you're safe" her smile looks genuine but by the way she moves her hand away its clear she doesn't believe me.

"I'll only be safe when Tori is back in my arms, until then I can't relax" I nod slowly and watch her walk towards the kitchen, her hand running through her hair, a clear sign of fear and stress. I watch her movements, remembering the way we use to be when we were together, and such happy memories, well as happy as they could be. She always knew what I needed, whether it be her obedience or just her company. God the amount of hours I use to spend just staring at her picture , staring into those deep sea green eyes use to instantly calm my stress , the way they use to cloud over during our sessions , completely and utterly giving herself to me.

"Christian? Are you okay?" Esmee's voice knocks me out of my daydream and I have to shake my head slightly to kill my stray thoughts, especially when my daydreams seem to have a lot to do with Esmee and not my beautiful wife. Actually come to think of it where is my wife, she was supposed to stay right behind me. The fact she's not doing as she's told sends anger spikes through me. What if she gets hurt! I haven't got time to look after her as well.

"I'm fine" I run my hand through my hair , startling slightly when I hear Esmee's soft giggle from the kitchen , I glance over to see her pouring two glasses of crisp white wine "is that wise? And what the hell are you giggling at?"

"Wine's always wise, isn't that what your use to say when you were stressed?" I try to hide my smile but it's impossible and instead take the offered wine glass and run my hand through my hair as I sit , once again Esmee's giggle fills the small kitchenette area , the sound has a sweetness to it , it's then that I realise I've never heard her giggle around me. The thought pains me.

"Seriously stop laughing , what could be so funny at a time like this" I gulp down my wine without even thinking , my head is spinning making me act differently and I'm hating every single second , although not hating the seconds I'm spending with Esmee.

"I'm sorry it's just…" her voice trails off as she takes a long sip of her wine, pausing slightly, then tossing the entire glass back with a flourish.

"Just what?" I grab the bottle just as I see her hand reaching for it and shake my head softly , we both need our wits about us if we're going to track Leila down. Esmee's eyes lock on mine and the softness of her smile makes me smile back.

"You still do the hair thing, I always loved watching you do it" she blushes and purses her lips cutely, clearly embarrassed at bringing up our past. My heart warms for her.

"What hair thing?" she looks up and suddenly bursts into laughter, her eyes brimming with a strange mix of relief and happiness.

"You're doing it right now" it's then that I notice my hand running through my hair, an unconscious movement which now has us both laughing like teenagers. Its only when Taylor clears his throat that we stop , that's when I notice the beautiful woman stood behind him. My Ana.

And she's crying.

* * *

**Anastasia's POV**

My hand hangs in free fall as Esmee's door is opened , the key in my hand inches from the lock.

"Taylor?" Taylor stands in front of me , his eyes are emotionless but his stance tells me something is wrong. Where's Christian? And why do I suddenly feel like running all the way home and hiding under my duvet?

"Mrs Grey. I advise you stay away from the apartment , it's too dangerous you being here" I try to step into the doorway but Taylor's body blocks the small space , I can sense Sawyer behind me and turn to flash him a small smile , the last thing I need is a showdown between mine and Christian's bodyguards.

"Taylor move aside" I've never spoken to Taylor in such a formal manner but something's off , he's hiding something from me , and it's probably got something to do with whatever's going on in Esmee's apartment.

"Mrs Grey I can't let you in , I'm sorry but I will not budge" once again I can feel Sawyer stiffening behind me , even he can tell that something is wrong. I need to find out what the hell Taylor is hiding me from. A thousand and one bad case senarios rush through my head , images of my husband and Esmee together causing me to feel shaky and weak.

"Taylor please , I know your hiding something from me. What's going on?" his eyes shift slightly and my voices catches , my worst fears have just been confirmed "let me in!"

"Ana I can't. Please understand that this is my job" gone is the emotionless eyes , instead Taylor is showing so much anguish and desperation I almost feel sorry for him , almost.

"And this is my life , my marriage. I know you work for Christian but I'm married to him Taylor , that makes you my employee as well , now I don't want to be the one to tell Gail that you've been fired but if you don't let me in we will have a problem , do us both a favour Jason and let me in!" I vaguely notice Saywer's hand on my shoulder , steadying me as my emotions play havoc with my balance. Taylor's shoulders sag , his head hanging low as he steps to the side.

"Don't say I didn't warn you Ana" I nod slowly as he leads me down the hallway , Esmee's giggles are audible and I shudder at the fact she's so happy when I'm feeling so low. Then I hear Christian's melodic laugh , so heartfelt and warm , it's a sound I've missed tremendously. Suddenly my eyes are tearing up and my shoulders start shaking , shackled with deep sorrow I carry on following Taylor.


	20. Aftermath part 5

**Hello for the second time this evening to you my wonderful readers :) **

**Firstly can I just say wow. Wow to the huge amount of reviews chapter 19 got and wow to some to the passionate way you have responded to this story. It's amazing to see that my writing has been having such an effect on people , both good and bad it would seem. **

**Secondly I want to apologise to anyone who isn't happy with how this story is going but this is how my mind is working at the moment . I never planned for any of what's happened to happen when I started writing , it's been a working process the entire time and I'm sorry if you had other views on where you want this to go. **

**I do hope you are enjoying the drama though , as I never said this would be a happy storyline. **

**In regards to our lovely Christian Grey , who as you have all pointed out isn't so lovely right now , I am intentionally writing him as a dick but not because I want him to be hated. More I want to portray a man completely out of his comfort zone , a Christian who has been pushed to his breaking point. **

**Believe me I can understand why you all hate him , heck even I didn't like him in the last chapter , but please give him some slack. After all we all know how childish his brain is when it comes to being out of control. **

**DNA results to come in the next chapter , until then please enjoy Aftermath part 6**

**Please review as I love hearing from you. Also I now have a twitter page so please follow me Alexandra_Zeola **

**Alexandra **

**Xxxxx**

* * *

**Anastasia's POV**

"Ana! There you are, what the bloody hell took you so long! I told you too …" I cut him off with a sharp slap to his right cheek, vaguely registering a now deep throbbing pain radiating from my palm. However my brain fails to notify me of my pain, it's too busy trying to stop me from breaking down.

"How could you Christian?" I amaze myself by actually speaking calmly.

"Ana baby it's not…" I slap him again, this time numbing my palm completely.

"Shut up! Just shut the fuck up! I can see how worried you must have been about me , although last time I checked people didn't drink wine and reminisce with their ex sex slaves while their seven months pregnant wife was patiently waiting for them. I could have fallen and hurt Blip and you didn't even look around to check I was okay , shows how much you care about me and your unborn child doesn't it" his eyes are locked on mine while I speak , mixed with fear and what looks to be regret , but mostly he's shocked. Shocked by what though, his actions or mine?

"Ana please your acting ridi…" I lift my hand to slap him again but this time he seizes it and pulls me close, his face inches from mine, so close that I can faintly see the red handprint on his cheek "don't hit me again Ana" he lets go of my hand and I step back, feeling a traitor tear slide down my cheek, I didn't want him to see me cry. Didn't want to show him how heartbroken I feel.

"How could you do this to me? After all you've put me through, what we've gone through together. You've betrayed me more than ever and it looks like you don't even care. You're not even ashamed that I've caught you red handed" he glances over at Esmee , who now has finished one bottle of wine and has moved onto what looks like straight whisky , drinking away her sorrow perhaps?

"Ana I don't have time for this right now , my daughter's missing remember?" staring into those gorgeous grey eyes I realise something , something that makes my stomach twist and my heart break even more than before , my husband is in love with another. Perhaps not in a physical way but his feelings for Esmee are far from over, that much is as obvious as the sun being in the sky. And the scary truth is that no matter what I say and no matter what I do I can't bring him back to me. I've lost him.

"I understand Christian, you have more important things to deal with, I'll leave you be okay?" I go to turn back down the hallway , desperate to be away from his view so I can cry in peace , but his hand grabs my wrist and spins me to face him , his lips sealing themselves over mine in a passionate , perhaps even beautiful , kiss. I let myself fall under the spell of his lips, one last piece of heaven before I leave for good. We break apart and the smile on his face tells me he thinks everything's okay, shows me that my mask has played its part perfectly.

"I'll see you back at home yea?" I nod and lean up to kiss him once more, striving to not show the heartbreak which I'm feeling, battling with my inner emotions while he is in sight. His hands go to my bump and suddenly he's on his knees kissing Blip, murmuring sweet nothings to his unborn child. My heart breaks once again and I have to conceal a cry of sorrow with a cough, although I notice how sawyer has seen through my mask and is currently giving Christian the most disgusted look I've ever seen. I meet his eye and shake my head softly, he raises an eyebrow but stops his staring thankfully, this is mine and Christian's problem and it's not fair for others to be brought into it, especially not members of our staff.

"I love you Anastasia Grey" I watch mystified as he stands with immense grace and plants the softest of kisses to my forehead "a man like me doesn't deserve to call you my wife, thank you for being with me through all of this" I nod silently and give my most effective fake smile, one I have used at many formal dinners and conferences over my marriage to Christian. I don't give him a reply and instead turn on my heel and exit the flat, turning my head just in time to spot his smiling face turn to one of fear and confusion.

The door closes behind me and the floodgates erupt in my eyes, my body collapses and I sink to the floor, only for strong arms to lift me up and carry me down the stairs and towards the car. It's only while I'm in mid-air do I register more pain, but this time it's not coming from my palm but from my bump. A sickening thought hits me and I scream out in pain as a sharp stabbing shoots through my abdomen. I open my eyes to meet a pair of deeply concerned brown eyes.

"Sawyer gets me to the hospital right now! I think Blip is going to be premature!" more pain slices through my body, closing my eyes as tears slide down my cheeks.

Please God let my baby be okay. If I can't have my husband, at least let me have my baby.

* * *

**Esmee's POV**

I stare at Christian's back while he and Ana speak, shocked at the viciousness that comes out of her pretty little mouth, watching in horror as Christians powerful stance dwindles dramatically. The sharp slap he took from her hit me like a ton of bricks, how could she hurt him like that? He hates to be touched and she slaps him! What the fuck is wrong with this woman?

Can she not see how blessed she is to have him, does she not know what I would be willing to do to have him once again. Leila was right, however much it sickens me to say that now that she's kidnapped my precious Victoria, but in regards to little Miss Anastasia she was completely correct. Ana doesn't deserve Christian, neither does psycho Leila.

No the person Christian should be with is a woman who can give him what he wants and what he needs. Someone who can do as they are told and pleasure him like only she can, a woman who would go to the end of the earth to keep him happy. A woman who has loved him her entire life, even when she was with another. A woman, that is, who is raising his flesh and blood. The woman he should be with is me.

"I love you Anastasia Grey" his words are like a dagger to my heart and I have to look away to stop myself screaming at him and punching the lights out of her. This is not how things should be; surely I should be the one he falls for? I'm the mother of his child, his first child, his only heir and benefactor. Yes Ana is pregnant but for how long?

No I mustn't think like that, that's too vile a thought to wish on any mother, even to a mother I hate. Perhaps I've had too much to drink or the stress is getting to me, whatever is the matter with me has caused a devilish side to my personality. Slowly I can feel my logic starting to disappear, just like it used to all those years ago when I entered the play room. A dark needy desire seems to have washed over me since Christian Grey entered back into my life, and although I lost him once I refuse to lose him again.

"Christian? Christian are you okay?" he's stood dead still facing the way Ana exited , his posture is unreadable and I find myself hesitating to touch him , afraid of how he may react.

"We need to find Victoria. Then I need to go home" his words knock me back and I have to close my eyes to stop him seeing the sadness I feel.

"Can Taylor track the phone she stole from you?" I circle him slowly, taking extra careful steps, a bit like a tiger stalking a scared prey. My oh my how the roles have changed , there once was a time he was the hunter and I the helpless prey , ready and willing to do his devilish bidding . How I long to give myself to him fully once again , to feel him take control of me like he used to , to feel his need to have my submission.

"Yes, he can!" suddenly he snaps out of his statue like stance and races over to the front door, shouting for Taylor.

Oblivious to the shouting commands Christian makes around the flat to Taylor I wander towards my cosy white fabric sofa and grab my phone, smiling a sad smile when I see my beautiful Victoria smiling at me from the screensaver. I'm just scanning through my photo gallery of her when suddenly an unknown number flashes up on the screen alongside my Mariah Carey Hero ringtone.

Taking a deep breath I answer, just as Christian enters the room. Our eyes lock together.

"Hello?" I lick my dry lips, tasting salty tears which still linger.

"Miss Gold, how happy I am that you've picked up. I see you have a guest with you at the moment, do you mind putting him on the line for me please?" her voice sounds as wickedly evil as it did at the front door , her patronising smile is obvious in her tone and my anger level spikes.

"Look you psycho give me back my daughter or you'll be six feet under before you can say…" Christian is now sat in front of me listening into the call, his eyes are dark with fear making him seem extremely vulnerable, a side I've never been witness to before.

"Ah ah ah Miss Gold mind your manners. We wouldn't want Victoria to hear her dear mother using such vile language now would we. Now be a good little submissive and put Christian on the line, I know he's there Esmeralda , I can see you" subconsciously I feel myself move closer to Christian , wanting him to hold me and reassure me that this is all some sick nightmare as a result of too much alcohol. Hearing Tori's scream in the background of the call makes me gag, proving this is no dream.

"Give her back to me Leila! Give me back my fucking daughter! You'll pay for this one day, mark my words you will root for what you've done!" tears are spilling down my cheeks, chocking me as my body convulses in sorrow.

"Esmee calm down!" Christian is on his feet now, snatching the phone from my hand and putting it to his ear. My tears deafen me to the outside world as everything seems to spin on its axis. Oh god almighty what was I thinking drinking two bottles of wine to myself! Tori! Where's my Tori!

My body sags into the sofa, my head resting upon a soft white pillow, my eyes become tired and slowly start to close, but not before I see Christian staring out the window which faces the opposite building, his stance is even more ridged then before. I final give in to my exhaustion just as Christian turns towards my front door and disappears out of sight.

* * *

**Christian's POV**

"Taylor I know where she is!" I end the call and quickly grab my jacket, rushing over to Taylor who is already making his way towards the front door.

"What about Miss Gold sir? Are we not bringing her with us?" I silence him with a stern look and he nods apologetically. In all honestly I don't want Esmee coming with us, not only because she's exhausted and needs to sleep, but because I want to be the one who saves our daughter. I feel this will help show Victoria that she no longer need to feel alone , that she has a father in me , a father who will love her and protect her no matter what hardship she comes across. If I rescue her she'll love me. It's what parents do.

The phone call from Leila was odd to say the least; it was as if she wanted me to find where she was hiding. As a matter of fact she practically told me which apartment she was in , a fact which is making me feel like running over there with only Taylor as my backup is a seriously bad idea , and yet I can't stop myself.

Leila sounded deliriously happy when I threatened to come over and take back Tori, even going as far as saying she was looking forward to our "reunion". Perhaps this is a trap? Or maybe she really does believe that I'm going round to be with her?

Yes I lied. I lied to get my daughter back, is that really so bad?

When she asked if I'd missed her I said yes , not because I do but because she's insane , playing to her game is the only way , and I mean the only way , of ensuring Tori is safe. I need Tori to be safe. So I agreed to go round and 'discuss our future' with her.

The building next door is almost identical to that of Esmee's except this building is made to look even deader by having jet black bricks and black windows. The words 'prison' and 'medical facility' flash in my mind and I wonder if this building is somehow showing Leila's future, a thought which makes me hurt for her. Pushing away any feelings of guilt or grief I watch Taylor crack the access code before entering behind him, leaving him behind me as I run up the stairs to the 4th floor. Apartment 42 looms ahead of me and motion for Taylor to stay back; he nods his understanding and scopes the area instead, leaving me to advance to the door.

Reaching the door I gently knock my knuckles against the hard wood, glancing quickly behind me to check Taylor still has eyes on me, I feel remotely calmer when I see him watching me right back. However pissed he may get at me and my actions I know he's someone who will always protect my back. The door opens eerily slow, revealing pitch blackness. I take one last look at Taylor before stepping into what could be my last few seconds alive.

"Leila?" I step forward and hear a crunch beneath my foot, reaching for the phone in my pocket; I open it quickly and use the light to investigate. A small butterfly clip, broken into tiny little pieces, shines up at me and my throat catches. I just know this clip belongs to Tori.

Stepping forward once more I use the phone light to scan the darkness, there's nothing, no furniture, no lighting of any kind. Just darkness wherever I step.

"Victoria? Victoria can you hear me?" I call out helplessly, hoping the sound of her voice can act as some sort of guide on how to find her amongst this darkness.

"Sir perhaps we should call in the cops?" I hush Taylor and gesture for him to stay back, the last thing I need is some fancy cop stealing my rescue.

"Victoria its daddy, where are you?" A loud bang resonates through the darkness and I move towards it, praying with all my might that it's her.

"Was that you banging? Bang again? Louder this time" once again the darkness is filled with a sharp bang, as if mental where being hit against brick wall. It happens three times, enough times for me to track the direction in which it came. I take off at lightning speed, bashing against a large table and sofa which seem to be the only items of furniture in the space.

I enter a smallish room, one window backs onto the street providing a small square of light, and beneath that window I see the most beautiful sight known to man. My daughter. Holding what looks like a bin lid tight in her little hand she bashes it against the wall to create the sound I've just run towards.

"Victoria?" my voice startles her and she drops the lid, causing it to clatter loudly against the hard stone floor.

"Daddy?" her voice is like a whisper, a cold and lost whisper of the night. I nod softly and bend down in front of her, opening my arms so she can move into them.

"I'm here Victoria, I'm sorry that I wasn't there for you before but that's going to change from now on. I swear on my life no one will ever harm you, not while I'm around" her tiny shoulders heave with her tears as she wraps her arms around my neck, holding onto me for dear life.

That's when I hear the gun click.

"Move away from her Christian" I stand cautiously, trying to move Tori with me but for some reason she's unable to move, that's when I notice the shackle around her ankle, the metal so tight it's caused her to bleed. My anger spikes horrendously and I turn to face Leila.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" the venom in my voice startles her and she stumbles back as I approach.

"I don't understand, you said you wanted to be with me, on the phone. I thought this was what you wanted" I shake my head, keeping my eyes locked on hers, watching as her fear grows to a crescendo.

"You're insane Leila. I don't want you, I never wanted you. I just said that to make you tell me where you were hiding. It's over between us. Get fucking use to it!" I keep my tone harsh but my voice calm, subtle venom is far more effective then brute anger. Leila begins to shake, her head going from side to side as she comes to terms with my trickery.

"You lied! How could you! For what reason?" I don't reply and instead glance at Tori, her eyes are wide with fear as she watches Leila and her gun, and she gasps just as Leila aims for her "for her? You don't even know if she's yours and you pick her! How could you! I'm meant to be with you not Ana, not this little brat!" Tori's whimpering is now audible and I have to fight the urge I have to go over and comfort her, in a way my mother never did to me when I cried.

"She needs me Leila. And as for Ana you are nothing compared to her. Give up and move on, for the both of us, it's time now" I gingerly reach for the gun, watching her eyes glaze with some unknown emotion.

Then I hear the shot, the sharp bang resonating through my ear drums. I frantically search my skin for the wound but find nothing. Then I hear Victoria's scream. Turning round I see the blood stain to her stomach, pricing bright red marking her summery white top.

A second gunshot rings out and once again I check my body, still no wound. Rushing over to Tori I rip my shirt off and press it to her wound, trying desperately to stop the blood flow, holding her trembling body to me as she cries in pain.

Leila's dead body lies a few meters away, Taylor is poised from his successful aim above her, his eyes meet mine and I nod a well done. Now at least she'll be at peace.

"Taylor gets us to the hospital right now!"

* * *

**Next update due tomorrow - DNA results revealed. **

**Also please remember I am not a professional writer and I really am trying to please everyone with this story but I can't be perfect and hope you'll go easy on me if you don't like whats written xxxx**


	21. Ana's hosptial terror

**Good evening all :) (Its currently 10 o clock here in England)**

**Firstly let me just apologise in advance that this chapter is so small but I had finish off my Easter break essay as its due on Monday and I still had 1000 words to write. **

**DNA results are on the way so be patient hehe **

**Also can I just say that I know a lot of people don't like where this story is going and for that I am really sorry but I can't make everyone happy and I am trying to do my best but at the end of the day I have to keep to what I feel like writing otherwise the quality will suffer :( I really hope you are all still enjoying the story. **

**Please do follow my twitter account as I love talking with you all and it's so easy via twitter **

** Alexandra_Zeola**

**Thanks again my lovelies. Another update by Monday hopefully.**

**Alexandra xxxxx**

* * *

**Anastasia's POV**

To say that Sawyer can drive at high speeds safely is probably the biggest understatement of the century, not only that but he can drive and constantly check on the health of his passenger without a single shred of lost concentration, it's mind-blowing how safe I feel and yet we've just hit 180mph.

It took him exactly two seconds to react to my screams of pain back at Esmee's apartment, two seconds that was to run to his car, a slightly bashed up Jeep Wrangler Sahara, and bundle me into the passenger seat before jumping behind the wheel and smashing the beast of a car into first gear. We're now only 3 minutes or so away from the hospital and the pain in my stomach seems be increasing every micro second, my eyes are stinging from tears I am refusing to let fall while my head sends numerous prays that my baby will survive all this terror and I can go home and begin a better life, a life where my heart is no longer being exposed to pain and heartbreak, a life my baby and I can be proud of. Just the two of us. My mind starts to wander, imaging how my life will be without Christian in it. It's not long before my cheeks are stained with tears.

"Ana? We've arrived" Sawyers voice knocks me out of my depressed state and I quickly wipe my eyes clear of any stray tears , thankfully if Sawyer did notice my sorrow he's kind enough not to show it.

"Thank you Sawyer" I smile weakly at him, getting a shy smile back, and exit the car. Holding my bump as I try to walk to the hospital entrance, expecting to hear the car zoom off behind me, but all I hear is a car door closing. I spin round and raise my eyebrow in confusion as Sawyer walks over to me hesitantly "what are you doing Luke? You can go now, you don't have to stay and wait around."

"Ana if you think I'm going to let you go through this on your own then you obviously don't know me" the concern in his eyes knocks me back and I find myself turning away nervously. I feel his hand on my shoulder, turning I see the smile on his lips and in his eyes "stop being so nervous Ana, I'm going to look after you"

"Thank you Sawyer, it means a lot" he nods softly and gently places his hand on the small of my back, leading me towards the hospital entrance.

Within seconds of stepping into the hospital lobby another punch of pain wracks my body causing me to scream out in pure agony, Sawyer's arm is around my waist in seconds stopping me from hitting the floor, doctors are around me helping me stand, checking me over. Its then that I notice Grace entering the main area, she's lost in conversation with a younger doctor but the second she hears my scream she's rushing over to me , her eyes clouded over with panic for me.

"Ana! Move out the way, let me have a look" the pain increases dramatically and my legs fully give way beneath me, my knees hit the floor hard. Grace is kneeling in front of me desperately asking me questions about my pain, although my tears are practically choking me. I vaguely notice myself nodding to her questions but soon darkness is descending upon me, closing off all of my senses as I try to o fight the agonising pain.

"Ana! Ana you're going into labour! I need you to stay awake for me Ana!" I can hear the fear in Grace's voice but I can't stop myself slipping away. Everyone's holding me up but I just want to fall asleep.

"Ana! Ana baby!" the last voice I hear before every goes black is that of my husband. A man I wish right now I'd never met.


	22. Results

**Hello everyone , **

**To say this has been a hard few days is truly an understatement. I feel terrible that so many of you are angry at the last few chapters and hope you will forgive me for creating a Christian so many hate. **

**As for the reviews I have removed I am sorry but they were far to personally directed at me and not just my writing , which is obviously something I put a lot of work into and when it is called shitty I just don't see the point in me giving that person the satisfaction of being seen more than once. That might sound bitchy but its how I personally feel. Please if you feel that way about the story just stop reading , don't tell me because it just hurts. **

**Also I would like to apologise for not giving the DNA results as promised earlier on in this month but I have had a very difficult few months and it has affected my writing , this is not an excuse I know but please know I am sorry and I will try my absolute best to stay on track with updates. **

**I need to send a huge thank you to Cj , she knows why. Thankyou , a million times thankyou. **

**I seriously hope this chapter makes up for my crappy last few chapters and I win back your respect.**

**Also thank you to ladybug37 – I literally got your pm as I finished this chapter and it made me smile so much :D **

**Alexandra xxxxx**

* * *

**Christian's POV**

I stand outside of Ana's room, as the doctors work to get her blood pressure under control and all I can think about is the devastation in her eyes and the venom in her voice as she told me to get the fuck away from her and out of her life. Before I could utter a word in reply, the heart rate monitors on her and blip started going crazy. Dr. Greene and my mother rushed into the room and Ana struggled to speak again, even as her body was wrecked with pain. My mother tried to calm her, as I just stood frozen to the spot at the foot of her bed. She looked to my mother and took her hand pulling her close to her face. She spoke quietly, but her voice was filled with anger as she looked to me and told my mother she wanted me out of her sight. My mother's face filled with confusion, but she nodded in agreement and told me that I needed to leave so they could take care of Ana and the baby. As I walked out of that room, I swear I could feel my heart shatter.

_Please let her be okay, please let her be okay, please let her be okay. _I can't think anything else except this simple but deeply important mantra. Nothing else matters without Ana, nothing in this world is more important than her.

And yet I've broken her heart. I could see it in her eyes. I've taken her heart and callously smashed it into tiny little pieces, all because I was too stupid to stop and think about how my drama was affecting her. Not once did I think about how meeting Victoria would affect Ana , not once did I stop to think about Esmee and what it would be like for Ana to watch me spending time with another women. This, all of this, is my fault.

My wife is lying in a hospital bed desperately fighting for hers and my son's life and it's my fault. If she dies it will be on my hands. The truth dawns on me and I place my head in my hands and let the tears I've been holding back fall freely, feeling my whole body shudder as I sob.

"Christian? Are you crying?" my mother's soft concerned voice makes me feel even worse and I keep my head in my hands, too ashamed to even look at her. I flinch slightly when I feel her hand on my shoulder, she must have crouched down beside me but I still can't look up.

"Dr Trevelyan-Grey can we speak with Christian alone for a moment please" I look up , tears staining my cheeks , and see both Taylor and Sawyer approaching me , their faces show their disgust at me and my heart sinks at just how much effect my behaviour has had on the people closest to me. My mother meets my eyes , a look which I know is asking if I'll be okay on my own , I nod and she stands gracefully , shooting a look at Sawyer and Taylor before moving back down towards Ana's hospital room . I stand suddenly and run after her , ignoring the surprised looks of my security team as I take my mother in my arms and hold her , soaking her doctors coat with my tears when I feel her arms encasing me.

"I'm sorry I've let you down Mom" never have I spoken to my mother in this way and I can see the deep surprise in her eyes, the softest of smiles on her lips.

"You haven't Christian, and you never will" oh if only she knew what I'd done. Knew how I have treated Ana so terribly that she might never love me again. How I've sacrificed everything for something I don't even know is true or a lie. I've never acted so irrationally and my mother would be so disappointed if she were to find out. But then I deserve her disgust and disappointment, I deserve every single persons hate. Because I too hate myself right now. I hear Taylor clear his throat behind me and shoot him a stern look, yes I understand he's angry but I am still his boss.

"Tell Ana I love her, I know you said for me to give her some space after her blood pressure spike but I need to be there for the delivery of my son" she nods, but her eyes aren't looking at me and I get a shiver of fear. Would Ana really ask for me to not be at the birth of our first child? Does she hate me that much?

_Of course she does Grey, she thinks you picked Esmeralda and Victoria; she probably never wants to see your pathetic cheating face ever again. You've lost your entire family you stupid fucked up man_

My subconscious spits out these words inside my head and I have to close my eyes to stop more tears falling. I never thought I'd fail so much in such a small amount of time. How could I have been so stupid?

"I'll tell her but she's hurting Christian, she hasn't told me why, but whatever's happened has caused massive stress for Ana and her blood pressure has spiked dangerously out of control. They've given her IV meds and a mild sedative to help regulate her blood pressure before delivery but she'll be asleep for a good 2 hours before the baby can be safely delivered, . You need to be prepared for the fact that she may choose for you not to be there. It's her choice" I nod my understanding and stare at the floor, my expensive Italian leather shoes seem to mock me _even when I try so hard to be a better man I fail , I don't deserve what I've been given and I especially don't deserve a love like Ana. _

"Mr Grey, we really do need to talk with you" Sawyer's voice is laced with a deep disgust, making me remember the look on his face when he walked into Esmee's apartment with Ana. How could I have acted like that with her when I knew Ana would be looking for me! What the hell was going through my head?

I give them a quick nod and kiss my mother's check softly, relishing in the tight hold she has on my hand, squeezing back just as hard. We break apart and she wipes the tears from my eyes , smiling a soft motherly smile , then walks through the thick wood doors. I take a deep breath , smooth down my shirt and walk back towards the two men I trust with mine and my families lives , although right now I'm not so sure they'd jump in front of a bullet for me.

"What can I do for you both?" I stay standing , my height being the only thing I have over these men.

"Sit down Grey" Sawyer seems to be the most pissed off of the two , his eyes are filled with hate and his brows are narrowed with anger. I try to stare him down but he doesn't give in and I end up looking at the floor.

"Mr Sawyer I'd like to remind you that you are still my employee and therefore I am to be spoken to with respect" I meet his eyes with force , expecting to see a cowering man , but he's not scared at all. In fact he's smiling , a cocky arrogant looking smile.

"Then take this as my notice to quit" out of nowhere I feel his fist smashing against my cheek , my eyes darken for a second and when they open I am sprawled on the floor , my head throbbing. Sawyer is stood above me; Taylor is sat on a hospital chair staring at the wall opposite.

"What the fuck was that for?" Sawyer's eyes darken once more and I see his fist rise above his head and find myself blocking any further violence, however Taylor stops him with a wave of his hand, I sigh in relief as Sawyer lowers his fist.

"One's enough Luke. Get off the floor Christian, we need to have a chat about you and Esmee" I struggle to my feet, narrowing my eyes at Sawyer as I take the seat next to Taylor.

"I don't really see what any of this has to do with you Jason I mean this is my family and…"

"Oh shut the fuck up Grey!" I jump in my seat at the venom in his voice. Never has Taylor spoken to me with such disrespect , he's seen me at my lowest and yet he's always been there for me , even if we never actually spoke about our relationship I've always considered him more family then an employee. I go to argue back but the pained look in his old eyes tells me it's not anger he's feeling towards me but more disappointment, like that of my mothers, strangely I wish it was anger. I could deal with his anger but not his disappointment.

"I know your disappointed with me, disgusted even, and trust me I completely agree that my actions were completely way out of line. I wish I could tell you why I did what I did, I can promise you that I never ever meant to treat Esmee the way I did, at first I was furious with her, hated the fact that she'd come out of nowhere and was going to threaten a life I'd worked so hard for and loved with all my heart but.." I trail off with a sigh and run a hand through my hair, lost for words on how to describe the hideous way I behaved.

"But what Grey? Was Ana not good enough for you anymore? Do you even realise how fucking lucky you are to have a woman like that be yours? A woman most men would give up heaven and hell to be with, and she loves you even though you act like a fucking psycho! Explain what the hell is wrong with you because right now all I am seeing is a pathetic excuse for a man!" I hang my head in shame and let Sawyer have his say , his words stabbing at my already sore body and mind.

"Luke enough" Taylor's voice of understanding rings out and I look up , hoping to see his forgiving eyes . But he's looking away from me , staring at a foam coffee cup in his hands "he won't listen , he never listens" finally he meets my eyes "do you Christian?"

"What do I have to do to make her love me again?" I know he's talking about Ana when he says I never listen , and what hurts the most is he's telling the truth , I don't listen to her. I always think I know best and look where that's got me , I underestimated my wife and now I've lost her.

"Get a DNA test for starters" spits out Sawyer and I glance at Taylor , he doesn't look at me but he does nod in agreement.

"Done" they both jump in surprise and stare at me. I nod to affirm my answer and am relieved to see the anger in Sawyers eyes lessen slightly "then what?"

"That Christian is down to Ana . She's a strong young woman but this has broken her more than I can begin to describe. You're going to have to fight , and I mean fight , to get her to let you back in her life. And I don't care how angry you get , or how upset she makes you with her bluntness and dismissive words , you are in the wrong and she dam well will make you know it" I nod at Taylor's explanation , desperately hoping my heart will continue beating because right now I feel like dying with sadness.

"I deserve her anger" Sawyer laughs condescendingly , leaning against the wall with one leg propped up.

"Dam straight you do , if I were her I'd leave your sorry arse. She's so much better than you Grey , I bloody well hope you realise that one day" I stand up in anger and bunch my fists up.

"I do know it Sawyer. She's the most incredible woman I've ever met , she makes me smile more than anyone else and when I feel down she is the person I go to because just by looking at her sweet beautiful smile my problems disappear. Ana is the never-ending light in my endless darkness , the sweet taste in my bitter palette , the sun to my universe and the home for my heart. So don't you dare say I don't know that I don't deserve the diamond that I process because I know more than any man how blessed I am to wake up to her smile every morning and I will do everything I can , give up everything else I have to win her back , because nothing , nothing at all , matters without her. Understand?" I take a deep breath. Sawyer isn't angry anymore , instead he's got a smile on his face , but it's not cocky or arrogant this time , it looks almost like a smile of pride , pride towards me.

"There you are , thought we'd lost you for a bit there" Taylor stands behind me and I turn to face him , started to see he too is smiling.

"What the hell are you talking about Jason?" Sawyers laugh makes me jump and I step back cautiously. Taylor walks towards me and places his hand on my shoulder.

"I knew if we pushed you hard enough you'd stop being so miserable with your victim act and start fighting for what you want. You needed to realise your wrong doing and get the motivation to right those wrongs" I feel Sawyers hand on my shoulder as well and suddenly I'm laughing , tears are once again running down my cheeks but I don't care. Taylor laughs kindly and we embrace , something I never ever thought I'd do. He breaks apart and once again his eyes are stern , but not menacing.

"Listen Christian this is not us forgiving you , not for a long shot , but we know you are a good man but you have acted like a complete and utter arsehole and you have a long hard journey ahead of you to get your life back to what it was. But that young woman is worth it" I nod and wipe my tears away.

"Now go get a DNA test. We need to find out for sure who Victoria's father is" Sawyer starts walking away , Taylor following , but my feet are pinned to the floor. They notice I'm not following and turn to face me , confusion clouding their faces "what's the matter now?"

"Are you telling me that she's not mine?" Taylors head falls in shame and Sawyer rubs his forehead.

"Esmeralda is with Victoria , go talk with her Christian" I nod and walk towards the room Victoria was admitted to when we brought her in , a room I didn't enter because I saw Ana. I didn't even check in to see if her operation went okay.

* * *

**Esmeralda's POV**

My head is hurting so much I think I may have developed a permanent migraine , that's what crying for 2 hours straight will do to a mother, that and being told your 7 year old daughter has been shot by a psycho women and requires a bloody transfusion or she will die.

That's what my day has consisted of and now as I watch my daughters chest rising and falling as she sleeps I just know it's going to get worse , especially when the man I love enters the room looking sick with stress and sorrow.

"Esmee is Victoria my daughter?" his blunt question cuts my heart and I have to look away from his as more tears spill from my eyes , my hand tightening around Tori's small one.

"Christian I…" he cuts me off with a raise of his hand.

"Yes or no Esmeralda" my tears chock me and I have to gulp back air , clamping my eyes closed as I try to calm my inside turmoil.

"I don't know" he shudders violently and my heart breaks for him a million times over. I did this to him , I made him choose , unconsciously of course , I made him feel guilty that he wasn't spending time with Tori , I lied to him saying I knew he was the father when there is doubt in my mind. I've made him treat his wife like second best because I wanted him , I wanted him so much that I didn't care who got hurt. But lots of people have been hurt , and my daughter is one of them, making me the world's worst mother.

"I want a DNA test , right here right now" he's eyes never meet mine , instead they are locked on Tori's weak body , the bandage around her body which is covering her wound seems to have him transfixed.

"Christian please let me explain…" I stand and try to go towards him but he steps back , his eyes dead of emotion.

"Now Esmeralda" I sink back into my chair and nod softly , feeling my tears well up inside my eyes.

The door of the room closes with a thud and I can hear Christian yelling for a doctor , the staffs responds to his shouts with a calm attitude but the second they hear his name everything changes , suddenly there is no waiting list for a doctor.

Seconds later Dr Green in beside me and Victoria , taking samples from Tori before wandering over to Christian and taking the same from him , she then nods that her work is done and tells us we will have the result within the next half an hour. I thank her , as does Christian , then I watches her leave.

"I have to go , Ana needs me" Christian turns to leave and I build up all my courage to speak the words I've been dying to say since we reunited.

"I'm still in love with you Christian , I've always been in love with you , ever since that first session" I don't look at him , to scared that I will have to witness his rejection.

"I know but I don't love you Esmee. I love one woman and I will love her for the rest of my life. I'm sorry if I made you think differently during our time recently. It was never my intention to lead you on , I love my wife. , I have no excuse for my appalling behaviour and now I am paying the ultimate price for it. Know this though.." his voice trails off and I can sense the unspoken command to look at him , I do and gasp at the serious look in his eyes "Victoria is a wonderful child and you should be proud to call her your daughter but if she's not mine then you need to find the man who is and tell them soon before she gets attached to the wrong man" and there it is. The thing I've been regretting since I first sent the note , there is the look of regret I knew would come.

He wishes he'd never met her.

"Christian!" the dead silence of the small room is broken by a petite woman with short brown hair bursting into the room , her eyes shining with an almost scared emotion.

"Mia be quiet will you , a child is sleeping in here" his words sound like he cares but looking at his stance and closed off expression its merely him being irritated at this women's rudeness and not the fear that Tori may be woken up.

"It's Ana Christian! She's bleeding really heavily , their going to take her to surgery for an emergency C section!" all the colour drains from Christian's face and I can see him visibly wobbly on his feet , his hand pressing against his forehead in deep fear , a barely audible no escaping his lips. Within seconds he's disappeared out the door and I'm left alone holding the hand of my brave little girl. I pick her hand up and kiss the soft skin , remembering how small they were when she was born , how fragile I thought she was back then.

"I'm sorry my brave little princess , I've failed you in so many ways. I pray one day you'll forgive me" I give up holding back my tears and instead let them fall freely.

* * *

**Christian's POV**

Mia and I reach Ana's room just in time for me to see her being wheeled away , her small body is covered with nearly a thousand wires and I have to clutch my stomach to stop myself throwing up the contents of my stomach. I steady my breathing and go to follow her bed as it's wheeled through to surgery , only to be stopped by my mother.

"She said no Christian" the pain in her eyes knocks me back slightly and I stare as Ana is wheeled out of sight.

"NO! No I have to be there with her Mom! Please , please don't make me miss the birth of my son" my voice breaks with my sorrow and I can feel my knees desperately trying to hold themselves together as my body slowly starts to close in on itself.

"I'm sorry Christian but I have to respect her wishes, please don't argue this son , and there is no changing her mind" my heart breaks for the thousandth time and I bunch my shoulders up in pain , feeling the twinge in my chest ripping through me.

"Is there no way I can be there? Please Mom I need to see him come into this world" I plead with her and it hurts to see how much she wishes she could help me , but her loyalty to Ana is what I love about her right now. I deserve this suffering , even though it's killing me to endure it.

"You can observe the operation from the viewing room , but you must promise me that you will stay there and not leave until I come and get you. Respect Ana's choice and do as you are told" I know from other nights at the hospital with my mother that the viewing room is situated slightly above the surgery table and will give me a Birdseye view of the delivery , I won't be there to hold my son but I will see his first blink of this new world.

"Yes , I'll take whatever I can get right now" I notice Mia and Elliott walking towards me and suddenly my siblings are hugging me , then Elliott steps back and punches my shoulder painfully hard.

"You really fucked up Bro , and I mean big time fuck up" I smile and nod softly , battling once more with the tears that are dying to be free. I can see its taking a lot for my brother not to punch the living daylights out of me right now , I know that if he ever did what I've done to someone I considered a sister he would have two black eyes and few broken ribs right now.

My mother takes my hand and we walk to the viewing room in silence , I can hear every step she makes with her heels on the marble floor and I fight back the memory of Ana testing out her very unflattering pregnancy shoes , oh how we laughed at those hideous looking things ,

* * *

"Baby they look fine honestly" I watch with an amused grin as Ana walks the length of our bedroom in her tailored pregnancy shoes , or her old man slippers as she's cutely nicknamed them. I'm sat up in bed , our breakfast try discarded next to me , smiling at the beauty who is now studying her right foot with dramatic disgust.

"They look terrible Christian , I can't wear these out in public , people who sprain their ankle and have to wear those weird ankle support boot things look better than I do in these" she lifts her leg and turns her ankle to the left , an angle which shows the strange drawings which have been drawn onto the "fashionable" shoe, although she doesn't calculate the weight distribution of foot to baby bump and ends up falling backwards , her body hitting the bouncy comfort of our king-size bed , causing me to burst out in laughter.

"Hey this is the part where my dashing husband comes to make sure I'm okay , not where he laughs himself into a mini coma" her words sound stern but the cute giggle at the end both shows me she's kidding and makes my heart warm with love , oh how I love that giggle.

I jump off the bed and scoop her up in my arms , smiling as she giggles even more "oh I'm sorry Mrs Grey , did I have a script for today or something?" she sticks her tongue out at me playfully and I seal my lips over hers , smiling as she melts into my arms.

We break apart eventually , our arms still wrapped around each other , before we notice the shoes which were on her feet have somehow miraculously fallen to the floor. Our eyes meet and there's a delicious playful lust in her eyes , a look I know I am giving right back.

"Oh no Mr Grey I seem to have lost my shoes" I kiss her again and lay her down on our bed , moving on top of her and pushing the soft silk of her nightie up her gorgeous body.

"Well then Mrs Grey we might as well get rid of the rest of your clothing , it seems unfair to leave your gorgeous shoes alone on the floor" she giggles then moans as I capture the skin of her neck between my lips and suck softly , my hands now fully exploring her body.

* * *

"Christian, we've arrived" my mother's voice brings me out of my daydream and I enter the clinical looking room , gasping when I see the sight below me.

Ana is unconscious on the table , a blue sheet covers her lower body while a doctor preps her for the C-section. The worst sight however is the small metal table containing numerous metal medical instruments which all look like they could inflict a lot of pain , pain which my poor Ana is going to endure.

"Would you like me to leave you be?" I turn towards the door and shake my head , feeling my mother's arms on my arms , gently rocking me as we watch the surgeon begin the operation , reaching for a sharp knife which I know will leave a scare which Ana will never be able to forget she has , it will be a constant reminder of my failure , a constant permanent mark of my 50 shades and the damage they can cause on the people I love. The thought makes me feel sick and I have to sit down.

"Christian talk to me , let me help you" it's then I notice how tightly I am gripping my mother's hand, I look up and meet her sad concerned eyes. I don't know why but I start talking , telling her everything. I tell her about the note and Esmee's plea for me to meet with Victoria , noticing how she flinches at the fact I've been lying to her for years about the women in my life , I carry on without letting her ask questions , not letting myself chicken out of telling the truth. Once I finish I can barely look at her , the shame of what I've told her has hit me like a ton of bricks , instead I keep my eyes on Ana's life machine , watching the steadying beeps which tell me she's still with me , still fighting through this nightmare.

"Oh Christian , how could you let this happen?" I shake my head in response and stand from my chair , too scared to look her in case she's shamed by me.

"I don't know what came over me , I just didn't think and now I've fucked up my entire world" I bash my head against the hard glass , relishing in the sharp pain it causes.

"Have you had the results from the DNA test yet?" I shake my head no and bash my head again , harder this time.

"Half an hour , although I wish they could have told me there and then , this waiting around is killing me. I need the truth , is that really so much to ask of people" once again I smash my head against the glass , just as the surgeon makes the first incision. I feel my body being pulled away from the glass as blood spills from Ana's body , the sight alone makes me want to die.

"Christian please stop doing that , you are not the injured party here. Ana is" we both stare down at the surgery table just as a tiny pink body is lifted away from Ana , everyone is moving quickly as beepers start going crazy , my heart beat does the same and my mother's arm is wrapped around me stopping me from collapsing.

"What's going on? Why are they taking him away!" I race for the door but my mom beats me and blocks me from exiting. I stare down at her with my full ferocity , but she doesn't budge.

"He's too weak to survive on his own Christian , he's three months premature. He'll need to be put into an incubator until he learns to use his own lungs. Breath son , please" I lift my fist and she flinches beneath me as I bash it against the wall , cracking the plaster slightly.

"Let me go to her , let me go help. Mom please!" she shakes her head and I slam my fist against the wall again.

"Ana doesn't want you right now Christian! She's too weak and needs to rest!" never has my mother shouted at me and I stumble back in shock at her anger. She opens the door but I remain still , doing as she says "I will come for you when Ana is ready , until then go and get your DNA results , and let us pray for some good news" and with that she slams the door behind her and leaves me alone.

I rush to the glass wall , watching as Ana is cleaned up and taken away from the surgery room. My heart follows her much further than my eyes do. Tears fall as the surgery lights switch off , plunging the viewing room into darkness as well.

The walk back too Victoria's room takes me longer than it did before , my body doesn't want to move anymore , it wants to give up and pretend none of this is happening , it wants to go home and be with my Ana and my new born baby boy , preparing for a life full of love and happiness , a life I never knew could exist until I met Ana.

I spot Dr Green entering Victoria's room and speed up , my tired limbs strain against the sudden burst in energy but I don't care , I am moments away from finding out if I really have lost everything that's ever meant anything to me because of a lie.

I smash through the door and notice Esmee crying , Dr Green is beside her as Esmee reads a piece of paper.

"Well?" Esmee looks up , her eyes are red with tears and a part of me already knows the answer.

"I'm so sorry Christian" she hands me the piece of paper.

"She's not my daughter"


	23. Waking up to the truth

**Hello to my lovely , loyal , readers.**

**I am once again so sorry for the stupidly long wait for this update but I have been moving back home from uni and internet has been extremely hard to find. **

**I am currently writing in Mykanos Greece so the next chapter may be influenced a little by my holiday hehe I hope you all don't mind. **

**Anyway I do have wifi here and plenty of time to write while sunbathing so I shall try and get more updates to you throughout the week , however I may fall asleep a lot but I shall try not too hehe**

**As always please respect that I am not a professional writer and this is my first story , reviews and follows are always appreciated. **

**Alexandra xxx**

* * *

**Anastasia's Pov**

"Ana? Anastasia, can you hear me?" a soft, almost melodic voice calls me and I sleepily open my eyes, blinking in the bright sunlight that has sneaked its way through the curtains into my small hospital room.

"Mom?" my voice is like a whisper, full of tiredness and confusion.

"It's Grace dear, your mother is on her way through and she should be landing within the hour. How are you feeling? Any aches or pains?" I shake my head in response but she's already examining my entire body, searching for any bruising or reactions which I may have endured during my surgery.

"Where's my baby Grace?" she stops examining my stomach, which does have a lot of bruising and is lined with a huge scar, and looks up at me. Warm but sad eyes meet mine and I have to gulp back my fear, automatically thinking the worst as per usual.

"He's weak Ana, but he's alive and he's gorgeous" the fact that he's weak makes me feel sick; my new born baby should be healthy and happy. It's because he's been born so early I know but there is a part of me that thinks it's my fault he's weak, because he has a weak mother.

"When can I see him, can you bring him to me?" she sits down beside me and takes my hand, her eyes are still warm but now concern and even a look of guilt fill them.

"Your weak as well Ana, we can't risk you holding him just in case…" she trails off but I finish the sentence for her.

"Just in case I drop him" she looks up quickly and shakes her head.

"No Ana, we know you would never drop him but it's just too much of a risk, you need to rest, and so does your baby" she takes my hand and I nod in understanding , secretly I don't care if she thinks I'm too weak , my baby needs me.

"What's his name?" Christian and I haven't had the chance to talk baby names, the drama with Esmee and Tori took his attention away from our baby.

"He hasn't got one yet, the nurses are calling him Baby Grey at the moment, and it suits him. He looks like Christian already" she smiles in Grandmother Pride and a huge wave of happiness washes over me, my baby may have been brought into this world due to stress and anger but he will live in a world where people will love him. I realise then that Christian must have been at the hospital when I went into surgery, has he already held Baby Grey?

"Is Christian here?" Grace , who had been looking at my chart after moving from my bedside , places the clipboard back in its holder at the end of my bed and nods softly , holding a hand to her head in motherly worry.

"He hasn't left since you were admitted Ana, he just sits in the waiting area looking at Baby Grey. I've tried to get him to go home and shower and sleep but he refuses , I just don't know what to do to help him" unfortunately Grace's words make me sad , I hate in when Christian is lost , especially when I know it's me who can make him feel better. But right now there's a big part of me that wants him to suffer, no make that needs to make him suffer, because this is his fault.

I know it sounds unfair but when I think about it , and I have thought about it a lot since my surgery , none of this would have happened if he had just spoken to me , told me how close he was getting to Esmee, I would have been able to help. How I would have done that I don't know but he never even gave me the chance , he just shut me out and made me feel like a useless little wife he didn't care about. He hurt me and now I have the chance to make him realise his mistakes, and if that makes me a bitch then so be it.

"Ana I know what Christian did hurt you, and I know it will take you a while to forgive him but please don't leave him , he needs you , and I know your hurting right now but I think you know how much you need him. You two are meant for each other and Baby Grey will help you two get over this. Yes it will be hard, and at times you will remember what he's done and want to run as far away as you can, but fight that urge for your family, because If you run away now you will never stop, and it will ruin you" I nod softly but don't respond, too many emotions are running through me, stopping me from thinking straight. I'm suddenly overwhelmed my tiredness and snuggle back into my pillows, feeling Grace rearrange my wires of medication and tucking my blankets around me tightly. She gently kisses my forehead and squeezes my hand as my eyes start to close, the last thing I see is her smile before allowing my tired eyes to close fully.

When I awake later on the room is dark, raised voices can be heard from outside and I sit up to try and hear what is being said.

"Let me in Mother" Christian! My heart starts beating frantically and I have to take a few deep breaths to calm myself. _Don't let him in, please Grace don't let him in _I repeat this over and over again , praying somehow that Grace will be able to hear me , how I expect her to hear my thoughts I don't know but I can't seem to stop my mind mantra.

"Christian please, go home and get some sleep" Grace's voice is firm and strong but I can imagine how hard this must be for her, especially since I can also imagine how broken Christian must be looking right now. Any mother would want to help their son, and to say no to them when you know that you're probably making them even more upset, must be heart-breaking for her.

"I can sleep later! I need to talk to her! It's imperative that I talk to her!" I can practically feel his desperation in his words; it's like a dagger to my heart hearing how desolate he really is feeling because of this.

"Christian you know I can't let you in, we spoke about this, Ana is still too weak!" authority rips through Grace's voice and I can't help but smile at how strong she really is , I can see where Christian has got his sternness from. A large bang startles me slightly and I stare at the door as it swings open, Grace's annoyed shouts following Christian as he strides over to my bedside, he's both angry and sad.

"CHRISTIAN GREY I SAID NO!" Grace is beside him as he stares down at me, tears fill his eyes but his fists are clenched, his body and mind are at war with each other it would seem.

"Hello Christian" I'm amazed at how calm I sound, my heart however isn't as calm and a little red light alerts Grace's attention from her angry son.

"Ana your blood pressure has spiked , Christian calm the hell down now before you cause more pain to poor Ana" I suddenly feel a tightness in my chest and place my hand over it to try and sooth the pain , it doesn't work and I glance at Grace's concerned face.

"Christian now!" his mother's words knock him out of his anger daze and he shakes his head before running a frustrated hand through his hair , which is obviously very greasy as it stands up in numerous directions when he removes his hand.

"I'm sorry" his voice is bleak, almost dead. The grey of his eyes is no longer shinny and full of life, they too are dead.

"I know" he doesn't move , just stands at the side of my bed staring at me , as if he can't believe I' m really alive. Which I guess is understandable considering the high risks my surgery had.

"No Ana you don't understand. I really am sorry. I'm sorry for everything" it's scary how long it's been since he's moved , his body is so still , as if he's completely frozen with emotion.

"Christian I know, but Grace is right, you can't be here right now. We do have to talk but I'm not ready" his eyes cloud over with sadness and he unclenches his fists, his tear filled eyes release and his cheeks become soaked.

"Christian no not now" Grace is beside him in seconds , leading him away from me , my heart screams at me to follow him or at least call him back to me , but my head says no , tells me to be strong and make him feel this pain he so needs to understand. So I stay silent and watch a broken man walk away. I'm just about to let myself cry to when he stops and turns towards me, I hold my breath.

"We have a son, did they tell you?" hope fills his body like a gas and he suddenly looks more alive.

"Yes, Grace told me he's gorgeous" I smile softly but it's a polite smile, the kind you give an old teacher you had years ago and don't really remember when passing them in the street.

"He's perfect" he smiles and it's like I can see the young man he is yearning to come out and rejoice with me in our new-borns arrival, but he can't because I won't let him. He drops his smile and looks back up at me "he needs a name, I wanted us to do it together" I bite my lip and shake my head. To say he looks even more broken sounds impossible but I think that line breaks him the most, his eyes close and his body shakes in despair "I understand, I am sure whatever name you choose will suit him wonderfully, he is extremely lucky to have you as his mother. I'm told he looks like me but I keep wishing for him to look like you"

"You haven't seen him yet?" he shakes his head slowly, Grace places her hand on his shoulder and he sends her a small smile in thanks.

"Only through the nursery window" he pauses and meets my eyes, the light grey pools make my heart beat increase but I push my longing away and focus on his words instead "I want you to hold him first" he says softly, almost whispering privately to me.

"Thank you Christian" he nods quickly and turns back towards the door; Grace is waiting for him and places an arm around his shoulder in soft comfort. I close my eyes as I hear the door click as it closes behind them.

The next few days sees me having to endure numerous tests and injections , all of which are to see just how far I'm coming in my recovery , if you ask me it's a huge waste of time , time I could be spending with my little boy. I still haven't seen him and the longing I have to hold him is physically killing me, I sit for hours in my bed imaging how he looks, hoping he has my hair and Christian eyes. I even wonder what he will smell like, which sounds odd I know but it's what I do to pass the time when I'm alone, I think of my son and he cheers me up.

I haven't heard from Christian since I woke up , but that doesn't mean he's left me alone , instead he's been to every nurse and doctor and made sure they are taking care of me properly , even making sure the hospital provides my favourite foods and when I'm taken down for baths I am given my usual brands of cosmetics. He's also had me moved to a bigger room fitted with a large window and a flat screen TV, something I'm guessing he's personally brought for this room. It's all very sweet of him but I can't help but feel like he's just throwing money at this to try and solve our problems , which is what he's done his whole life , but I need more than just material stuff, I need him to understand why I am the way I am. Is that really so much to ask?

"Ana?" I look up from my bed and instantly smile as I spot Kate and Elliott waiting at the doorway to my room "can we come in?" I nod frantically and she practically runs to my bedside, clutching me to her chest in a tight embrace.

"Ouch! Kate can't breathe, can't breathe" she releases me instantly and clutches her hands to her chest apologetically.

"Opps sorry Ana, got a little carried away, forgot my own strength" I shake my head playfully and roll my eyes in pretend exasperation.

"Oh what are you like" she shrugs her small shoulders and I giggle, watching as she sits down elegantly in the armchair. Elliott leans over me and kisses my cheek softly, smiling as he pulls back.

"You alright Ana?" I smile and nod softly. He's dressed very smart in a dark grey suit, white shirt and a black tie, his hair is gelled back handsomely and his wrist holds a big expensive watch. Kate too is dressed very formally in a stunning black strapless dress with a delicate peal neck decoration and a soft silver cardigan , her hair is also perfectly curled and her makeup flawless.

"Have you two just come from a wedding or something?" my question makes them both freeze and Kate looks up at Elliott with an awkward expression, it's as if she's asking permission to tell me something, I instantly start worrying "what's wrong?" she looks away from me and takes a deep breath, her eyes are troubled and there is obvious tension in her shoulders as she turns back to look at me.

"We've just returned from a funeral Ana" instant tears spring to my eyes as a list of people I love comes to my head and I imagine them dying.

"Who's?" she takes a deep breath in pause but I push her to tell me straight away "tell me Kate"

"Jose's"


	24. End of not knowing

**Hello readers! **

**Bet you weren't expecting that big twist at the end of chapter 23 hey haha! **

**Explanations for what's happened will be in the next few chapters alongside some big Christian/Ana scenes.**

**As for this chapter let us final reveal who Victoria Gold belongs to and how her father and mother met. Bring on the flashbacks.**

**By the way for all of you who are interested I am seriously sunburnt out here In Mykanos! Wish I was back where the sun isn't so hot, actually no scrap that because today I spent all my time writing this chapter on a sunny beach. Jealous anyone? Hehe **

**Love you all!**

**Alexandra "Alexandria (Greek version of my name)" xxxxx**

* * *

**Esmeralda's Pov**

I sit patiently beside my daughter as the nurses run their final tests , checking her blood pressure and heart rate before moving down to examine the now stitched up wound in her stomach , the bullet has been surgically removed but the scar will never heal , she will never be able to forget this incident , and neither will I.

I stand up and walk towards the small window, looking out at the busy Seattle street below, marvelling at the normal people who have no idea what has gone on right under their noses, they wake up to go to their mundane little jobs and yet I have to watch as surgeons and doctors fight against the clock to save my little girls life. It all seems too much to be real , A mad woman abducted my child and when the man she thought to be her father came to rescues her she was shot , it's as if I've had a nightmare and am yet to wake up from the horrifying things around me , but it's not a dream. The scar on Tori's stomach shows me that this is real, this is happening.

"Mommy? Mommy are you there?" I move away from the window and smile as Tori opens her eyes for the first time since we arrived, almost five days ago now. She gives me a weak smile as I take her hand and kiss her forehead softly.

"Hello my brave little girl" her eyes shift uneasily and my heart sinks, she's still scared, scared that her nightmare will return in the form of that woman. Leila.

"Mommy , is she here , that lady from the front door , is she still here?" tears stream down her cheeks as she remembers the night she was taken , pure fear racks her tiny body as she starts sobbing uncontrollably. I take her in my arms, sitting down beside her so she can fully snuggle into me.

"She's gone Tori, she's gone forever. I promise that you will never ever see that woman again" she sobs into my shoulder, soaking my dress with her tears; I have to take deep breaths to stop myself sobbing with her. These past few days have pushed me to the edge of my emotions and now I am left to deal with the aftermath, fear, joy, sadness, they all roll into one inside me making me feel suffocated.

I have to talk to Christian, just to tell him how sorry I am for putting him through so much for no reason, even if it means him telling me to fuck off and leave his life forever I still feel the need to tell him why I did what I did, I need him to understand that I never intended to hurt him, would never want to cause him pain. But then I honestly don't know why I told him I knew for sure that he was Tori's father when I've never been sure , but how can any mother be sure? Okay that's stupid for me to say but honestly how am I supposed to remember, I was young and scared. I don't even remember sleeping with any man but Christian, well except for that night in May, when Christian had given me a black eye and I'd called it quits. If only I could remember the name of that young man, the man with the blue shirt.

* * *

"Esmeralda!" I cover my ears as my best friend Morgan runs over to me, something I find very impressive considering she's wearing six inch black heels and a tight fitting fuchsia pink dress. She's standing at the bar with her boyfriend Jamie when I arrive at Granger, one of Seattle's up and coming night spots and also one of the only clubs in Seattle not owned by my lord and master Christian Grey. A man who is probably pacing his red room in pure unadulterated rage right about now because I've refused to come over tonight , which goes against everything in our contract , but who can blame me? I'll do a lot in that room but being hit across the face for not standing straight enough is pushing it too far , he needs to realise I am human and to mark me so obviously , a black eye the size of Africa on my right eye , is just not acceptable.

"Morgan slow down!" I giggle as I catch her in a big bear hug, conscious that I may not have put my concealer on thick enough and my bruise will be visible, thankfully the lights have been dimmed and neon flashing lights fill the elegant space of the club.

"What I'm excited! It's been weeks since I saw you! Why have you become some sort of recluse? You never ever come out anymore!" I giggle once again at my small friend, taking in her tiny frame and slim waist alongside her Barbie blonde curls and sky blue eyes, she's a little stunner.

"You haven't lost your dramatic attitude yet then hey?" she shakes her head playfully, making her short curls bounce around her small face.

"Nope, serious people are just too…" she trails off as she thinks about what word to use.

"Serious?" I suggest with a smile, smoothing down my own figure hugging black dress and taking my long brunette hair out of its practical ponytail so it tumbles over my shoulders. I'm nowhere near as pretty as Morgan but I'm far from ugly, at least that's what Christian said once, right before he spanked me with a spiked paddle. Remembering that night makes a delicious shudder through me, but I hide it by pretending I'm chilly.

"Hey Esmee girl" I smile a hello as Jamie , Morgan's boyfriend of 3 years , slides in next to her and hugs her to him with an arm around her waist. He's dressed smartly in a button down shirt and grey slacks; his light blonde hair is wavy around his smooth facial features.

"Hey Jamie how's work?" I ask politely , one of the awkward things about being with Christian is that Jamie works as an executive at Grey Enterprises and Holdings and from what I've overheard he's close to become ex-executive if he doesn't stop taking days off to spend with Morgan. I don't tell him this of course; Christian would go mental if he knew I had listened into his phone calls after our sessions together.

"Uh same old really, we've just been given a contract for an international catering company called Mad Hat Catering and the owner is being a little too eager to sell, which is obviously a little suspicious considering the company is making them a very rich individual" I try my best to look interested but in all honesty I don't really care about Jamie's job right now because he works for Christian and I am desperately trying to forget about him.

"Jamie your boring Esmee! She's only been here two minutes and you talk business with her!" I giggle as Morgan playfully slaps her boyfriend, whose eyes are trained lovingly on his beautiful girlfriend, he giggles as well before sweeping her up in an embrace and kissing her passionately. I smile shyly at their very public display of affection, waiting for them to separate. They don't and soon it becomes very awkward just watching as they get it on, I tap Morgan on the shoulder and point towards the bar, and she smiles as Jamie attacks her neck with kisses and gives me a little wave.

"Malibu and Coke please" I lean back against the bar and spot Jamie and Morgan again , his hands are all over her slim body and I instantly remember Christians hands on me , my body warms and a hot sensation rushes over my most private areas "actually make it a double vodka and coke" the barman smiles at me and starts making my drink , he's good looking in that exotic way with his dark eyes and black hair , not really my type but good for a one night kinda thing. I push the thought from my mind quickly, downing my drink just as it's placed in front of me, I motion for a second and he winks at me, making my stomach turn. I want Christian not this guy, what am I doing thinking about one night stands!

"Hard night?" I look around to see who's just spoken to me and my eyes land on a gorgeous man stood just next to me, his finger pointed towards my empty glass. He's quite tall with sandy blonde hair and sea blue eyes which match his button down shirt perfectly; his jeans look expensive and are excellently fitted to his lean legs. Overall he looks like some Abercrombie and Finch model mixed with Alex Petteryfer.

"Oh um yea a little" I smile shyly as my second drink is handed to me , I go to my purse to get my money but the handsome man gives the barman his card and winks at me , I try to object but he silences me with a raised eyebrow.

"So come on then" he sits down at the stall and I follow , pulling my dress over my knees as best I can , unfortunately its stupidly short and I suddenly feel very exposed in front of this handsome stranger. Thank God I thought to wear tights.

"Come on what?" I sip my drink this time, noticing how a beer has been placed in front of him which he takes a long sip from, his beautiful eyes trained on me.

"Come on and tell me what's wrong, it's obvious you're troubled about something, and the best way to deal with things I've found is to talk them through with someone who cares" I smile at his confidence.

"You don't even know me and yet you care?" I can feel my confidence grow as well as he raises his eyebrows playfully, placing his beer back on the bar and leaning forward on his stool.

"I care with all my heart miss …" he motions for me to fill the space with my name and I find my cheeks glowing redder , I really shouldn't be doing this, Christian would go absolutely mental at me. The kind of punishment he'd give me for something like this would really hurt, but I just can't resist this God of a man.

"Esmeralda" his eyes widen at my unusual name but soon his mouth is widening in a truly irresistible smile.

"A beautiful name for a beautiful woman" he pauses as I giggle then shakes his head at his own cheesy line "okay I need to apologise for that it was complete cheese" I can't contain the laughter this causes and I notice he too is laughing alongside me. I can literally feel the stress from my earlier phone call with Christian melt away as I laugh alongside my stranger.

"I'm Ethan" he holds out his hand and I place mine in it, blushing as he places a soft kiss on the top of it. "Now Esmeralda tell me what's wrong and we'll see if we can make you smile all night long" I smile happily and start talking, okay so I don't tell him the whole truth because I've signed a non-disclosure agreement and Christian would probably kill me if I mentioned his name but I do tell him about a boyfriend who I've had an argument with and that he's not as committed to our relationship as I'd wish. Ethan stays silent while I explain how I feel for him and that I'm scared I'm falling for a man who is unable to love someone back , watching as his eyes stay locked on my face and not my chest like all the other blokes I've come across in bars. He really seems to be paying attention to me and I find myself becoming completely comfortable around him. I come to the end of my speech and take a big gulp of my drink, practically draining the small glass. Ethan watches me intently before grabbing my hand to get my attention, his eyes stare into mine and I find myself holding my breath in case he kisses me.

"You deserve so much better Esmeralda" his words shock me and I let go of his hand, standing from my stool abruptly.

"I shouldn't have told you anything, I think it's best if I go. Thank you for the drink" I grab my bag and turn towards the dance floor, fixated on making it to the door at the end of the room.

"Esmeralda wait!" I try to walk quicker but my heels and a very crowded dance floor stop me from making the speedy exit I'd hoped for. I bash into Morgan, who is still making out with Jamie, but she breaks away from him when she sees my face. I shake my head when she tries to talk to me and she steps back so I can pass, grabbing my hand she squeezes it reassuringly and I send her a quick smile before disappearing into the dark street.

I gulp back deep breaths of air as I stop just outside the club, music filters out and the cold air carries it out along the sidewalk. Looking over my shoulder I spot Ethan approaching fast and take off down the sidewalk towards a small park, my feet are aching as I pound the pavement in my heels, for some reason I'm not running because I'm scared of him but because I'm ashamed of what I've told him, ashamed that he's worked out what I've been telling myself for nearly two months now. I do deserve better than letting a man I love beat me, and that is what this has become, at first I enjoyed the BDSM and loved being controlled so fully but now I'm just a walking punching bag for Christian. And what hurts the most is I love him , love him so much I want to give him what I know he needs , but at what price?

"Esmeralda please stop" he races after me as I turn into the park , I look back just as my heel catches on an uneven piece of pavement and I end up falling through the air towards the hard stone below, I cover my face and brace myself for the pain. I crash against the cold stone and yelp out as my bare knee slides along the floor and my ankle snaps within the strap of my silly heels. I lay still for a few seconds, trying to work out if my ankle is broken or just very painful.

"Jesus are you okay?" I feel arms around me but I'm too dazed from my fall to register who they belong too , soon I feel weightlessness as I'm lifted into arms and held against someone's chest. It's a strong chest; it belongs to someone who works out regularly. My head has started hurting and my eyes are suddenly very heavy, did I hit my head when I fell? I do vaguely remember my head colliding with the concrete but it seems like a distant memory not something that literally just happened.

I feel my eyes start to close and snuggle into the person who's carrying me's chest , grasping hold of their shirt like a child as they carry me with ease. It's not long before I'm fast asleep.

I open my eyes and have to stifle my gasp as I take in my beautiful surroundings , I'm in an interior designers heaven. Crisp white walls with huge landscape portraits of numerous countries around the world , deep brown oak wood flooring with stylish yet comforting rugs dotted around , and a beautiful white leather sofa that takes up the entire corner of the largish room baking onto a floor to ceiling window giving me a stunning view over Seattle's skyline. Overall I feel like I've awoken in some dream apartment. The scary thing is I don't have a clue how I got here or who I came here with.

"Hello?" I call out softly; I'm on some sort of white leather chaise lounge chair with a deep blue comforter thrown over me. My shoes have been removed and rather worryingly so have my tights, leaving my legs bare and exposed beneath my extremely short dress.

"Sleeping beauty awakens, how's your head?" I look up as a handsome young man enters, from what I'm guessing is a kitchen as he's carrying two cups of something hot in his hands, he's dressed in black joggers with a sky blue vest which shows off his muscular arms perfectly, the sweat on the front of the vest tells me he's been working out not long ago.

"Um sorry to be rude but who the hells are you? And why was I asleep here?" he raises an eyebrow at me as he places the cups down , his eyes are the same shade as his vest and I could see myself getting lost in their beauty. His lips curl into a confused smile as he sits across from me.

"You can't be serious Esmeralda" I flinch slightly, how the hell does this man know my name, and why do I feel a deep need to move closer to him?

"How do you know my name?" he frowns slightly before rubbing a hand against his forehead , I notice he's not wearing a wedding ring which makes me smile , a smile I whip away before he notices.

"Because you told me it, at the bar, remember?" he leans forward towards me, obviously both surprised and annoyed I've forgotten our supposed meeting "Jesus Esmeralda I know I saw you hit your head when you tripped but I didn't expect it to give you bloody memory loss!" he stands quickly and starts pacing the elegant room, his strides filling the space with ease.

"I'm sorry, I wish I remembered honestly I do, but there's nothing. Can I leave now?" I know I should just get up and run away, after all this is a strange apartment and I'm alone with a strange, but extremely good looking, man. It's a recipe for bad if you ask me. I'm just about to stand up when he places his hands either side of me and leans into my face, his lips inches from mine as his eyes scan my face.

"You really can't remember anything? Not the two double vodka and cokes you had, which could account for why you fell" I shake my head no and he sighs exasperatedly "oh wait what about you telling me about your boyfriend, this argument you had today and how you wish he would commit more to you?" those words fire through me, igniting my memories of the past few hours. Christian, my argument with him about the bruise to my right eye, I place my hand over my eye and press down, gasping when I feel a stinging pain. He must be telling the truth! I must have told him something.

"Come on Esmee remember" I look up at him, smiling at the need that seems to have filled his eyes, he's desperate for me to remember him and it warms my heart instantly. That's when the memories return.

"Ethan" his smile takes my breath away as I say his name again "your name is Ethan" he nods and laughs softly as he sits beside me and takes my hand in his , stroking my skin with his finger , suddenly I remember me running away from him , remember the fall I took.

"Esmeralda I'm sorry I said what I said, it wasn't my place and I feel completely responsible for this whole accident" I shake my head softly.

"There is no need for you to apologise, your right, I guess I do deserve better, but I love him" a stray tear escapes my eye causing my makeup to smudge slightly, scared my bruise may become visible I move away from him. He stops me quickly and takes my hand away from my eye, his entire stance changes as he spots the darkened skin.

"Esmeralda, what aren't you telling me about this boyfriend of yours" he's completely trained on my bruise now and I hang my head in shame, no one should know about this. Christian didn't mean it, it was an accident, and no one should see this. I turn away and stand abruptly, grabbing my bag and hunting for my shoes.

"I need to go" he grabs my arm then and spins me towards him, grasping my waist with a strong arm as his lips press against mine. Hot and powerful are the two words I can think best to describe his kiss , a possessive yet passionate release of sexual lust rushes between us as my arms wrap around his neck , allowing him to draw me closer to his body.

"Let me take care of you , even for one night , let me show you how a man should treat a woman as beautiful as you" his clichéd words wash over me as I nod my agreement , silencing him with a kiss before being lifted back into his arms and carried towards his bedroom.

* * *

That night we made love 5 times, slow and passionately, hot and rough. We were entwined with each other in a way I'd never ever experienced with Christian. Even now I still feel like Ethan and I shared something that night that can never be matched , yes I loved Christian but I also fell in love with Ethan , however what I did to him means if I ever was to meet him again he'd probably tell me to fuck off and leave him the hell alone.

* * *

When I awaken the next morning I instantly realise the mistake I've made. Ethan's arm is wrapped around me, pulling my naked body against him as he sleeps soundly. Dread and guilt wash over me as I replay last night's events, the two double vodka's on an empty stomach, the sickening jealousy I felt watching Morgan and Jamie on the dance floor, the phone call to Christian.

Oh God Christian! What the hell is he going to do when he finds out? And he will find out, he always finds out. There is no way; no way in hell I can hide this from him. I shudder at how much pain he will make me endure in punishment; will he at least make sure my bruises can be covered?

"Mmmm I could get use to waking up to someone as beautiful as you every morning" I smile as Ethan sleepily kisses me , his arm wrapping around my waist before laying over me with lust filled eyes. I can see where this is going and need to put a stop to this right away, I can't cheat again.

"Ethan I need to go" I try to move away but he's already trailing kisses down my stomach , his hands parting my thighs leisurely , I clamp them closed and pull his face up to mine , his sleepy grin makes my heart contract with an unknown emotion.

"God your beautiful" he leans up and silences any words I may have tried to mutter with a passion filled kiss , pushing my legs back open so he can slide between them , his morning glory pressing against my stomach.

"Ethan I seriously need to go!" he ignores me , playfully kissing my neck and grinning against my skin as I moan involuntarily , it's like he's found a hotwire to my pleasure.

"That's not what your body's saying to me babe" he kisses my neck again before sliding into me, making me arch my back in pure pleasure. I moan out as he kisses me over and over again, making me wants him more and more.

By the time we've brought each other to our climax, five times for both of us, it's nearly half past two. Ethan is in the shower while I potter around the kitchen, trying to find us something to eat for lunch. That's when I notice my phone , discarded with the rest of my things , its incoming call light is shining brightly and I remember turning it onto silent when I hung up on Christian , after I told him the contract was done.

"Shit!" I rush over to the little device and scan the screen, _UNKNOWN _shines back up at me and I take a deep breath before answering "Hello?"

"Esmeralda where the fuck have you been?" my heart sinks at the anger in Christian's voice and I have to take the phone away from my mouth to stifle a soft sob.

"I told you Christian, the contract it's over, I won't "I take another deep breath as tears threaten to invade my call "I won't be treated like that, you know my limits and you pushed me too far" he's silent and I feel myself worrying that he's hung up on me "Christian? Sir?" I can vaguely hear someone else talking in the background and am amount to hang up when he speaks again, his voice is back to his beautifully husky tone.

"Your right Esmee , I shouldn't have done what I did , I forgot your limits and I hurt you and for that I am truly sorry , please come back to me so I can show you that I understand your limits and respect what you are and aren't willing to do , let me show you that I understand you" never has he spoken to me like this before , showing me that he does have some care in him for me , it's like a flame to my ever growing love for him. I suddenly feel a painful urge to go to him, to feel him dominate and control my world once again, for him to be my world once again.

"Okay" is all I can say but his smile is practically audible as he sighs down the line.

"Thank you Esmee, go to your apartment and wait, Taylor will collect you for dinner with me at half eight" my breath stops. Dinner, he's taking me for dinner before a session. Like a date, we're going on a date. The joy I feel right now cannot be described. I hang up my phone just as Ethan enters the kitchen, he's wearing grey joggers and a black vest, his hair is still damp from the shower and it drips down my neck as he comes behind me and kisses my neck.

"Hey beautiful, you find something for us to eat or can I just have you for lunch" I smile awkwardly but he doesn't notice, he's too busy laughing at his own cheesiness as he hunts through his cupboards and fridge for food. I hesitant slightly and he turns towards me , his eyes narrowed in confusion "hey what's wrong with you babe?" he reaches an arm out to grab me by the waist but I stand back out of his reach , unable to look him in the eye.

"I have to go" he smiles once more and again reaches for my hip, making me step back even further away this time.

"Babe I can tell you want to stay , Its fine I want you to stay as well , heck I'd be thrilled if you moved in right now" he throws his arms up in obvious joy before jumping up on his breakfast table , he's so happy that it breaks my heart. I know he's happy because he's falling for me and I can't love him, I love another.

"I mean it Ethan; I have to go back to my boyfriend" I can't look him in the eye as I move around the apartment, collecting my bits and pieces which were removed from me over the course of last night.

"Back to a man that gave you that black eye, really? Save me the bullshit Esmeralda" his anger rips through me like a knife and I have to hold my breath so he doesn't see how pained I am feeling.

"I love him" this makes him angry , super angry , and it's not long before he's jumping off the breakfast bar and grabbing me , turning me to face him , pulling my face up so I have to stare into those beautiful eyes.

"You love him so much that you were able to make love with me last night and this morning? Your lying Esmeralda and it doesn't suit you so tell me what's going on right this second" more tears fill my eyes as I see his rage but also see the hurt I'm causing him , this wasn't just sex for him , it was love making and that makes things extremely complicated. I know what I must do to make him move on, make him forget this hurt. But I'm worried I'll never be able to forgive myself for doing it.

"It wasn't love Ethan, it was sex. I was drunk and vulnerable. I guess you could even say you raped me" his eyes shoot out in pure unadulterated pain as I mutter that ugly word, his arms release their hold on me and I step back , holding my hand to my stomach in case I'm sick with embarrassment for what I've just said.

"Get out" my heart shatters slightly as the life that was in his eyes dies instantly, turning him dark from the inside out.

"Ethan" he cuts me off with a raised hand.

"I said get the fuck out of my apartment Esmeralda" I nod in understanding and pick the last bit of my things off the floor , wiping my tears away as I step through the front door , feeling myself flinch as he slams it behind me. That's when I let myself cry.

* * *

"Esmee?" I snap out of my daydream as I hear my name being called, my heart leaps as I instantly recognise his voice. Turning round I gasp as he stands beside Tori, his eyes trained on her lips which look like his, his eyes taking in her light hair and high cheekbones which parry up with his same gentle features. He's slightly older but the years make him look more mature and healthy, his skin is positively glowing from what looks like a recent holiday abroad. His fashion sense is more sophisticated , perhaps he's become richer since that night all those years ago , now instead of jeans he's in crisp black dress pants and a dark grey shirt with a sea green tie , his hair is style sexily as well. He looks like Tori which makes my stomach twist and turn.

"Ethan how did you…" he cuts me off with a pointed look before returning his eyes to Tori, watching her as she sleeps soundly.

"She's my daughter isn't she?" he doesn't even look at me as the words leave his lips, making my heart break slightly; there's no joy in his voice. I can practically hear the regret he feels.

"Yes, yes she is" Ethan's face crumbles as he hears the confirmation and I turn back to the window as tears of guilt rush down my cheeks.


	25. Daddy Day

**Readers! :)**

**Hello hello hello to you all , **

**I have exactly two days left in Mykanos and am dreading going back to my small little uni flat, curse me for only booking a week! **

**Anyway in regards to this chapter we're going back to how Ethan learned he was Tori's father , we also see Christian's prospective on Esmee's black eye incident which lead to Ethan and Esmee meeting. **

**I have to warn you that there is a lot more 'adult only' content in this chapter so be prepared for some good old 50 shades of grey action during Christian's flashback hehe**

**Please keep reviewing and following as I love keeping up to date with you all , also remember to follow me Alexandra_Zeola , you may even see some pic's of where I've been staying and writing these past few days. **

**Lots of love from Mykanos**

**Alexandra xxxxx **

* * *

**Christian POV**

I stand staring at the small life I've helped create through the glass screen of the nursery room and feel my heart physical contract within my chest. My son, my little baby boy, and I can't hold him, can't even give him a name. Its breaking me inside and out that he is so close and yet it's my fault he can't be with me.

How could I let this happen? How could I have screwed up my life this much in such a small amount of time? Its terrifying how close I came to forever losing Ana and my baby boy , Ana was so weak when she went into labour that the surgery nearly killed her , but she was strong , like she always is , and she woke up. However in waking up she also realised what I had caused , what I had risked all for a lie , it's no surprise really that she wants me out of our son's life. She wants her son to live a life of happiness and love , not lies and deceit.

Sitting down, at the small row of metal chairs in front of the nursery window, I replay the last time I saw my wife, the day she woke up, she was polite to me, I guess you could even say she was kind, which in a sick way makes me even more upset because her anger would have also shown her despair at what's happened. If she'd been angry I could tell myself she is hurting , that she loves me still , but by the formal politeness she showed me, tells me she's lost all hope of every forgiving the terrible way I treated her.

"Christian?" I look up at the sound of my name and give a brief nod to Ethan as he comes and sits beside me , his eyes are cold which tells me Mia has briefed him on everything that's happened, I'm guessing he's come to lecture me for ruining the best things that's ever happened to me. I stare at the nursery window waiting for him to begin his long speech of my wrongs but he doesn't say anything , instead he places a hand on my shoulder in a gesture of support and comfort , I glance over at him and he too is staring at the nursery window , his blue eyes trained on the cot marked "Baby Grey".

"He's gorgeous" I smile as I look back at my little boy , sound asleep in his light blue baby grow , his hair is already dark and his features are petite and cute like his mothers , in my eyes he is perfection.

"Thanks" there's a silence between us for a while as we both watch my son fidget in his sleep , his little hands opening and closing slowly as if he's grasping something in his dream. I long to go to him and hold him against my chest , to kiss his forehead and tell him that he is not alone , that I will always be there to love and protect him.

"What's his name? Mia was a little vague on the details, actually all she did was shout and scream at me to get my arse here as quickly as I could, I had to pay three hundred quid more for our flight cus they only had first class seats available" he chuckles softly and I notice he has a tan on his arms, his hair is more bleached which I'm guessing means he's been in the sun recently. Actually come to think of it Mia too had a certain sun kissed look to her as well.

"Where you and Mia on vacation?" he glances at me quickly then back at the nursery window, gulping back some air, I notice sweat forming on his brow giving away his nervousness "Ethan? What do you need to tell me?" he shakes his head , then thinks about something before taking a deep breath.

"I took Mia to Venice" I nod my head slowly , waiting for him to continue cus I can tell there's more to this spontaneous trip.

"Ana?" he gulps air down again before standing up and straightening his shirt.

"And I asked her to marry me while we were there , she said yes and so now we're planning a wedding for after Christmas , perhaps March or April , its Mia's choice" his words tumble out of his mouth as he paces the small corridor , his panic is evident because he can't look me in the eye. He stops pacing and turns towards me , his young eyes scream with panic and I find myself laughing , something which makes my too be brother in law frown "what the hell are you laughing at?" I try to stand but my laughter gets the better of me , making me hold my stomach as I continue to fill the hallway with my loud laughing "Christian seriously stop laughing!" I regain my calm and stand up slowly , placing my hand on his shoulder while he just scowls at me.

"Calm down Kavanagh , I'm laughing because your ridiculously panicked and you have no need to be , I'm thrilled your marrying Mia" okay so maybe thrilled isn't the best word to describe my feelings towards this unplanned engagement but then I love my little sister and I have seen how happy she is with Ethan. Who am I to stop her being with the person she loves?

"You are?" his voice shakes with disbelief and I have to stop myself from once again bursting into giggles , to think I intimidate him this much just thrills me.

"Of course! Mia and you are in love , anyone can see that. Just do yourself a favour and wait until the family are a little less preoccupied with my son to tell them the good news okay? I'm afraid Baby Grey outranks an engagement completely" he smiles as I playfully punch his shoulder , knocking him off balance slightly. Behind those eyes though I can see he too his annoyed at me , he's trying to hide it because he's now engaged to my sister and doesn't want to anger anyone but it's there , hidden behind his kindness. He too wants to slap me for hurting someone as precious as Ana.

"You know you're a basterd still right?" his blunt comments knocks me a little and I stare down at him , he's only an inch or so smaller than me but every little helps when it comes to intimidation , however right now I don't even have my height to keep me protected because Ethan's eyes cut right through my defences and make me feel guilty all over again. I slouch down in the chair I've just vacated and stare at my baby once again , feeling him give me a sense of hope that I've not lost everything , he's still there in front of me , even if he is behind a sheet of glass.

"What made you do it man? I mean it makes no sense, you adore Ana, how you could forget that for this Emmy woman" I smile at Mia's obvious hole in relaying information to her fiancée.

"Her name's Esmee and in truth Ethan I have no idea what was going through my head , I just panicked and before I knew it Victoria , Esmee's daughter , was calling me Daddy and I let her , I don't know why but I did" my shoulders shake slightly as I remember the moment I found out Esmee had been lying , feeling that crush of shame wash over me as I realised what I'd done to Ana, My eyes fill with tears once more but I hide them instantly , I have cried before but never ever in front of Ethan , I need to keep my scary big brother act for Mia's new fiancée.

"Esmee, huh , Mia said Emmy" I shake my head at the incorrect name and stand up , wandering over to the nursery window as a nurse picks my son up and takes him out the room. Perhaps Ana's strong enough to hold him now? My son may have a name before this day is over.

Theodore, I like the name Theodore.

"Christian?" I snap out of my daydream and turn back towards Ethan, he's eyebrows are raised in confusion and he looks to be waiting for me to say something. "What did you say?" he smiles at my lapse of memory and straightens in his chair, an annoyingly smug look on his face.

"I said did you fancy her, this Esmee woman?" anger spikes through me and I don't even think before I grab him by the neck, lifting him up so he's feet are dangling in the air. Fear courses through him as he tries to choke out an apology.

"Look Kavanagh you may be Ana's friend and yes I know I fucked up but don't you dare think you can make a joke of any of this , understand!" he nods while gasping for breath , I take that as him understanding and drop him quickly , stepping back as he falls to the floor in a heap of coughing and wheezing.

"Jesus Christ what is wrong with you , no wonder Ana wants you away from her baby" I roll my eyes in annoyance as Kate's voice filters down the hallway, she's running full pelt towards her still coughing brother.

"Not in the mood right now Kate" I turn to walk away from the two Kavanaghs but am stopped by my older brother , his eyes are dead set on mine and I find myself dying of shame inside. For once in our lives I've fucked up more than Elliott and it's clear by the arrogant look on his face that he's going to make me pay for this mistake.

"Sit your arse down Christian , we need to talk with you" I stay standing , meeting my brothers intense eyes , shifting my weight onto both my feet so I'm more stable.

"Where's my son" I snap at him but he doesn't even flinch, his eyes are dead with emotion but his anger inside radiates off his body.

"With his mother, someone who loves him fully unlike their failure of a father" I hear Kate's snarl of disgust at me from behind but don't give her the satisfaction of saving her words of hate to my face.

"Please try and control your fiancée Elliott, there are babies trying to sleep in the next room and I highly doubt they want to wake up to her screeching voice" I move aside as I sense Kate's punch but feel no impact, turning around slightly I see how Ethan has got his breath back and is now restraining his slightly deranged looking sister. I laugh at her failed punch and turn back towards my brother.

I'm taken by surprise as a force hits my chest , sending me backwards fast before hitting the hard marble floor with a harsh thud , my back instantly stings and my eyesight becomes slightly glazed.

"What the fuck was that for?" my eyesight returns and I spot Elliott above me; he's massaging his right fist from due to the impact it took when he punched me.

"That was to shut you up" I attempt to get up but am pushed back down by my brothers foot , he doesn't crush me, but his weight stops me from regaining my standing position "this is to keep you quiet while Kate asks you a few questions , questions you are going to answer Christian or so help me God I'll beat the crap out of you" I have to say I am scared , my brothers has never laid a finger on me , not once , but now he looks positively prone to kill me. This just shows how much of an impact Ana has had on my family, and how much they must hate me for hurting her the way I have. My heart sinks as I realise what a lowlife my actions have made me, even to my own family.

"Ask away Kate" I keep my eyes on my brother while Kate sits beside me on one of the metal chairs, she's dressed in a very formal dress but she looks completely drained of energy. I think about asking her where she's been but the look in her eyes tells me I'll just get slapped. I remain silent until she asks the first question.

"Firstly I want to know who Esmee is and why she claimed you were her daughter's father" I shudder as I remember the first night Esmee came over with Tori, she had looked so lost and I had taken pity on her, had I known then that this was all a lie I could have saved so much, that was my biggest mistake.

"Esmeralda was an ex of mine, she and I had a difficult relationship and she left me, to this day I don't know why but I'm guessing she found out she was pregnant and I had made it clear I didn't want children, ever. She left and we never spoke again until she wrote to me regarding Victoria" this is the best way I can think of explaining my relationship with Esmee, I'm all for telling the truth but I really don't want my brother, Kate and Ethan knowing about my previous dark lifestyle.

"And you're sure the child's not yours?" I can see now why Kate wants to go into Journalism, she has a key eye for questioning and her tone is professional yet intimidating.

"One hundred per cent positive" the realisation that Esmee must have cheated on me during our contract sickens me, adding to my reasons to rid her of my world.

"Who is the father then? Did Esmee tell you she ever slept with someone else while you were together?" I shudder slightly as I think about her lying to me once again. I guess what they say is true, once a liar always a liar.

"I don't know, she never told me about any other men she was with, I was made to believe it was just me she was fucking" the spite in my voice makes Kate jump a little, I glance over at Ethan but he's not looking at me or his sister, instead he seems to be lost in some sort of memory.

"Ethan? You okay?" he looks positively ill, I try to sit up to check on him but Elliott's foot pushes me back to the floor hard "Fuck Elliott! Check on the poor guy would you , he looks like he's just seen a ghost" Elliott too then looks up at Ethan , studying the guys now pale face , his eyes are fully diluted and he's knee is quivering violently. Kate however still has her beady eyes trained on me.

"Stop getting distracted Christian, I still have more I want to know" I give up checking on Ethan and lean my head back against the floor, staring up at Kate.

"Fine, next question" she flips her hair off her shoulder and leans in to me, narrowing her blue eyes darkly.

"Why didn't you get a DNA test" that is the million dollar question and I can feel Elliott's eyes back on me, obviously eager to know the answer to this question as well.

"I don't know. I guess …" I trail off into silence , only to have Elliott's foot press down hard on my abdomen , making me yell out in pain "Fuck! Stop that!" I scream at him and he eases the pressure slightly, but not enough to stop the pain altogether.

"Straight answers Christian, why didn't you get the test?" Elliott snaps at me and I look away from the disgust in his eyes , of all the people I feel closest too in my family my brother and sister are top , to see Elliott so angry cuts deep into my soul.

"Because I didn't want to believe that someone I use to care for would deceive me like that, I wanted to believe that the world was good, not evil and dark anymore. Things in my life were finally becoming brighter and better, Ana had shown me what good life could bring and when Esmee and Tori came along I tried to see the good, I guess I just got swept up in it all. I lost control , I am sorry" I send my apology to Kate more than anyone , hurting Ana has made her the most angry out of everyone , mainly because Kate and Ana are like sisters as well as Kate being Ana's number one bodyguard against men , well before Ana met me anyway.

"Would Esmee have any reason to want to hurt you? Did you ever hurt her?" Kate's eyes bore into me and I look away, remembering the one night I lost myself in my darkness. The night I nearly lost her because of my rage. The one time I've ever hit a woman and it not been for my sexual desire.

"I hit her, it was one time and I have never forgiven myself" I wince as Elliott's foot smashes into my chest, his eyes glazed over with disgust.

"You hit a woman? Jesus Christian!" I can't look at him as he lifts his foot to collide with my chest once again , my chest heaves as I catch my breath in painful gasps , allowing him to hurt me for what I did.

"Mr Grey , Miss Gold has arrived" I nod a thank you to Taylor before dismissing him , checking he's out of sight before unlocking the playroom and going to my bedroom to change , knowing Esmee will make her way up the elevator and into the playroom as per usual.

My body is tingling in anticipation for this session , my day has been long and stressful as my control slips away within my own business , my money is tight and I am finding it harder and harder to keep my temper at bay with some of the idiots I've employed. I need the sweetness of Esmeralda's submission to calm the overgrowing stress I have building inside me, she is the only release I have and I am ready to take what she can give.

I change into my washed out jeans , leaving the button undone so there's nothing to distract me when the time comes to fuck my little Esmeralda , I rip off my shirt and grab some of the body lotion , I had Gail run to the store earlier on in preparation for tonight's experiment.

I'm just about to leave my bedroom when I spot my phone flashing , an incoming call , I growl in frustration , wanting to get to Esmee as soon as I can , glancing out my bedroom door to ensure Taylor is out of ear shot I grab my phone and answer , walking to the playroom as I speak.

"Yes?" I snap into the phone , expecting to hear the person on the other line gasp at my tone , instead I hear the soft melody of Elena's laughter float down the line and into my ear.

"What's wrong with you today? Did the cat not get the cream yet?" I stop outside my playroom door and glance inside, spotting Esmee's small body kneeling perfectly in her ordered position, the sight makes me stir with desire but Elena's laugh draws me back to her call.

"Not yet but it will when you hang up" she laughs again and I lean against the wall , letting the memories of her and I wash over me , no one can match up to Elena's skills when it comes to control , how I wish I could find a sub who pleasured me like she does.

"Oh how exciting for you, how does it feel to be a Master, a Sir to a beauty?" she purrs deliciously and my desire switches to one of ignited lust.

"It feels perfect, I have never been so powerful within my world, I crave to push her further and she lets me, I have her complete consent to do as I please with her body" once again I glance inside my dark room of pleasure and gaze upon Esmeralda's beauty, her soft skin exposed to me in her little undies, her hair flowing over her shoulders like a chocolate waterfall, enticing me into my world of darkness and sin, mixed with pain and pleasure.

"How hard have you pushed her?" there is a wickedness to her voice that I remember from my past, a voice of pure dark pain. However her confidence is still stronger than mine, she has no fear with her subs, never showing them mercy or compassion. I am yet to bruise Esmee, something Elena claims I need to do as this will mark her as mine, even if the bruise can be hidden.

"I am yet to mark her" I flinch as I hear her hiss of anger, imagining her slapping me in punishment, causing a spike of pleasure to rush through my blood.

"Damm it Christian! How many times must I tell you! You need to show her that she is your property, you own her and you are her Master! She will be expecting you to claim that right! Do not wimp out now!" I stutter an apology, feeling the weight of her power over me still.

"I'll do it tonight , I'll prove I control her" a sickening feeling washes over me as I think about actually hurting Esmee so much she'll bruise , however much I push her I've always made sure no marks have been left. I don't want to destroy her completely.

"Remember why you need this Christian, remember why this helps" I let her words sink in to my dark and broken soul, feeling them pierce the chest that is my heart.

I want to break Esmee, I want to mark and destroy her like my mother destroyed me.

"I'll do it tonight" my voice doesn't sound like me , it's darker and corrupted by my broken heart , a heart I wish I didn't process because the pain it holds is just too much for me to bear , I need to release this pain on someone.

And the willing submissive in my playroom will be that someone.

I hang up the phone and push it into my back pocket, throwing the lotion over the banister with vengeance, smiling darkly as I hear the expensive glass bottle smash into pieces as it hits the floor below. Lotion would have soothed Esmeralda's skin after the session but now she can deal with the pain I will inflict, I want her to remember me every time she moves, remember the control she gave to me this night. I enter the room and slam the door closed behind me, noticing her obvious flinch at the sharp sound.

"Stand!" I watch as she stands instantly, her arms at her side, her breaths deep and heavy and her sight taken by the blindfold I insist she wear. She's completely powerless; everything she will do from now on will be what I instruct her to do. That sense of power fills me once again as I circle the stunning young woman before me, trailing my finger along the silkiness of her skin, feeling her skin tingle against my touch as her body becomes in tune with her own need for pleasure.

"we're going to do something a little different tonight Esmeralda" her beautiful name melts on my tongue as I pull her hair into my hand and plait it quickly , tugging it so her head falls back sharply , she loses her balance slightly and nearly touches my chest . I growl in annoyance , letting go of her abruptly making her fall back painfully against the floor , she keeps still and silent and regains her kneeling position , her breathing is sharp and quiet and I can hear her nearly silent sobs.

"Hush Esmeralda" she clamps her mouth shut automatically and bows her head, her sleek shoulders tempting me dangerously.

"Now stand , raising your arms above your head" she does as I say , her beautiful body stretched out perfectly , her curves silhouetted by the candle light of the room , flickers of light bouncing off every beautiful inch of skin. Suddenly I feel the urge to mark her, to make her scream my name as I bring her to a climax she so obviously craves.

"bend over , right to your toes Esmee" she does as I say without hesitation , her tiny little ass pointed towards me as I move behind her , my fingers trailing over her skin , teasing her maliciously.

"Now back up, stand straight!" I have no idea why this sight is so intoxicating for me but to see her body so exposed as she moves from one extreme to the other brings my power need into overdrive. I grab a short, thin leather whip and run the material through my fingers, watching as her sleek body stretches out in front of me, completely exposed.

"You are to stay completely silent Esmeralda , nod your head if you've understood me" she nods just as I swing the whip hard , feeling a dark stab of release in my dark soul as the thin leather hits her thigh , making a bright red mark across her pale skin. She winces in pain but keeps her mouth shut as ordered.

I move in front of her as she stretches up high, grasping her sexy white panties I rip them away, hearing her gasp I stand quickly and slice the whip through the air, aiming for the spot just below her hip, she bites her lip in pain but I can also see the intense pleasure she's receiving from this.

"I told you too keep silent Esmee!" she stays completely still, not daring to speak. Wise move Miss Gold. I run the leather through my fingers again then move it to her now exposed stomach, startling her as the leather once again slaps against the skin hard.

"now stand up straight Esmeralda" I whip off her blind fold and my breath catches as I see her tear stained cheeks "why are you crying Esmeralda?" my voice is cold and callous , I don't care why she's crying , I just care that she's ruining our session by doing it now.

"I, I don't like what your making me do" anger flares up inside me at her disobedience, this is not how a submissive should act to me, I have complete power when they are in these sessions. How dare she cry at the acts I choose to experience.

"Well that's just too bad Esmeralda because I order you to stand up straight" she shakes her head , a small whimper escaping as she does.

"No I won't" once again anger courses through my veins , I never said no to Elena , I let her control me because she was my mistress , Esmee should do the same for me . My word should be her law.

"Are you safe wording Esmee , because right now I'm not even touching you , there is no way your being hurt by this" she shakes her head and stretches again , but not as high as she had been before.

"Straighter Esmee" she shakes her head no and begins to bring her arms down.

"Esmeralda stretches your arms up now" no longer is this about her pleasure or my need to inflict pain , now this is about control . My control over everything she is.

"No Christian!" the use of my name on her lips brings a rage to me I didn't know I possessed and before I can take a breath I feel my fist collide with her face , smashing into her skin as if its putty. Her scream hits me like a brick and I fall back , watching as she too loses her balance from the impact. In seconds she's on her feet , her hands pressed against her eye as she runs out the playroom and too her bedroom , slamming the door behind her.

"You disgust me" Kate's venom filled voice brings me back from my dark memory , making me shudder as I remember the fear in Esmee's eyes.

"I disgust myself when I remember that day , but I got her to forgive me , I learnt my lesson. She wouldn't hurt me on purpose because of that" Elliott removes his foot from my chest and I rub my hand along my now stinging abdomen , feeling my muscles tense after their earlier assault. I stand up slowly and run a hand through my hair , feeling sick to my stomach in shame.

"I still don't understand" Kate is still sat in the small metal chair , lost in thought.

"There's no understanding it Kate , Victoria Gold could belong to any man" the sound of glass breaking brings all our attention to the quivering man in the corner.

"Ethan? You okay?" Kate is beside her brother , soothing him as he looks about to throw up.

"Man up Ethan , it was a mistake , I never hit Ana I swear" although I have bruised her , something I vow never ever to do , not even if she gets pleasure during it. I will never mark her like I have , she's too pure for something as vile as that.

"It was you" Ethan's voice is broken , barely audible against the noises of the hospital. I glance over at him and stop dead when I see his dark expression pointed at me , his shoulders are tense and his arms are practically shaking. The remains of his water glass scattered around his feet.

"What are you on about Ethan? Yes it was me , I hit her , I said that. I also said that I regret it and that it never ever happened again. Calm the fuck down will you" I turn around , preparing to ask Elliott about Ana's health when I feel a sharp thud to the back of my head , turning around I'm blinded by Ethan's right hook to my jaw , knocking me back and down to the hard floor below. If it hadn't been for the element of surprise he had he wouldn't have made that hit , he's lucky I turned my back.

"You're him , the boyfriend Esmeralda left me for! The guy who gave her a black eye the size of Texas! You're him!" he goes to punch me again but Elliott restrains him , grabbing hold of his arm. I take the opportunity to stand up and back away from this crazed man.

"I don't know what you're talking about Ethan but I recommend you calm the fuck down!" he tries to break from Elliott's hold , moving like a mad man.

"She was at the club I was at , we started talking and she told me everything , about how you didn't love her like she loved you , how you made her feel. She was the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen and you beat her!" Ethan's rage is as clear and I step away from his attempt to throw a punch , Elliott is straining to keep him restrained. Slowly his words start to connect in my brain, like a puzzle coming together.

"When did you meet her?" he calms down finally and Elliott losens his tight hold , however he stands between us as we talk.

"May , May 29th" Kate stares up at me , she too is working the puzzle pieces out , and by the sad expression on her face she doesn't like the picture its forming.

"When did Esmee leave you Christian?" I keep my eyes on Ethan as I answer her.

"April 10th" Kate puts her hands in her head , I've finished the puzzle for her. Now its time to show everyone the picture "Victoria's birthday is the 3rd of January , just over nine months from the night you met her. I'm assuming you two had sex , right Ethan?" I watch with a smug grin as Ethan too works out the puzzle , his eyes closing as the truth dawns on him.

"I need to find Esmeralda" his eyes keep closed and I notice the fear that's now coursing through him , fear that now he's a father and that he'll have to tell Mia , which I know will break her heart.

"Up the stairs , turn right , emergency and recovery" he nods before turning and exiting the hallway we've been standing in.

"What just happened?" Elliott asks no one in particular, he too is running a hand through his hair but his in confusion where as I am just stressed.

"Ethan Kavanagh just found out he's a father" I grin , then wince as Kate slaps me across the face.

"No need to sound so smug Grey. You still have a wife who hates your guts" and with that I watch them both exit the hallway , leaving me alone with my thoughts.


End file.
